Are you still looking for your perfect romantic partner? Here is the number one quality to look out for

In thinking about the different types of relationships, it is important to realize that you can have an intimate relationship with anyone.

In romantic relationships, as with so much else, it’s the little things that count. Just as a mis-spoken word or odd look can throw a couple into a weeks-long feud, small and seemingly insignificant gestures can help keep a relationship on track.

A little gift, an off-hand compliment, a moment of physical contact can vastly strengthen a relationship.

In as much as these may be important, if you want a long-term relationship, finding someone with “relational self-awareness” is critical than any other thing.

Dr Alexandra Solomon, author of gives us some insights

Dr Solomon says people who have relational self-awareness can do the following:

They can talk about their earlier relational experiences and how they shape their relationships today.
They can turn their attention inward and name what they are feeling (versus just acting out what they are feeling).
They can view a relationship problem as a combination of “some stuff I did wrong” and “some stuff you did wrong.”
They can listen to feedback about themselves without fighting back or running away. Or, perhaps more realistically, they can catch themselves as they start to fight back or run away and try again to listen with an open heart to the feedback.

Long-term love is about choosing someone who will be with you in periods of excitement and in moments of need.

But how can you access one’s self-awareness? Well, it is quite simple.

First, look out for their reaction process. How does your partner react to difficult moments? You are out for launch, the waiter brings the wrong menu to your table, how did your date react? Or the cashier fails to give you a receipt. How about being over taken by a car that could have led to a near crash?

Dr Solomon says we can respond in one of three ways.

Fighting — getting loud, blaming, and demanding.
Fleeing — shutting down, feeling ashamed, running away, and getting walked all over.
Studying the moment — pausing, gathering ourselves together, and finding a way to stand up for ourselves without putting others down.

If your partner has self-awareness, he or she will choose the third option. The option to pause, control our emotions and handle the situation as we seek our interest without putting others down.

The second way to access your partner’s self-awareness is to listen to how they talk about their past relationships.

Pay attention to how they talk about their past love relationships.

People who don’t have much relational self-awareness tell stories (especially love stories) that are full of blame and shame. They tend to cast themselves as victims and other people as suckers, losers, or fools. By contrast, individuals who are relationally self-aware tell love stories that have lots of shades of grey, Dr Solomon writes.