How to avoid being a victim of a sex tape

These days, celibacy doesn’t seem to be in the dictionary of most millennials. Sex rules. It has become the paramount act in relationships. Most young ladies profess their love by indulging in sexual activities with their partners – because it is basically they only way they know how.

However, there is a big problem here. The lack of trust among young couples make them do unimaginable things like videoing their private sexual encounters and disseminating them on social media as a petty act of revenge in case of breakups. It’s become some sort of insurance, a strong hand to pursue blackmail. Even worse, it’s often done in the name of vane entertainment.

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Below are five ways to ensure you never go through the disgraceful ordeal of starring in a sex tape without your knowledge.

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Don’t take any chances. When you enter the venue, side line your thirst and focus. Keep your eyes peeled. Scan that room like your life depends on it. Does he have a laptop? Spot it and close it. A desktop? Don’t shut it down oo – unplug the damn thing. His phone? Make sure you know where it is. Look, even if it is yam – a NOKIA 3310 without camera capabilities – just make sure you know where it is. Better still, make sure you know it’s off. It’s sex time, not a communication studies class. Stay woke.

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This is the 21 century – guys are ambitious. They are stretching the boundaries of technology. CCTV cameras are no longer exclusive to shops and corporate institutions – young guys are getting in on the action, spending money just to acquire them for their own lascivious intentions.

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And so yes, this seems like a longshot, but don’t be complacent; don’t think CCTV cameras are too expensive or too much of a hustle – look out for them! Also, make sure he isn’t wearing a shirt (where he can hide a button camera) or a watch (heard of phone watches?). You’ve got to go full CIA and FBI – no BNI. Some guys also hide cameras within certain innocuous objects too. My sister, why does he have a teddy bear facing the bed? Look at is with suspicion and address it.

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Make sure all the windows of the arena are closed. This is a two-party event and you should do well to keep out any spectators. Make sure the door is firmly shut and locked too – you don’t want any third party surreptitiously walking in to cover the event without accreditation.

Why do you need lights for sex anyway? Are you in it for the feelings or for the visuals? Let’s be serious here, please. You don’t need to see it to feel it. You are already too close, what at all are you searching for in the room or on his body? Keep the lights out so you don’t get caught out by his secret eyes.

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This is very necessary. No matter how intense the feelings are, please don’t get carried away and close your eyes while gliding on the clouds of dreamland. Have them wide open – look at him, into his eyes. Make sure he isn’t acting funny or furtive. Make sure he isn’t occasionally looking sideways or any other place apart from you. He might just be checking to see if his camera is still rolling, or better still, winking into the camera to reassure his fans that he’s killing it.

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Ridiculous? Hw3, dey there. Sex is battle and you need to get your ninja groove on. If you miss the hidden electronic eyes, at least you can escape being identified when the tape goes live and viral. Think about it, you might inspire people with all your moves, yet they wouldn’t know who you are. Low-key stardom, zero disgrace. Talk about eating your cake and having it.

This isn’t a two-legged tie – you don’t need it to be at home or away. Yes. It’s a final - and you know finals and how they need to be at neutral venues, right? A place where none of the parties can lay claim to home support or advantage. The more unknown the venue is, the more likely you are to escape the lens. Also, just because it should be neutral doesn’t mean you should lower your standards – no wayside motel or shed. Let it be at a proper hotel where the guy will find it hard to pay his way towards bugging the room.

Foodian, concentrate! You came for the main show, not the item-13. Apart from being on patrol, you also need to exercise some control. Don’t eat or drink the stuff that he offers you. He probably has laced that cake with weed or sprinkled some propofol in that drink. Weed, you ask? Yes, weed. He probably wants you high and hyper so you can put in a spectacular performance for the camera. Propofol? He wants you semi-conscious so that you aren’t too alert or aware. Beware.

You do realize this isn’t rocket science right? Why are you even having sex with him, erh? Do you realize you can save yourself all this trouble by actually not doing it?

Smh.