A guy slamming his junk sliding down an escalator is the funniest damn thing you'll see today

Twas a few nights before Christmas, and one guy was thinking, "Im going to slide down an escalator!"—feeling brave from the nog hed been drinking? But too late, he realized, the idea had flaws; his fun plan, ultimately, ended in an epic slamming of his balls.

Twitter user James Gower posted this gem last night, and it's already been viewed over 11 million times. We will not say how many views are directly attributed to Men's Health staffers, other than it's quite a bit. We actually cannot stop watching it.

It's equal parts hilarious and excruciating. That man is going to be icing his balls for the next year, if everything is still there. I just watched it again and I'm crying. Go watch it again. Now, let's talk about what's going on.

We can imagine how this all began. This poor dude was out with his friends, having a grand time. They start going down this long escalator. Too long, in this guy's opinion. Feeling brave from all those cups of spiked punch, perhaps, he mounts the sheet of metal that somewhat resembles the slide of our childhood dreams, only with a few more bumps than the playground favorite.

You can see in his face that as soon as he starts: He knows it's a horrible idea. Probably worse than that time he tried to lick the frozen pole. Because this is the guy that definitely did that as a 10-year-old.

His face says, "I'm about to die, right?" as he slams into the first obstruction, balls-first. But it doesn't stop there. In fact, the worst is yet to come. He starts to gain speed again until he comes to a final slam that should make each of us cringe in pain at the sight. He slumps off the slide.

Now that we've gotten up off the floor, we at Men's Health feel it necessary to make a public service announcement in the name of protecting your junk. And that would be to please add "sliding down the metal sheet dividing the 'up' and 'down' escalator" to your list of things not to do.

You guys can do this. Make a pact with yourself and your buddies to keep your junk together for the rest of this year.

Don't stick your penis in any of these places, and don't slide down escalators. Happy holidays.