Avoid making them feel discriminated against by paying close attention to how she reacts when you graze her upper body
Every once in awhile, a woman encounters a man so thoroughly misguided about sex, it's shocking that he's managed to maintain his incorrect ways without a woman setting him straight. It would be impressive if it wasn't so heartbreaking. And annoying.
Even men with the best of intentions are sometimes guilty of sexual missteps. Learn from their mistakes and be sure to take copious notes:
These are 10 misconceptions guys have about sex.
1. If sex doesn't last for hours, it's not satisfying.
We don't know what man spread the rumor that duration has anything to do with the quality of sex, but we do know we want to punch that dude in his overactive dick. Most nights, these marathon sessions just have us silently begging for mercy for our uteri and agonizing over how much sleep we're losing. Save the into-the-wee-hours sex sessions for vacations, when you have nothing to do but bone the day away. On a daily basis, 15-20 minutes (not including foreplay) will do just fine.
Even spontaneous quickies are appreciated over an hour of mindless, machine-like thrusting. As long as your sex life isn't subsisting on quickies alone, you'll never be faulted for the occasional wham-bam-thank-you-mam.
2. Manscaping is a must.
espite the myth glossy magazines continue to perpetuate, a man whose body is as hairless as a newborn seal is not more desirable. Work with what God gave you, not against it. When you insist on shaving your chest, arms, and all of your pubes, you look like you should have a vagina, and when the stubble grows in, we feel like we're hooking up with a lazy transvestite.
Instead of trying to compete with her to be the baldest one of all, embrace your body hair. It's manly and (this just in!) masculinity is sexy. The sole exception: We don't want to undertake the impossible task of parting your pubes like they're the Red Sea to get to your penis (or worst yet, choking on them), so trimming is always appreciated.
3. Sex starts in the bedroom.
Sex starts well before the first article of clothing hits the floor. The real foreplay is appreciating her on a daily basis. Making her feel special, and sexy, and enduring her boring work stories without so much as a complaint. It begins when you touch her back at a party, or exchange a knowing look across the room. And yes, by occasionally sending her suggestive text messages about what you'd like to do later.
All of this ensures that when you finally get time together, she'll want to tear your clothes off before the door closes. You're hers and she's yours, and nothing could be hotter.
4. We need to be persuaded to have sex.
We do not offer sex as a reward for good behavior like a dog-owner giving a puppy a treat for not peeing on the rug. We are not putting up with sex. We enjoy it just as much as you do, and in some cases, more than you.
We think about sex just as often as you do. Our X-rated daydreams could rival yours, and the stories we relate to our friends would make even the most brazen man blush. Some women want sex less frequently (as do some men), but many women want it often. It's a matter of sex drive, and a low sex drive is not typical of all females any more than a high sex drive is typical of all males.
5. All nipples are created equal.
When it comes to nipples, women are divided into two camps. Many feel men ignore them entirely in favor of clumsily pawing their breasts like they're filled with cat nip. On the other hand, many women feel that guys pay too much attention to nipples, leaving ladies awkwardly splayed there while the dude attempts to massage pleasure out of a place that isn't the best-suited for that.
So, chances are, you're either paying nipples too little attention, or too much. Avoid making them feel discriminated against by paying close attention to how she reacts when you graze her upper body. If she arches her shoulders back and breathes heavily, you should linger. If she squirms away from your touch, or seems to be focused more on the ceiling than the sensation, it's time to meander elsewhere.
6. We even vaguely believe you when you say "It was dark" or "It slipped" as an excuse for shoving your penis in or around our butts.
7.We don't ogle men.
We hate to spoil the idea men have about being the only ones that indulge in the visual pleasure of another's body, but we have to set the record straight: Women are checking you out.
Admittedly, you don't look as good naked as we do, but you still have a lot to admire. Broad shoulders, defined arms, a strong neck, lean torso, and calves that look like they were made to destroy soccer balls are among the few things we unabashedly size up and mentally catalog.
Also, we spend an inordinate amount of time talking about the discernible shape of a man's penis in sweatpants. Don't get all cocky about it, though.
8. A porn star's body is the template for every woman.
Some may strive to reach the pinnacle of porn star-perfection via intensive waxing and anal bleaching, but your average woman won't be taking such drastic measures.
Guys, we have pubic hair. We have cellulite and stubble and breasts that rarely sit near our collar bones. We have freckles and flaws, and above all, we are unapologetic about our inability to achieve model-like perfection. Remember, you've been conditioned to want that.
A woman who is self-assured and proud of the skin she's in is a real woman. Recognize real, and appreciate it.
9.The best way to deal with a failing erection is to ignore it.
Don't go all Little Engine That Could on our vaginas and think you're the little penis that can. While you're fumbling away, or worse yet, thrusting with Mister Softee thinking we might not notice, we are definitely noticing.
Instead of playing your minor infraction off by pretending it's not happening, admit that your penis is being temperamental. Crack a joke at that finicky bastard's expense. And then resolve the situation by focusing on us until you're ready for another round.
And yes, the same rule applies to premature ejaculation. It's not a big deal unless you act awkward and make it one.
10. I am satisfied, so she must be.
The minute you become convinced that you're God's gift to a woman's vagina is the minute she's off complaining to her friends that you're not attentive/kinky/exciting enough. So, a word of wisdom: Never go into maintenance-mode with the woman you're lucky enough to regularly roll around with.
We're not saying sex should be hard work. But if you're approaching sex like it's a mission that must be completed, you're misguided. It's a new adventure each time, meaning you should be constantly seeking new ways to enjoy each other. Like any part of your relationship, it requires you to check in with each other to make sure your needs are being met. This means you should be brainstorming ways to keep things thrilling. You should be talking about your sex life, even when you're not in bed.