How to tell the difference between a man who's serious about you and one who's simply wasting your time

oge okonkwo

July 16, 2015 3:43 PM

The unserious guy tends to confuse you more as he's courting you, he's often attentive and says all the things you want to hear

Couple talking

It is never easy at the start of a relationship telling the difference between a guy who's serious about you and one who just want you on the list of women he's been to bed with.

These guys are almost one and the same at first then you begin to see the difference much later - hopefully not too late. The unserious guy tends to confuse you more as he's courting you, he's often attentive and says all the things you want to hear.

Relationship writer, Ravid Yosef of YourTango explains how you decipher what’s going on and really figure out if this guy's serious about you?

It all begins with the way you listen. Below, I will give you some tips on what to listen for so that you know he’s not playing any games.

By now, I hope you've taken my advice and asked him the single most important question you should ask on a first date. The premise of that conversation is, “What are you looking for?”

If you listened intently to his answer, you went on a second date with this man because what you’re both looking for the same thing — something serious. You both share the key aspects of your relationship vision. Congrats on passing step number one!

So you’re both looking for a serious relationship, but how do you know if he’s serious about you?

A man who's serious about a relationship is talking about serious things. He’s looking to qualify you as much as you are looking to qualify him.

A serious relationship type of guy talks to you about his vision for his life, his goals and his challenges. He’s willing to share himself with you and show vulnerability. But here’s the caveat and where your listening will really come into play: There's a difference between a man who's willing to share for the sake of rehashing and a man who is sharing for discovery. Therein lies the difference in the man who is serious about you, versus the man who is NOT.

A man who isn't serious about you, or at least one who you shouldn't take seriously, is the one who shares for the sake of sharing. He’s treating you like he would a therapist. He's only interested in someone listening to him talk or in saying what you want to hear. Your conversation doesn’t go anywhere because he continues to rehash what has already been.

A man who is serious about you and your future together is sharing new ideas and asking questions so that he can learn and discover with you. Your conversation is exploratory and positive and has room for growth. He’s asking about your goals and your vision because he doesn’t want to continue to date you if you’re not serious about the same things.

Watch this Pulse TV video:

Enhance Your Pulse News Experience!

Get rewards worth up to $20 when selected to participate in our exclusive focus group. Your input will help us to make informed decisions that align with your needs and preferences.

I've got feedback!

oge okonkwo