The opening sketch of this week’s episode, hosted by James McAvoy and featuring the musical guest Meek Mill, was a parody of the Fox News program “Tucker Carlson Tonight.” Carlson was played by “SNL” cast member Alex Moffat, who explained, “I’m like if those shorts with the little whales on them came to life.”
Moffat introduced his top story: “President Trump’s heroic end to the shutdown,” he said. “It did take him 35 days, but he was finally able to get no wall.” Interviewing another Fox News personality, Jeanine Pirro (Cecily Strong), Moffat said, “I’m going to smugly ask a question that I already know the answer to, and a warning to our viewers, my voice will get very high.”
Describing her stance on immigration, Strong said, “We have to take a Marie Kondo approach to cleaning up this country. If something doesn’t spark joy, throw it out. And you know what doesn’t spark joy in me? Guatemalans.”
Moffat also interviewed Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross (Kate McKinnon), who last week said he didn’t understand why furloughed government workers needed food assistance because they could just take out low-interest loans instead.
An apologetic McKinnon said, “That was silly of me. I simply meant that there are other ways of getting money. Like, they could’ve liquidated some of their stocks or sold one of their paintings. I mean, even if they sold a lesser Picasso, that’s still going to get you through a week or two of yacht maintenance.”
She added, “All I meant was that we all have to make sacrifices in times of hardship. For example, instead of going out to dinner, you could open a restaurant in your house. Or, for a period of time, you could have your horses attend public school. The small things add up.”
Finally, Moffat brought out his last guest — “a man you look at and instantly think, I trust this guy” — Roger Stone, played by Martin in a pinstripe suit and his voice projected at maximum volume.
“What a fun couple of days,” Martin proclaimed. “I’m loving the ride. Go Nixon!”
Asking for pity from Carlson’s viewers, Martin said, “I’m just a poor, helpless old man. I’m 66. I’m almost as old as Sting.”
Speaking of his early-morning arrest, he said, “The whole experience was so harrowing that afterward I could only manage one radio interview. And a speech from the steps of the courthouse. And two appearances on television. It’s horrible!”
Then at the close of the sketch, Martin tweaked one of his best-known “SNL” catchphrases: “Hey, I’m just a normal and straightforward guy,” he said.
Weekend Update Jokes of the Week
At the “Weekend Update” desk, anchors Colin Jost and Michael Che continued to riff on Trump’s agreement to reopen the federal government for three weeks.
Jost:
President Trump on Friday announced a deal to temporarily reopen the government for three weeks, while negotiations continue over border security. Three weeks. We’re basically treating our government like it’s a trial period for a Hulu subscription. It’s pretty clear that Trump has not figured out how to deal with Nancy Pelosi yet. Usually when a woman is giving him this much trouble, he just gives her 130 grand to shut up. During his speech from the Rose Garden ending the shutdown, Trump said this: [Video of President Trump saying, “We do not need 2,000 miles of concrete wall from sea to shiny sea. We never did."] Shiny sea? Also, remember when you said this? [Video of President Trump saying, “We’re going to build a wall. It’s going to be a big, fat, beautiful wall."] Now that wall sounds awesome. But tell me more about this new one. [Video of President Trump saying, “The walls we are building are not medieval walls. They are smart walls."] Walls with brains, got it. Now, someone told me that medieval solutions were actually effective. [Video of President Trump saying, “They say a wall is medieval. Well, so is a wheel. A wheel is older than a wall."] He’s president. But just to clarify, we are still calling it a wall, right? [Video of President Trump saying, “Barriers, fences or walls. Or whatever you want to call it."] Honestly at this point I’d just like to call it quits.
Che:
On Friday, President Trump temporarily reopened the government, and I know liberals are tweeting out, “Trump caved! Trump caved!” But y’all gotta calm down. Stop gloating. You didn’t win yet. The man is still one tweet away from calling a national state of emergency and bringing back slavery. Act like he’s still crazy. You’ve got to treat him like you’re training a dog. Constant positive reinforcement. Maybe instead, every time he does something you like, tweet out, “Who’s a good boy?”
They also commented on the indictment and arrest of Roger Stone.
Che:
Roger Stone was arrested at 6 a.m. Friday morning by a team of officers with heavy weapons. Finally. This is all I’ve been waiting for. Old white dudes getting dragged out their crib like dope dealers. Was it excessive? Yes. And I wish it was worse. I wish he was just wearing boxers and a durag and there was a baby crying and they tased his girl. Give him the works.
Jost:
Longtime Trump adviser and business Babadook Roger Stone has been charged by the special counsel’s office on seven counts, including obstruction, making false statements, witness tampering and, I assume, the attempted murder of Batman. Stone, pictured here as an old woman being told there’s no more room at bingo, left the courtroom to face a crowd that was booing and chanting, “Lock him up.” First of all, it’s always fun to watch a press conference on mute where the captions say, “Crowd booing.” Second, you know how much people have to hate you for them to show up just to boo you in the middle of a workday? They found out you were arrested that morning, immediately called their office like, yeah, I’m going to be late. I’ve got to head down the courthouse and yell at steampunk Lincoln.
Music Video of the Week
There wasn’t anything political or topical about this segment, but Leslie Jones was charming in a hip-hop tribute to Manhattan’s Upper East Side. Though she has previously lived in neighborhoods like Compton, Spanish Harlem and Bedford-Stuyvesant, Jones pledged her devotion to the UES, saying, “Y’all say it’s boring, y’all say it’s homogeneous, but y’all don’t know it like I do.”
Then she went on to rap:
This ain’t Harlem, y’all, I got Seamless for days
And a cab outside that comes right away
I order what I want, y’all can’t stop me
Two in the morning, bring me salmon and broccoli
You think there ain’t no black folks? Son, you’re mistaken
There’s nannies and nurses and a doorman who’s Jamaican
This article originally appeared in The New York Times.