"We want to prove ourselves," Wagener said. "And we think that proving ourselves is doing everything perfectly."
The problem is that "in reality, no one's perfect and nothing is perfect. So this perfection early in [your] career actually can create blindspots and barriers for your growth and development."
Wagener is the chief people officer at DoorDash ; she's also been the vice president of human resources at Pandora and a recruiting leader at Facebook. She said that, even though people early in their career (and people in general) tend to fear soliciting their boss' help, it can often work to their benefit.
"If you're trying to put on a facade that everything is perfect to your manager," Wagener said, "they're not going to be in a position to, A, help you or, B, keep an eye out for things that could be a barrier for you."
Wagener recommended being candid when you approach your boss about the problem, telling them, "I'm very vulnerable right now," but "if I don't ask for your help and you're not aware that I'm hitting this barrier, then I can't expect for you to help me."
Wagener's advice recalls an anecdote from Beth Comstock, former vice chair of General Electric and the author, with Tahl Raz, of " Imagine It Forward ." Early in her career, Comstock was told by GE's then-CEO, Jeff Immelt, that she needed to be more confident.
Comstock previously told Business Insider that, once the feedback had sunk in, she asked Immelt to help. Going forward, whenever Immelt saw Comstock withdrawing or hesitating to speak, he would say, "Beth what do you think?" or, "Beth, I've heard you express an idea about this in the past. Could you share that with us?"
That way, Comstock said, she felt accountable to Immelt. Plus, he knew she was working on the issue.
To be sure, Wagener acknowledged that not every organization has a culture where asking your manager for help is encouraged so you'll have to figure out what the protocol is at your company.
But at organizations that see people managers as "there to help their employees," Wagener said, asking for some guidance is "a sign of strength. It's a sign of somebody who wants to grow and develop."
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