- I'm a mom and a business owner, and maintaining desire can be tough.
- When I heard about an app focused on sexual wellness, I was intrigued.
- I was able to make space for erotic thoughts without taking time away from other responsibilities.
As a mom, I find it can be hard to keep my sexual desire. So I set aside time to connect with my body and sexuality.
I take pride in being a pretty sexual person. Finding joy in my body is one of my favorite forms of self-indulgence.
Normally I feel quite connected with the sexual and erotic side of myself. But last fall I felt that slipping away. Whether it was because I was feeling holiday stress, working too many hours, or spending yet another month trying to conceive, I simply wasn't interested in sex.
The last thing I wanted was for sex to feel like a chore, so I tried not to push it. But then I heard about Rosy, a sexual-wellness app designed by an OB-GYN. I decided to replace a bit of my Instagram scrolling with exploring the app every day for a month.
I was pleasantly surprised when a bit of my mojo came back. I also asked a sex coach, Anka Grzywacz, about the challenges parents can face in maintaining desire and how even little things can help make a difference.
I dedicated time to thinking about sex
When our days are packed with taking care of kids and parents, going to boardroom meetings, doing housework, and trying to squeeze in a workout, there can be little mental space left for parents to cultivate erotic energy.
And before you can share that energy with someone else, you must connect with it yourself.
"Each parent should find some time to reconnect with their own body and sexuality first before they start rebuilding intimacy together," Grzywacz said.
It doesn't sound like much, but for me, dedicating five minutes a day to thinking about sex and intimacy planted a seed that could grow into desire later that day or week.
I had desire at my fingertips
Grzywacz said that while technology can sometimes be a distraction in the bedroom, it can also be a tool. She described audio erotica and guided meditations as "effortless and appealing" ways to help people cultivate desire.
When I opened Rosy, I saw several prompts. One was a daily check-in that wasn't related to sex but just encouraged me to check in with how I was feeling and what was contributing to those feelings. This was a good thing to do early in the day to remind me I was taking time for myself.
Later on, when I was trying to transition to a sexier state of mind, I could use those meditations, sexy reading material, and audio erotica that Grzywacz says can help set the mood.
I got curious
Adults often fall into sexual ruts. We know what works for us and what we can do to get the job done. But Rosy got me curious about different sexual-wellness topics, whether they applied to me or not.
Reading about other people's experiences around sex made me think more deeply about my own experiences past, present, and future.
There were plenty of PG-rated things I could read while sitting on the sidelines at the playground or at sports practice. While these weren't sexy per se, they encouraged me to think of sexual health as a component of overall health.
Grzywacz says remembering that is key for parents, who have more mundane things on their to-do lists.
"All these difficulties are manageable — from embracing the creative art of quickies to hiring babysitters — but solving them takes some resolve and the belief that sex is indeed important and worth the investment," she said.
I felt seen
Some writing about sex on the internet can be intimidating, disingenuous, skeevy, or unrealistic. When I opened Rosy one day and flipped to an erotica story titled "Sex Before Dishes," I felt seen: I could have a relationship that prioritized hot sex and a clean house, even if our society often separates the erotic and the domestic.
"The biggest barrier is in our heads," Grzywacz said. "Parents are not presented as sexual beings in our culture." But in that story, I saw my life.
While it may not sound like a sexy title, I can assure you it was hot. And it was relatable — because while being swept away by a buff stranger might sound appealing, what I need at this stage of life is the inspiration to keep it hot while also getting the darn dishes done.
My month of using Rosy is done, but I'll keep it on my phone to use if I feel like I'm in a rut again.
Putting aside the stress of baby-making and child-raising to learn more about sexuality and connect with myself has paid off hugely.
And that connection, Grzywacz says, is the foundation of a fulfilling sex life.
"Moms must go back to feeling their own bodies and sexuality before they can enjoy intimacy with their partner," she said.
Eyewitness? Submit your stories now via social or: