I used to be right there with you. I hated my body, thought I was fat, and went to extreme lengths to lose weight. I reached my goal weight many times, but would inevitably binge because my body was so deprived, and gain weight back, thus repeating the cycle.
I ate a lot of food a day while overexercising at the same time and I lost 20 pounds in a month or two. I would skip breakfast and lunch and was obsessed with weighing myself. If I lost a pound which was my daily goal, I was happy. If not, well...
I hated myself. I hated my body for being so evil and working against me. Eventually, I gave up. I realised there is more to life than your weight and what your body looks like.
Here's what I found out happens to the body when you starve yourself to lose weight; Not eating enough slows down your metabolism. You lose some weight when you starve, and then, slowly or quickly, it all comes back. This is what so many people fail to recognise.
Depriving your body makes it think you're experiencing a famine or food shortage. To adapt, it slows your metabolism, so you burn fewer calories, makes you fatigued so you won't exercise (and burn calories), and increases your hunger. All of these things predispose you to weight gain and make weight loss or maintenance nearly impossible.
Now, I'm not saying all this to scare you. That's the opposite of what I'm trying to do. The point I'm trying to make is that what you've been doing is entirely unsustainable and eventually your body will force you to eat more. This will happen no matter how much willpower you have.
Most people will recommend increasing calories to minimise rebound weight gain, but I think that's not a good plan. This may increase your weight gain because it will take longer to raise your metabolic rate back up to a normal level. By the way, that can take months or even a year. Of course, that all depends on your body.
I would recommend that instead of starving to lose weight, start eating a normal healthy diet. I can't give you exacts because I don't know your height, weight, and activity level, but you don't need them, anyway. The best way to minimise weight gain is to eat and live healthily. Not only will it benefit your weight, but this approach will also boost your metabolism and protect you from all sorts of diseases like cancer, heart disease, and diabetes.
Make sure to:
- Eat whole foods.
- Eat slowly.
- Drink water when thirsty but not when you're not thirsty.
- Sleep at least eight hours.
- Keep stress low.
- Move your body gently as much as possible. Walk often.
- Laugh often.
- Spend time with people who uplift you.
- Spend time in nature.
- Spend time in the sun.
If you do all those things, or even just most of them, you will be happy and at a healthy weight. Eat when you're hungry, and not when you aren't. Eat until you're full, and not any more. If you gain a lot initially, after a while you'll probably start to lose some of it. Or you may not. That's okay. When I gained weight, I relapsed. I started starving myself again. This lasted about a week until I remembered why I stopped in the first place (I was miserable).
Don't make the same mistake I did. Give your body time to realise you aren't going to starve it again and that food is always available. If you don't, it'll take you a whole lot longer to fix the damage you did to your body.
And please, above all else, love yourself. Love your body. It gives you the energy and vitality to run, jump, play, dance, sing, and do anything else you love doing. Don't thank it by starving and hurting it. Thank it by treating it with compassion, and love. Enjoy your life, body, and food, and don't worry about your weight. Yes, it's hard. It may be the hardest thing you've ever done but it’s worth it.