First off, porn addiction isnt recognized as an official disorder, meaning its not in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), so you cant really be diagnosed with it. Experts think thats a good thing. I try not to pathologize masturbating or watching porn, says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., sex therapist and author of She Comes First .
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How to Stop Watching So Much Porn
Stressed? You watch porn. Happy? Porn. Got an extra minute? Porn. If you worry that porn addiction is a thing that might be happening to you and want to quit watching so much of it, heres what to know.
How to Stop Watching So Much Porn
Instead of thinking of what youre doing as a porn addiction, start thinking about whether your use of porn is helping you get closer to the kind of life you want, or whether its taking you farther away from it. Porn can be expansive and can create connection, says Vienna Pharaon, a couples therapist based in New York City. And porn can be isolating, numbing, distracting, and cause disconnection.
Usually, watching a lot of porn isnt about porn; its about something else thats going on in your life thats worth paying attention to. Often, porn is substituting for something, taking your attention from something, or preventing you from somethingmeaning its getting in the way of your life or your IRL relationship.
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Instead of forcing yourself to quit watching it cold turkey, take a level-headed approach to all this, says Kerner. Heres how:
Get clear on what youre trying to avoid .
If youre using porn as a way to self-medicate or numb out, its important to get clear on what youre distracting yourself from, says Pharaon. Really get to the bottom of Im watching porn instead of feeling X. That prompt can be confronting and difficult to answer, yet deeply valuable. Its far easier to distract than to get present with things that are uncomfortable for us, yet thats exactly what we ought to explore, she says.
Ask yourself what else youd rather be doing with your life in the time you spend watching porn .
Then use watching porn as a reward for doing those things. Maybe wait to do it until youve finished your workout. Or until youve made plans with someone to connect in real life. Then it feels like its been earned or its a reward as opposed to something thats squandered or wasted time, Kerner says. Watching porn becomes a potential source of energy, not a default.
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Detach certain activities from masturbating .
Maybe being on Tinder or Instagram isnt the best time to be masturbating, Kerner says.
Look at what, besides porn, turns you on .
If you only ever watch porn to get turned on, Kerner says, sometimes men get over-accustomed to that stimulation. Sexeven with yourselfis a richer experience when you have more to draw on, like going through your mental library of images and partners, reading erotica, or noticing things in your environment that turn you on.
If you are using porn in an unhealthy way, stop worrying about it and use the strategies above. Kerner says, everything is really correctible.
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