What Does it Mean if Someone Is 'Breadcrumbing' You in a Relationship?

If the word immediately conjures a vision of Hansel and Gretel, youre on the right track. Breadcrumbing, according to , is when the crush has no intentions of taking things further, but they like the attention. So they flirt here or there, send dm/texts just to keep the person interested, knowing damn well theyre staying single. Essentially, your crush is leaving you a trail of romantic breadcrumbs that leads to nowhere.

You might be in a breadcrumbing situation if you swiped right on someone, went on a date, and then texted but didnt hear back for a few days. Then, they pop up again, you have a few great conversations, and they sink back into the background. A few days later, the cycle repeats. Its as if this person knows exactly the right time to poke you to keep your interest piqued. If this were 20 years ago, wed call this behavior leading someone on. Breadcrumbing is the same thing-its just gotten a face-lift.

But how do you know if someone is breadcrumbing, and not actually interested in a relationship? Sussing that out can be complicated, says , an AASECT certified sex therapist and the founder of the Long Island Institute of Sex Therapy . While there are certainly people in the world who get some kind of enjoyment out of stringing people along, she likes to believe that the vast majority arent hurting their partners on purpose. I think for the most part this happens because of social anxiety and a lack of being able to verbalize feelings, she says.

Some people have clinically diagnosed anxiety that makes it difficult for them to handle dating. Some are inexperienced and may not know how theyre supposed to act in a budding relationship. Some have low self-esteem and may feel undeserving of your attention, Dr. Torrisi says. Every once in awhile theyll say hi to see if you want to talk to them, she says. But theyre usually pretty afraid, and dont want to put themselves out there consistently.

Of course, there definitely are people who string others along just for the fun of it, or so they can have a booty call at their fingertips, but who arent looking for anything serious. While it may be difficult to tell one type of breadcrumber from the other, you may not have to. The solution, either way, is the same: Talk to them.

The majority of relationship problems that keep us up at night can be solved with a bit of honest communication. If youre annoyed with the way someone has been treating you, you have two options. You can stop seeing the person and stop answering their text messages or DMs. Or, you can ask them whats going on. The more direct we are, the more mature our confrontations are, Dr. Torrisi says.

You can say something like, I havent heard from you for three days and now were talking and it feels nice. But Im confused, because youre not being direct with me. With a statement like that, youre opening a door for your potential-partner to be honest about their feelings. But you need to be very clear about your intentions, too. If youre comfortable being a booty call, then say that. And if youre not-if you want a real relationship and nothing else-make that clear.

Whether the breadcrumber has malicious intent or is just unsure how to deal with all this dating stuff, this kind of communication will help you figure out if a relationship with them is worth it. Own your feelings and then make a request, Dr. Torrisi says. Your request can be anything from I want to talk over text every day to I want to go out once a week to see if were compatible. The person might say no, or they might be willing to give it a try. But only after getting the truth out there will you be able to evaluate whether or not the breadcrumbs were leading to something worthwhile all along.