You know, I think you guys really ought to have sex, he said, within seconds of my arrival. Apparently, hed already floated this idea to Jayna, a stylish 23-year-old marketing executive, and she'd seemed unfazed. Based on little more than a flattering description of me, Jayna had already affirmed that she was game. Lets do it, she laughed, seconds after shaking my hand.

Later that night, we would indeed go home together, and I engaged in one of the most honest, uninhibited, instructive, and soulful sexual experiences Ive ever had-all with someone who was a perfect stranger at the time. The experience set the tone for how our relationship has evolved since-and is also, understandably, why its still so confusing when I try to describe my situation with her to other people. So, they tend to ask, its like a friends with benefits thing?

While my relationship with Jayna definitely has some components of a typical FWB setup, I think of her as being far more than just a friend. Shes my sexual confidante, my mentor, and my spirit animal. Though our relationship is not romantic, I love her to bits.

Being that we live on opposite sides of the planet, however-shes in Hong Kong, Im in New York-we only get together occasionally. And when we do, it always feels meaningful and life-affirming. So when Jayna told me that she would be flying into New York from Hong Kong to celebrate her 30th birthday, I asked if I could throw a party in her honor-a sex party.

First, I spent an excessive amount of time futzing with the light level and worrying that the playlist Id made would be in some way corny. True story: During the gang bang I previously

wrote about

, one male participant turned to another-mid-act-shook his head, and said disparagingly, Oh my god, this music! Needless to say, the incident left a mark.