5 signs that your partner is gaslighting you

The red flags to watch out for if you want to know whether you are being gaslighted or not.

How gaslighters act in romantic rrlationships. [Credit Shutterstock]

Inspired by the 1940 and 1944 films “Gas Light,” where a husband systematically manipulates his wife in order to make her feel crazy, the term “Gaslighting” is now commonly used to describe behavior that is inherently manipulative.

When someone is gaslighting you, they exert power over you and make you think you’ve lost your ability to think, remember, and rationalize.

Here’s how to spot it if your partner is gaslighting you.

1. Self-doubt


The confusion and self-doubt that this comes with is one of the ways to know what is happening.

If you legit have to ask yourself regularly if you are the problem, and if that partner might be true with all the untrue stuff they come up with.

But of course, it’s not you, it’s them.


2. They can never be wrong

In relationships, no one likes to be ‘wrong’ during arguments and discussions, but gaslighters in particular cannot be wrong, even if means making you doubt reality. That is, things you may have seen with your eyes and things you may have heard clearly.

Beatty Cohan, a nationally recognized psychotherapist and sex therapist expatiates on this when she told Business Insider that "gaslighters always need to be right. There is no win-win resolution — they need to be the winner and you, the loser."

If this particular things describes your partner, better know they are gaslighting you.


3. You find yourself diminishing in confidence

The manipulative quality of gaslighters makes it difficult for victims to ever increase in confidence or self esteem.

The manipulation happens gradually and over time the victim morphs into someone entirely different. The most confident human being can become a shell of a person without being aware of it in the process. Self worth is eroded, your idea of yourself and the confidence you may have had about yourself slowly fades as everything you know about yourself is now defined by the abuser’s twisted interpretation of your reality.


4. Your feelings don’t matter

One other way to know that you are being gaslighted is the way your partner downplays and waves away your fears, worries, concerns and feelings.

They might make statements like: "calm down," "you're overreacting," or "why are you so sensitive?"

You would find that you never feel self-validation; you are not understood and all of that can be extremely difficult to cope with.

5. You’re always apologizing


Obviously, because the gaslighter is never wrong even when that is clearly the case, you would find yourself apologizing when it is you who should be getting the apologies.


Unblock notifications in browser settings.

Eyewitness? Submit your stories now via social or: