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“Break up and make up” 7 ways unstable relationships harm us

If your partner can not tolerate you at your worse, then surely they don’t deserve you at your best. Marilyn Munroe puts it best; “I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure.

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African couple

Every relationship experiences some smooth-rough and bitter- sweet times. There are no perfect relationships but, if you keep breaking up and making up with the same person, you need to re-examine your life.

Unstable relationships are often hard to walk away from because they are filled with as much romance, excitement and passion as quarrels and abuse.

1. We create drama where there is no drama

The risk in staying in an unstable relationship is that the longer you stay, the more you get used to the instability and turmoil. In some cases even when you manage to get out and enter another relationship, you miss the passion that comes with the turbulence and try to create a similar situation or run back to the ex who was unhealthy for you.

You will be amazed what people accept as normal behaviour once they have had it repeated over and again. Don’t get used to bad treatment in any kind of relationship.

2. We don’t expect happiness to last

Unstable relationships no matter how passionate they are can only hurt you.  If you are constantly on the edge about the stability of your relationship, no matter how comfortable or familiar you have gotten with the situation or person, you can never find lasting happiness in the midst of the fear. 

If you find that you are unable to express yourself truthfully because you fear there will be another fight, your relationship doesn’t have a healthy future.

3. We begin to think we are unlovable

Most certainly, no one is perfect and there are ways to allow yourself to grow so that you do not repeat actions that cause instability in your relationship. However, if our negative traits cannot be discussed and worked on without huge fights and quarrels, you are setting yourself up for emotional abuse.

If you partner cannot accept you for who you are then it is not you they want. Generally, if you are in a relationship where you feel you are enough for your partner, it time to walk.

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4. We give too much and get nothing in return

If you find yourself in a situation where you give, give and give and get little or nothing in return, don’t’ stop giving, just change who you are giving to. Love someone one else who is able to love you back in equal measure. 

Staying in a one-sided relationship will get you frustrated and you may develop a negative attitude about relationships. 

5. We forget we deserve respect

Don’t accept lies just because you have heard them over and again, love is not turbulent, Love is unwavering.  You can love someone to the moon and back but if you don’t respect them, there really is nothing to go on with.

The future of your relationship will be based on mutual respect even when you disagree or are disappointed with each other. One person cannot always have their way in a relationship, once both of you understand this, there will be a lot of potential fight that will never happen.

6. We feel our partner is doing us a favour

If your partner can not tolerate you at your worse, then surely they don’t deserve you at your best. Marilyn Munroe puts it best; “I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure.

I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” 

7. We forget that love is tolerant

If you say you love everything about your partner, you are probably lying, every individual has characteristics that are intolerable to another. And since we are all unique, you will never find someone who does everything exactly the way you want it.

This is how the fights usually start, but it needn’t be so, love and respect is able to accommodate you even when you are being intolerable. If it doesn’t and everything has to be one big fight, please find someone else to love.

By Dormaa Yeboah

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