10 signs you're dating an emotionally unavailable person

Are you really serious about wanting to be in a committed relationship?1. Sexually FastBeware of a person who wants to become sexually familiar quickly. Often they are seducers just looking for another conquest. Or, if they are over-focused on sex it may be because they don't feel they have anything else to offer. Once the relationship becomes too intimate, they'll cut and run.2. A Real CharmerLook out for the person who is quick to flatter and compliment you without really knowing you. Often these people "do" charming (as opposed to "being" charming) and are adept at communicating and appearing enthusiastic and enthralled.

It's a well-rehearsed act. Their focus is on short-term intimacy, appearing to be open, revealing and vulnerable. In reality they prefer the chase to the catch.3. Complains about Past RelationshipsIn a discussion about their past relationships, they will denigrate their former partners. Their relationship break-ups are never because of their behavior or the problems they created.

The failures of their unsuccessful partnerships are always based on the faults of their exes. They lack the maturity to take responsibility for their mistakes in their past relationships.4. Can't Pass the Screen for IntimacyMake sure to probe a new person to find out why past long-term relationships did not work and ended. Ask questions to discern whether failure occurred because of their inability to develop intimacy or other issues that would give you pause for concern.5. What They SayOften emotionally unavailable people will say, "I'm just not good at having a relationship," or "I don't think I'm ready for marriage." Believe them! In this case, they are not lying.

But don't fall into their trap: there is something terribly seductive about trying to be "the one" who turns them around. Don't try. Accept their negative pronouncements. This may be the first and only time you'll hear them speak the truth (as they know it).6. How They Treat OthersEspecially when out in public with them, notice whether they treat others with kindness or contempt. For example, if they are rude to a waiter or taxi driver, it may be indicative of their pent-up anger.

This is a signal that they are a demanding and emotionally abusive person who will one day turn their anger on you.7. Their CharacterAvoid someone with a big ego, filled with conceit, who tries to win favor by bragging about who they are or what they have. This is a red flag that signals their low self-esteem and lack of emotional health.

Emotionally healthy people who have done some sort of personal development, by contrast, show a quiet confidence that says they can be intimate and committed despite their flaws.8. Watch Out for PerfectionistsEmotionally unavailable people tend to be perfectionists, always looking for the fatal flaw or character defect that gives them permission to exit a relationship and move on.

In reality, they are debilitated by their own self-criticism and fear of being rejected. They are so frightened of intimacy that eventually they'll find an excuse for leaving a relationship. (The booby prize is thinking that you'll ever be good enough to meet their impossible standards.)9. Self-Centered BehaviorBeware of someone who operates the relationship as if it should revolve around them. These individuals set the agenda for a relationship, control it, and won't be inconvenienced by having to modify their routine or the plans they've made.

This type of emotionally unavailable person is commitment-phobic, and not relationship-oriented. They are inflexible and loathe having to compromise.10. Elusive ConductThey seem to be available only when convenient for them. Your requests for more time with them are met with excuses about how hard they're working or how tired they feel.

Even after a seemingly intimate weekend, they can disappear for long periods with no regular contact. Their actions are incongruent with their words. It's easy for them to utter an "I love you," and then act in a way that is unloving.