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4 Things Your Man is Insecure About

If your boyfriend or husband feels that he isn’t pleasing you in the bedroom, it generates self-doubt and insecurity

4 Things Your Man is Insecure About

When it comes to relationships, there are some unique insecurities that men struggle with in particular. But they’ll often never tell you about them. So, I will.

You see, a man battling insecurity lives with a quiet gnawing fear, rather than a confident, positive intention. If your man can’t (or won’t) replace his fearful view with an optimistic outlook, his insecurity will ultimately hold him back as well as your relationship. But you can help him by showing him compassion, support, and understanding. The first step is to check out these four things many men are super insecure about.

1. He worries he's not good enough in bed.

If your boyfriend or husband feels that he isn’t pleasing you in the bedroom, it generates self-doubt and insecurity. It’s not an uncommon worry, especially since many men typically orgasm before women; his sexual desire and energy are then lower, which compromise his ability to keep going and please you.

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What can you do? Ask yourself if you have your own personal insecurities inhibiting you from sexually arousing yourself enough, which can in turn you to take longer to orgasm. Expecting your man to take on more of the responsibility to please you means he also may wind up with more of the shame of poor sexual relations within your relationship.

2. He's scared he'll lose you.

Some men do fear losing you or that you’ll have an affair. From this place of fear, he can go in one of two directions: becoming passive in the relationship, or becoming controlling. Or he may cycle through a combination, switching from the extremes of passive and aggressive. Sound familiar? It’s his insecurity that leads to his passivity or controlling behaviors.

I believe that whatever we focus on is what we create the likelihood of happening. By focusing on our insecurities (thinking that helps us avoid them), we actually illuminate them on the unconscious level. We tend to focus on what we don’t want to happen, yet where our mind (focus and attention) goes is where we go. And thus, in time, your man might accidently create the very experience he fears: losing you.

3. He secretly needs your approval (and your help).

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Clinical psychologist Dr. Joseph Nowinski points out that with insecurity comes a form of dependence on others to look good and “do for me.” Is your man dependent on you for his well-being and making him look good?

If he doesn’t feel good about himself, he’ll likely make you responsible for his inadequacies and vulnerabilities. There’s a likelihood that he’ll become demanding that you do things he feels he’s not capable of doing for himself, or want you to look a certain way to earn him respect amongst other men. Whether in passive or aggressive ways, his need for approval can simmer under the foundation of your relationship, unless he cultivates authentic confidence in himself.

4. His emotions scare the hell out of him.

As they grow up, many boys are conditioned not to give attention to their feelings and to distance themselves from their emotions. “Boys don’t cry.” “Suck it up.” “Don’t be a sissy.”

As a result, a man can wind up with little emotional strength. He doesn’t know what to do with his emotions because he’s been conditioned to shut them down and tune them out. This means he often won’t know what to do with yours, either.

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Author David Deida cites that a superior man knows how to “be” with emotions and is comfortable with your moods. If your guy struggles with this, it may simply be foreign and uncomfortable for him. Rather than admit this, he hides from his own emotions and negates your emotions even when he truly wishes to connect with you.

To overcome one's insecurities, a person must first admit them.

This means telling the truth to yourself about yourself, and then sharing this truth with another. But know this, ladies: Your love isn’t enough to diminish his insecurities. Being supportive and accepting can certainly help, but your man must find the will to step up to the plate. If can do his inner work on his own, then his insecurities will start to fade. The more he feels he can trust himself and find confidence in his own skin, the more he’ll trust you and talk about his insecurities with you.

Source: self.com

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