How important is lust in a relationship? Here's all you need to know

A relationship without passion is a friendship.

Black couple.

Understanding the difference between love and lust can be quite tricky, especially because lust is usually the first phase of most romantic relationships.


Love is a powerful feeling where you are completely bonded to another person and you look to sharing your life. It builds up over time and gets stronger as you learn to deal with tough situations together.

Sexual desire is usually a part of both lust and love, making it hard to distinguish between the two.

Lust may overwhelm your sense in a way that makes you feel that it is love. You may feel drawn to someone due to a sexual desire, but you may assume the pull you feel is because of love.

Why lust is important in a relationship

Love needs lust, and lust needs love.

It’s important to have both. For some reason, many of us think we have to choose between the loving guy that is faithful, trustworthy and caring and the guy that gets us all hot and bothered but that’s all he does. That’s just not the case.

Of course, many of us have probably been in a space before where passion made us do some crazy things and quickly realized that can’t be the end all be all in love. So, then we go the other way looking for someone “safe” and realize that’s not what we want either.

Sure, as you mature, you learn quickly that just being attracted to someone will not sustain you. As you begin to get more serious and even begin a life together, you will need way more than a heightened libido to get through life’s challenges. Many of us want someone we can also talk to about our dreams and passions in life, someone who will be a leader, a great parent, and the list goes on. At the point where our frontal lobe fully develops is when the real-life stuff starts to matter just a bit more.

But that also doesn’t mean we should throw passion out of the window. It’s really important too. Who really wants to be with someone they are not physically attracted to or longing to be around? At the core of our instincts, sex and sexuality is a huge part of our mating process. To sustain healthy connections as we move into long-term relationships and marriages, it’s essential to keep the passion in the mix. As the years go on, passion can certainly wax and wane, but it’s an important ingredient along with just loving another person to sustain. There will be times in your relationship when you will want to pull on both your physical attraction to one another and your deeper mental and emotional attraction.

The reality is, passion and attraction matter a lot, but it’s just not the only thing we should focus on when choosing our mates. just chasing the passion will lead you running around in circles, making phone calls and texts at 2 am that you never meant to, situationships and much more. But when you consider both, you are raising the stakes of finding something long-lasting instead of a fleeting tryst.

On the other hand, if you are only focused on the things that make someone an ideal “life partner,” you could end up in a dull, unexciting relationship. A relationship without passion is a friendship. Just like everything in life, it’s a balance and it’s key to know what’s most important to you.


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