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How Not to Love Advice African women are often given

Love the best way you can, life is too damn short to follow pointless pieces of advice.

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African women play

African women

Have you ever wondered why people find it so easy to tell women what to do and not do? Particularly as concerns their bodies, their emotions etc.?

I wondered recently about the many rules we're given which restrict event the way we choose to do the simplest, most natural thing: love.  Here are a few rules passed on to me or 'sisters' I know. This list is far from exhaustive.

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  1. Do not like him first, and even if you do, never show it. Die with that secret sister. The man should love you first. If not you're needy and God forbid he knows you're needy. He will use and abuse you. No one wants a needy woman.

  2. Do not be the first to say "I love you" he should say it first. Those words have power: You need to make sure he loves you before 'exposing yourself'.

  3. Date the man who loves you more than you love him. Heck, you don't even need to like him. Your affection may grow after he's showered you with love for months (or years)... and this way, you don't get as angry/hurt when he screws up (as it is claimed they all do). You'll hardly be hurt on hearing the man you barely like is cheating (such logic *_*)

  4. Don't be too honest, men can't handle blunt truth. Don't be openly sexual, but don't be a prude. Sacrifice your opinions, let him feel he is 'right' even when he's not- especially then.

  5. Treat him as your 'first child'. You'll know he's the one when he treats you like his 'mom'.

  6. Do not give a man money, it will emasculate him VS. Present to your man all your money, it will show you are submissive.

  7. Do not treat a boyfriend as though he is more than just that- a boyfriend VS. Treat a boyfriend as a would-be husband and he will know you are "serious".

People, my people this right here is why we're messed up. In a world full of hate we make love complicated. Then again the complication may be limited to one gender.

Because while your calculating whether who loves who more the guy is likely breezing through. It is worthy to note here that these complications, like the pieces of advice above are often spearheaded by other women. We are undoubtedly gatekeepers of patriarchy.  

Love the best way you can, life is too damn short to follow pointless pieces of advice.

By Monique Kwachou

Sex for Grades: A myth or reality?

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