Let's talk about how kids affect romance between partners

Just as you change your approach to many things when you move from single to dating and from that stage to the married stage, something also changes in that relationship between you and your partner when you have kids... or when you actually don't.

Kids impact your relationship one way or another - either due to their birth, or even for an inability to birth yours when you really want to.

Kids impact your relationship one way or another. Whether you have them or not. [Credit: kate sept2004 /Getty] Men want to be sure they can take care of their kids when they have them.[Credit: kate sept2004 /Getty] Pulse Nigeria

Not having kids affect relationships badly

All over the world, an overwhelming number of people want to have kids, to procreate and leave an offspring that carries their genes and carries on the family name and legacy. That desire is even more pronounced on this part of the map where getting kids, and many times more than one, is the ideal.

So people go into marriages expecting to bear kids. The whole of the wedding ceremony would even show the expectations, and just how much premium friends and family and even the couple place on getting kids.

To have that level of expectation and see it not materialize will eventually see the positivity in the marriage fade. In its place comes worry, concern, frantic attempts and less and less of romance.

One of the most stressful periods for a marriage is during the wait for kids [Credit - Shutterstock] ece-auto-gen

Even the best, most intimate and most loving couples would have their relationship strained with a lack of kids looming in the back of their minds. With expectations for kids reaching a frenzy, the thought never goes away, even when it’s not being talked about. Even when couples stay together and intentionally keep their eyes on remaining in love and weathering everything together, with an unmet desire for kids constantly at the back of their minds, romance can’t particularly flourish and it’ll tell on their relationship – positively in that it could bring them closer more than ever or drive them farther from each other emotionally.

Having kids has its own effects, too

One of the commonest things that happens to a couple’s relationship once they get kids is that their attention changes from being lovers to being parents. And while this cannot be condemned in any way, we till need to mention that couples are first lovers before parents. One does not need to be neglected in order for the other to flourish.

It’s difficult to achieve many times, being a mom and dad has to be balanced with being lovers. Romance has to stay alive, while supervision and involvement in the upbringing of the kids can’t suffer, too.

It’s usually a lot to handle, really. Sex suffers because you are too busy watching and fawning over the kids who have special sleep schedules that see them bouncing all night when mum and dad want to sleep. Date nights are not even as straightforward as they used to be, because you have an infant to lug around and worry about half the time you are on the date. It’s not easy to feel sexy when you have a baby on your hip half the time, when both partners are sleep-deprived struggling to stay awake.

Parenting is a 24-hour job that only gets better with time. And there is also a tendency for women to over-prioritize bonding with kids over staying bonded with their spouses.

Many mothers believe the rewards of watching their children grow up is worth the cost to their romantic relationships, but it really does not have to be that way.

Who says you can’t have both?