My boyfriend refuses to commit to me; but I still can't bring myself to leave him

Dear Bukky,

I’m a 28-year-old graduate teacher. I have been dating a guy for about a year now. I knew him for a bit when we would just chat, nothing serious because he was dating someone at the time.

Along the line, we became an item and agreed on keeping it coded. When he is with his girl, he won't call or text me. I became addicted to him. We have sex often. I tell him so many things about me. He is always there to listen to me whenever I want to talk to him and we have sex anytime I want.

I called for a break up later because I saw the whole thing was all about sex. I stopped having sex with him for a while and I didn’t chat or call him but he wouldn’t let me rest. He eventually said his girlfriend had broken up with him and we became close again.

He’s an undergraduate who does not work but I am not bothered because I love him.

The problem I have with him now is that I don't really know anything about him apart from what he told me. When I ask him to tell me about him he begs me that he can't say anything for now. I don't know his age, he stylishly asks me for money. I am confused.

I really love this guy even though I know he keeps other girls and he is not promising me anything rather he discourage me from loving him and sometimes he says he know I will leave him one day.

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Dear reader,

You might as well do that dumping now. To be honest, there is nothing in this story that validates it as a relationship in the sense that you want it to be in. His idea of what’s happening between you both obviously is not the same as what you think.

It appears to me that he thinks this is just a fling, a sexual relationship, some type of game, whereas you seem to be seeking something more serious.

So I have to mention to you that while your desire for a committed relationship are valid, your way of going about it is not. You cannot start a relationship with someone who has a girlfriend and expect loyalty from him. That said, a relationship with someone you know absolutely nothing about is a waste of time.

You do not know his age! That something as basic as that is being hidden from you should tell you that this relationship is fundamentally wrong.

Well, except you are cool with being in a purely sexual relationship, then you should have no problem with what’s happening.

If that is not the case, I recommend that you leave this situation for your own good and well-being. Block him from contacting you on every channel, clear your head, focus on positive living and detoxify this experience from your system.

I think you deserve better than this.

ALSO READ: Here are surprises couples often experience in the first year of marriage

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