Opanyin Kwadwo Kyere’s marriage lecture at Kokomlemle Methodist Church – 25 take-aways

In front of a packed auditorium from day one to six, Opanyin Kyere cleverly combined the bible and real-life experiences to shape behaviours and touch lives.

Below is a 25-point summary of his impactful talk.

1. Be a positive influence on your partner, friends, church and society. They should end up saying they wouldn't have come this far had it not been you.

2. No man is infallible and that is the more reason we are not married to angels. Everyone is bound to make mistakes or go wrong.

3. When someone wrongs you, just say to yourself, “It is painful, but it is not surprising. For the sake of love, I will let it go.” There is nothing perfect under the sun. When we do that we can easily forgive one another; especially people we love.

4. “Nowhere cool”: You think your marriage is the worst and you envy someone else's marriage, but if it is revealed to you the problems they go through in their closets, you would be content with yours. Even several reverend ministers have issues with their marriages. Hence, don't say if I had married Akosua, instead of Adwoa, I would have felt comfortable in life. There are problems everywhere.

5. Single people: don’t envy the marriage ceremonies of your friends. This is very common among ladies. Let’s say Yaa went to, for example, Ama’s wedding and Ama was being driven in a Limousine. Yaa after that day would set a target for herself to stage a wedding of Ama’s calibre and also be driven in a Limousine. Meanwhile, Yaa has no substantive job to support her husband to be and has also forgotten that Ama is a well-to-do woman. We should cut our coat according to our size.

6. Don't compare your partner to any other person. Take him/her the way he or she is.

7. Never say never in life: Never say. “I will never forgive my partner for going wrong,” or “I will never sleep with her again.”

8. Couples should aim at celebrating their 10th marriage anniversary in their own home. Building a house may seem mountainous, but you can do it in bits and pieces and it will shock you how powerful little efforts can go in the long term.

9. Ladies, don't develop the mind-set that you won't let any man control you in life. If you don't have a change of mind, you will continue to be single or struggle to have a successful marriage

10. Sisters- in-law: Be polite to your brothers’ wives. You don't pick up your phone and call, saying, 'I want to speak to my brother'. Rather, be courteous: say ‘Please, I want to speak to my brother'. In the end you will build a healthy relationship with her. I believe the same goes to brother in-laws.

11. A man will suffer a lot in a marriage if his wife develops an unhealthy relationship with his mother.

12. Beware of your former boyfriend or girlfriend. They can collapse your marriage. Don't lead them on or entertain them.

13. The man is the head of the home. No matter your status in society as a woman, your husband is still the head of the home. You might have excelled in your chosen career, perhaps more than your husband has in his, but you should still submit yourself to him. Accord him the respect he deserves as a man. As Christ is the head of the church, so is the man the head of the home. However, a man shouldn't take advantage of that and treat his wife like a slave: even something is closer to him, he would tell the woman to pick it up for him. That is abuse, and that is a bad habit.

14. Integrity: the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles. You should be truthful to your partner as much as possible. Being honest builds trust and confidence in the marriage. Honest people are hard to come by these days in a marriage. Several marriages are plagued by incessant doubts stemming from dishonesty. If your husband or wife is truthful to you, they you have to bless him.

15. Trust: Related to the above point is trust. The major cause of divorce in modern era is broken trust. Most couples file for divorce because they cannot trust their partners again.

16. Indulgence: An occasion when you allow someone or yourself to have something enjoyable, especially more than is good for you. You might not be happy with something your wife or husband is fond of doing, but for the sake of the love you have for her you need to accommodate it and adjust.

17. Poor approach to sex: Some men rush during sex. They don’t romance their partners to get into the mood before they start making love. Moreover, such persons end up climaxing quickly and leave their wives in the middle of the excitement. The issue of sex is a major cause of cheating in marriages, so it should be treated with caution.

18. Don’t marry a person through the sex gate: Assess what the person can bring on board outside bed acrobatics. There shall come times when sexual appeal and looks will fade, but something else ought to keep the marriage alive.

19. Don't enter into inter-tribal marriage if you don’t respect the tribe of the one you are courting. It is a fallacy for someone to say, ‘I don't like the tribe of my partner, but my wife is exception.’ The day you push him or her you would see the side that you don’t want to witness.

20. Parents should avoid pushing their children into marrying old men who are already established in life. The questions some parents ask their children when they introduce a man to home is can this man look after you. We have gone above the era that husbands are the only ones expected to cater for wives. Wives can also take care of their husbands or both can pull their resources together to build a family.

21. If you marry an old man with the bad intention that he would die early for you to inherit his property, you might end up dying before him. Marry people because you love them and not because of their property.

22. New couples should be brace themselves for setbacks of any kind, so they need to get shock absorbers. Seeing your partner’s private part for the first time, for instance, can be scary. You should be able to withstand it. Your partner could also be a bed-wetter, but you would have to help the person through it.

23. You should be particular about the sickle cell status of your wife or husband to be. Don’t be blinded by the love you share together.

24. Some wives deny their husbands sex if they don’t do their bidding. For instance, a woman can refuse to sleep with her husband just because he couldn’t buy her new dresses during Christmas. It is a bad habit. If you are one of such women, you should have a change of mind.

25. Husbands; be patient and listen to the counsel of wise wives. Some men are blessed with women full of wisdom and their husbands have to tap into that. Some men are too bossy and they think nothing good could come out of their better halves. They should change their ways.