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Relationship Tips Faking an orgasm - why men and women do it

They found the signs of genuine pleasure or genuine orgasm hard to decode from partner to partner because all women are so different.

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Unhappy couple play

Unhappy couple

Faking orgasms is seen by men as something that is dishonest. But quite a few of them believe it is a necessary evil. Others resent it because they think it gives them a false sense of security and doesn’t allow them to improve.

And the line of demarcation seems to be the guys who care about their performance versus the ones who don’t.

The guys I spoke to who genuinely cared about pleasing the woman they were with were upset and disconcerted at the thought that the pleasure they thought they brought her wasn’t real.

The guys I spoke to who weren’t terribly concerned about whether their partners enjoyed themselves to begin with were unfazed at the thought that the pleasure that was shown could be false.

But even more interestingly: it seemed as if most guys thought they could tell when a girl was faking. Upon further probing they revealed that they really couldn’t.

They found the signs of genuine pleasure or genuine orgasm hard to decode from partner to partner because all women are so different.

Which probably means then that more men have been faked out than are aware and more women fake orgasms than they will admit to.

The women I spoke to seemed to be in two camps as well about the ethics of faking orgasms.  Some thought of it as a natural part of sex and as a teaching tool of sorts. They believed that you should fake it till you make it.

Basically, the rationale was they faked it and built their partner’s confidence, their partners in turn became better at pleasing them and eventually learned to give them real orgasms.

However, no one I interviewed had actually had it happen personally. They had just heard of it happening and believed it could.

The women who didn’t believe in faking orgasms also had different rationales depending on outlook. Some, like me, who try on principle to never fake, saw faking orgasms as a social problem that allowed bad sex to proliferate because guys thinking they’ve done decent jobs go and replicate their performances everywhere else.

Either, a litany of fakers follow and then the hapless sap thinks he’s good in bed when he actually isn’t or the one poor woman who calls him out on his bad performance is treated like a crazy person who is frigid and unresponsive.

The one lonely brave soul then gets fed that old chestnut “My former partners all enjoyed this tremendously. It must be you.”

That not-faking-cos-it-is-a-vicious-unbreakable-cycle school of thought buys into the notion that as long as faking continues women as a whole will be enduring bad sex.

But not all women who do not fake do it for this reason. In talking to people I learnt that some simply felt like it was too much trouble.

The reasoning I heard was that it was enough that a guy was getting to fuck them and so if he was a delicate flower whose feelings were hurt by their not enjoying it, well then, it should not also be their responsibility to assuage his bruised ego.

But the most mind-blowing thing I learnt from this informal little poll of mine was that not only women fake. Guys fake sounds and pleasure and orgasms too sometimes. Who would have thought it? Now, according to some of the men I spoke with, while wearing a condom they have sometimes pretended to come when they actually didn’t. Why?

Because they didn’t feel like it was going to happen and the sex was taking a long time. They genuinely liked the girl, felt like she had derived pleasure from the experience and didn’t want her to feel bad but they personally had had enough. So they shuddered and thrust a little harder and allowed the girl to take it as she wanted.

She took it as they had had an orgasm and had ejaculated. They didn’t correct her. Of all the things I learnt this was the most fascinating for me. I wondered if any males could give any insight into this.

Guys, have you ever faked an orgasm? Or pretended to come though you didn’t? Why? Let me know.

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