To break up at the altar or walk into an uncertain marriage?

I recently read a story on social media about a lady who arrived hours late to her own wedding, wearing flip-flops only to break up with the groom at the altar! Infront of friends, family, well-wishers, clergy and haters, the lady ended their many months long relationship.

The lady had the luxury of having to walk out of the church with her head high while the groom, unable to summon the right facial expression had to face the guests and wedding party.

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An immediate reaction to the news is to conclude that the bride is crude and heartless for dumping her lover in the most savage way. It is hard to imagine that the lady made the move without intending to hurt the groom. Then the question arises that if she had legitimate reasons for not going on with the marriage as planned, should she not break it off before entangling herself any further? The alternative will be to attempt to preserve her groom’s dignity and go ahead with the marriage even though it’s something she doesn’t want to do.

In the absence of all the facts of the story, I have made up a few of my own. There are two major reasons why the bride will likely jilt her lover at the altar. The first is that, she found out something on the morning of the wedding, or something happened that morning which convinced her that the marriage is bad idea. The second is that she always had doubts about the relationship and decided on the morning of the nuptials to call it quits.

In a situation where the bride found something on the morning of the nuptials that convinced her that things will never work, there are more questions. Is it something the other partner took pains to hide that magically appeared on the morning of the nuptials? If that is the case, the bride is right to break things off before she gets drawn into cesspool of lies and deception. Even in that situation, the bride has to weigh the gravity of the deception and be sure that it is a complete deal breaker.

In an alternate situation where the bride or groom develops cold feet on the morn of the wedding because of something they’ve feared for a long time, the altar is not the place to change your mind. You’ve had all the years of dating, courtship, engagement and traditional marriage to back out and you refused, so go ahead with it.

Hurting someone who loves you in the most horrible fashion ever, because you couldn’t make your mind in time is immoral. Someone will ask whether hurting yourself instead is the right thing to do. Unless your potential partner has major character flaws (which you should have walked away from before things got serious), you should stay with them. Your “for better or worse” came in a day early.

Weddings are emotional for everyone, the couple, guests, family, photographers, God, etc etc. It is normal for people to question their decision in the heat of the moment; consider this, does a momentary emotional rush override a carefully considered decision made over months? It is not brave to leave your partner at the altar; it is a selfish decision that can have serious effects on the jilted partner. It is only acceptable in movies that our favourite characters leave a broken lover at the altar to unite their love. In the real world with real humans who deserve real respect and consideration, if you two are standing at the altar, it’s too late to walk away.

Author is Yaa Amponsah