'I Lost 190 Pounds Using Therapy To Manage My Binge-Eating Disorder'

Then, my weight started to yo-yo. In high school, I tried out LA Weight Loss and lost 85 pounds, but gained it all back (and then some) so that by my sophomore year in college, I weighed 353 pounds. But it didn't end there: I had gastric bypass surgery as a 19-year-old college student and lost 154 pounds. But, 10 years later, my weight crept back up 305 pounds.

Once I hit 325 pounds again-my second highest weight-I knew I needed to make some changes.

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View this post on Instagram . . The Happiest of Sundays to you kids. I admired my booty then;I admire my booty now. . . Let me say it for the people in the back: Dont think more of me because Im smaller now and dont think less of yourself or anyone else because theyre in a fat body. . . As a society, we need to treat fat people like......PEOPLE. . . Not once did the years and years of bullying or shaming inspire me to get healthy -like more than a few fat shamers and ostracizers will pretend is their goal. Instead, it had long term negative impacts on my mental health; Im looking at you, middle school . . Body size is not a moral issue. . Treat yourself, your fat fiends, your fat family, and random fat people you see in the world like....ummm....just regular ass people. (And please actively teach your children to do the same.) Okay? Thanks. . . Tomorrows Monday. Dont worry, we got this! . . Did you hear? I made a new YouTube video talking about what I usually eat. Hint: Its NOT a bag of iced oatmeal cookies. The link is in my Instagram bio. . . #nonscalevictory #fitnesstransformation #wlssupport #weightlosstransformation #weightlosssupport #weightlossmotivation #fitnessmotivation #instafitness #beforeandafter #bingeeating #plussizeblogger #bodyshame #bullying #chicagoblogger #plussizefitness #rny #fatshaming #weightlossjourney #weightloss #fitspo #obesetobeast #wlscommunity #goals #inspiration #instafashion #extremeweightloss #beforeandafterweightloss #progress #instafit A post shared by Amber Rochelle (@nineteenpercent) on Apr 7, 2019 at 12:12pm PDT

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In January 2017, I made a New Year's resolution to lose weight once and for all-and my first step was getting treatment for binge-eating disorder, depression, and anxiety. I realized I needed help when I found myself living the same dismal day over and over again-and food was my only oasis.

It took therapy to make me realize how awful my eating habits had become: I ate from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed. I'd often eat until I felt sick, go to bed, then wake up and do it all again the next day-and sometimes I'd even wake up in the middle of the night and snack. I also had physical symptoms: I always felt lethargic, sluggish, and bloated.

In therapy, we worked on developing normalized eating habits-but absolutely no crash or fad dieting.

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View this post on Instagram 85 of 365 . . Another #transformationtuesday is upon us. I went from: this dress doesnt fit to this dress doesnt fit. . . I would like to learn to sew one day so I could easily tailor this bad boy to fit again (and then fashion a matching headband and coordinated kids outfit with the extra fabric). Alas, I just cinch the excess with a rubber band in the back, slip on my white coat overtop at work, and BAM, still works! . . There is a 138 lb difference between these two photos. . . I can also now do squats reeeeeeeeaaaallly low to the ground and push ups off my entertainment stand. . . If youve hung around this page long enough, you know that the real change has been mental and started well before any weight loss happened. The change happened when I realized that fatness and happiness can exist in the same body; that I have every right to be out and about and take up space in a large body because Im a human being. The change happened when I learned that feelings arent facts and we really shouldnt believe every thing we think. Nor is it necessary to engage with every thought that pops into our brains. . . Im the same wonderful woman in both photos. Dont think more of me because Im smaller. Dont think less of me or anyone else, including yourself, for being larger. . . Now, you kids get out there and practice some mindfulness or meditation. I redownloaded the Headpsace app the other day and did a 3 minute session on my trip home, because small daily efforts add up. . Happy Tuesday, kids. . . Did you hear? I made a new YouTube video talking about what I usually eat. Hint: its NOT a bag of iced oatmeal cookies. The link is in my Instagram bio. . . #nonscalevictory #fitnesstransformation #wlssupport #weightlosstransformation #weightlosssupport #weightlossmotivation #fitnessmotivation #instafitness #beforeandafter #bingeeating #plussizeblogger #chicagoblogger #plussizefitness #rny #weightlossjourney #weightloss #fitspo #obesetobeast #wlscommunity #goals #inspiration #instafashion #extremeweightloss #beforeandafterweightloss #progress #instafit A post shared by Amber Rochelle (@nineteenpercent) on Mar 26, 2019 at 11:14am PDT

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I did still revamp my diet though, and I chose to keep it as simple as possible for myself. I ate 1,200 calories per day, which meant I had to drastically reduce my portion sizes. Because of that, I began eating foods that were already portioned out for me, like cans of soup or 100-calorie packs of popcorn. I also cut way back on fast food. Here's what I typically eat in a day:

Breakfast: Coffee and a vanilla protein shake
Lunch: Progresso Light Chicken and Vegetable Rotini Soup, an orange
Snacks: 100-calorie bag Orville Redenbacher popcorn sprayed with I Can't Believe It's Not Butter Spray and sprinkled with Truvia, a sugar-free gelatin cup, or a low-fat cheese stick
Dinner: Steak Portobello Lean Cuisine, with sauted mushrooms and half of a light English muffin
Dessert: Halo Top Ice Cream (rotating flavors, but Peanut Butter Cup is my favorite)

I also started to exercise regularly, committing to 45 minutes of movement daily.

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View this post on Instagram 62, 63 of 365 . . First (second image), its Monday. Around here, that means its #weighin day. . . Holy shit, Batman! Im down 6.6 pounds this week. The scale does what the scale wants. I assume thats mostly retained water, poo, and a little bit of fat that went away. . . I am totally winning that #healthywage bet! . . The icons in the picture frames represent things I feel have been helpful: 1. Popcorn specifically, but generally choosing low calorie snack options instead of donuts and chips and full calorie ice creams like I would in the past. 2. Instagram and my choice to stay engaged and accountable; to return for support and community and to be honest about whats working and whats not. 3. Twerking. I like to buss it wide open in my apartment to a playlist thats heavy on @iamcardib, @beyonce , @arianagrande, @nickiminaj and others. I get all sweaty and have more fun than when Im in the gym. Guess what. Thats exercise! . . . Secondly (first image), if there are two things I cant stand in home decor, its nautical themes and DOILIES!! However, DRESSING UP as a doily? Totally acceptable. Shirt is from Ross ($13), skirt is from Kohls by Lauren Conrad circa 2012-ish. . . FAQ: I tal lol about my struggle with Binge Eating Disorder, precious attempts at weight loss (including a failed surgery), and how I was finally successful this time around on my YouTube channel (accessible via the #linktree in my Bio). . . You kids have a lovely evening. . . #nonscalevictory #fitnesstransformation #wlssupport #weightlosstransformation #weightlosssupport #weightlossmotivation #fitnessmotivation #instafitness #beforeandafter #bingeeating #dietculture #plussizeblogger #plussizefitness #rny #weightlossjourney #obesity #weightloss #fitspo #obesetobeast #wlscommunity #greatness #goals #inspiration #extremeweightloss #beforeandafterweightloss #progress #instafit A post shared by Amber Rochelle (@nineteenpercent) on Mar 4, 2019 at 5:18pm PST

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Before therapy and dieting, I was constantly in pain and out of shape-even hoisting myself out of bed every morning was super-painful.

After I saw some progress with dieting, I added in exercise and chose to do essentially all cardio: primarily walking on the treadmill and increasing the incline gradually. I used the elliptical machine for some variety. Finally, after several months and feeling more fit, I mounted the stair-stepper machine and it became my go-to for an intense workout.

Two years after I decided to make a change, I've lost 190 pounds.

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View this post on Instagram 93 of 365 . . LEFT: Out running errands before a date with a handsome software engineer I met at Goodwill. He ended up being a dud, but that first date was 10/10. . RIGHT: Leaving for work; I will always love an umpire waist and a flowy skirt. . I quit waiting to lose weight to go on dates and have fun. That-I KNOW-is easier said than done. Jesus take the wheel because dating, period, but especially as a plus size woman is a whole other level of what-the-f*ck. Still, there are dates and fun and connections to be had, mixed in with all the duds and rejection. . . Ill share that, in my experience, having dated at 363 and 168 pounds: its different in some of the good ways I expected (more options generally, more mutual interest v. one-sided interest.) . However, some people still dont dig my vibe. Thats okay. I am not magically attractive to everyone. You wont be either. Yall! Ive even had a crush who didnt like me back and Im looking around like.....What-the-f*ck is wrong with him? I am ME! . . I know how that sounds, but I was perplexed and WE ARE ALLOWED TO GAS OURSELVES UP DAMNIT. Im here to be transparent re: feelings on this journey; thats how I felt. Im a good person with lots to offer. I assumed that now that I was fit, this crush would be easy peasy. Bing, bang, done! But, nah. . So, Im playing the field until I find someone who likes all of me just as much as I like me and just as much as I like them. . You dont have to wait to lose weight in order to: date, dance, wear shorts or a tank top, get a massage, swim, try a new activity, or LIVE YOUR LIFE. . Start doing that NOW, while youre working on your health & fitness goals-which often means losing pounds for many of you reading this, but its not only about a number. The fat woman on the left had a WONDERFUL day! Spoiler Alert: she was fat the whole day. . Happy Hump Day, kids. . How did I lose weight? Link in my bio for the YouTube vid. #fitnesstransformation #wlssupport #weightlosstransformation #fitnessjourney #weightlossmotivation #fitnessmotivation #fitfam #weightlossjourney #weightloss #fitspo #wlscommunity #beforeandafterweightloss A post shared by Amber Rochelle (@nineteenpercent) on Apr 3, 2019 at 5:05pm PDT

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I always tell people that small, daily efforts really add up-all of my progress was achieved one day at a time. On really difficult days-which I still have-I take things one meal or one moment at a time.

And while I'm proud of my weight loss, I want other women to know that they should never put their lives on hold while they're waiting to lose weight, like I did in the past. If there's no weight or size limit on your interests, then get out there and pursue them now. It makes the journey the much more enjoyable.