Love is a decision
What is love then, is it an undertaking you purposively and constantly commit yourself to, or is it just a tidal wave of feelings that sweeps you away?
African couple
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![We should really make a more conscious effort to become more aware of such behaviours [iStock]](data:image/svg+xml;charset=utf8,%3Csvg%20xmlns%3D'http%3A%2F%2Fwww.w3.org%2F2000%2Fsvg'%20width%3D'100'%20height%3D'100'%20data-ring-placeholder%3D'1'%3E%3C%2Fsvg%3E "We should really make a more conscious effort to become more aware of such behaviours [iStock]")
Well, sometimes looking at your string of relationships, you notice that most of them have been more head than heart. That is, you thought your partner was right so you started going steady with them.
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• First of all, love does not have to be one thing or the other; often times it is a mixture of both emotions and a dogged decision to stay with one person and tolerate all their fopperies.
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• Most people will argue that love is a feeling, and that anything less than a maddening desire to be with someone is mechanical. The thing is, deciding to commit to another person regardless of their faults is easier when you feel very strongly about them. Let’s say it is the feeling of love that keeps you smiling even when you feel like whacking your partner’s head with a skillet.
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• Thanks to literature and movies, love that is grounded on feelings is more popular than love based on a decision; falling in love, according to a lot of people is more ideal as compared to deciding to love. Here’s the thing though, couple who have been together for a longer time will say that love is more of a decision than a feeling. They say that with time the feelings go away, and only a commitment to stay remains.
What the above points suggest is that love is both a feeling and a decision. Should the feeling be placed above the decision, absolutely yes for me. Love becomes a decision only after people detect a connection to another person. When love is born out of feelings of respect, desire, tenderness and sacrifice, then you can decide how far you are willing to go.
The only catch is, does one fall in love before deciding? Or does one decide to love before falling in love? Every experience is different. What’s your story, and how is it working out for you?
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Author is Dede Williams
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![The contrast between someone who simply has healthy self-esteem and a narcissist can be seen in relationships with other people [Glamour]](data:image/svg+xml;charset=utf8,%3Csvg%20xmlns%3D'http%3A%2F%2Fwww.w3.org%2F2000%2Fsvg'%20width%3D'300'%20height%3D'172'%20data-ring-placeholder%3D'1'%3E%3C%2Fsvg%3E "The contrast between someone who simply has healthy self-esteem and a narcissist can be seen in relationships with other people [Glamour]")