5 unhealthy excuses for staying in a relationship with the wrong person

Leaving a toxic relationship can be one of the hardest decisions to make, especially if you've been with that person for a long time.

You keep recounting the good times, the happy memories, and all the best moments you've shared together. But when you weigh the good times against the bad, you realise that the bad moments outweigh the good.

Your heart aches when you remember the times when this person treated you indifferently, when you poured so much love into the relationship and barely got half in return. You might shed a tear or two as you wonder why you never had the courage to leave.

Why didn’t you leave sooner? What were you so afraid of? One might ask, and you'll tell them, "No, I did try to leave." But the person you love more than anything only seems to take you seriously when you threaten a breakup.

They beg you to stay, promising change, and with sweet words, they pull you back in. But does anything really change when you get back together? No. They pretend to change for a few weeks, but soon, they return to their worst behaviour, taking you for granted, refusing to communicate, and treating you poorly.

And so, the circle continues: getting hurt, trying to leave, being begged to come back, and believing in false promises. It becomes an endless loop. How do you break free? How do you look the person you love in the eye and say, “No, I can’t do this anymore”?

One day, when you've had enough, you decide within yourself, “Yes, I still love this person, but I love me more." You realise you need to leave this toxic relationship for your peace of mind. You need to choose yourself.

And this time, even when they come crawling back, showering you with empty promises and love-bombing, you see through the facade and fake words. You see them for who they really are. You look them straight in the eye and say, “I’m done.” You know there’s nothing left to say, no words that haven’t been said before. “Goodbye,” you tell them. This time, they realise that their usual tactics won’t work on you anymore, and they leave you alone.

You hang up the phone and, instead of feeling immediate relief, a deep sadness washes over you. “It’s over,” you whisper to yourself, and then you cry, hard. You cry for the loss, for the love you gave, for the time you wasted. You tell yourself, “I’ll be fine,” and this time, you believe it with every fibre of your being. It’s truly over, and you are free.

Why do people stay in a relationship with the wrong person?

Many people use excuses to stay with someone who isn’t right for them. These excuses are based on fear, hope, or the comfort of what’s familiar. But, being honest with yourself is the first step to breaking free from a relationship that is no longer serving you. When you realise that, you can now build the much-needed courage to leave that toxic relationship.

Let’s look at some common but unhealthy excuses that might be holding you back and why you should reconsider them.

1. “I’ve invested so much time in this relationship”

One of the most common excuses for staying with someone who’s wrong for you is feeling like you’ve spent too much time with them to just walk away. But staying with someone just because of the time you’ve already invested is not a good reason to stay. Time is something you can never get back, but that doesn’t mean you should waste even more of it being unhappy. The longer you stay, the more time you’ll lose. It’s never too late to choose your happiness and start fresh.

2. “I’m afraid of being alone”

Going back to being single can sound distressing, especially if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time. The thought of starting over or facing life without your partner can feel overwhelming. But staying with someone just to avoid being alone isn’t healthy. You deserve a partner who makes you feel loved, not someone who just fills a void. You’ve found love before. You can do it again.

3. “They have so much potential”

It’s easy to fall in love with someone’s potential, imagining who they could be if only they changed. You might believe that if you try harder and are patient enough, they’ll become the person you need them to be. But people don’t always change, and holding onto the hope that they will isn’t fair to you.

You deserve someone who loves and respects you as you are, not someone you’re constantly trying to “fix.”

4. “Everyone has flaws”

No one is perfect, and every relationship has its ups and downs. But there’s a big difference between normal relationship challenges and serious issues like disrespect, lack of communication, lack of support, or emotional abuse. Dismissing the obvious red flags behaviour because “everyone has flaws” can keep you stuck in a toxic cycle. Yes, people have imperfections, but that doesn’t mean you should accept being treated poorly. You deserve to feel safe, valued, and happy in your relationship.

5. “We’ve built a life together”

Shared memories can make it feel impossible to leave a relationship. But, staying just because it feels convenient or because you don’t want to disrupt your life isn’t the best. A comfortable but unhappy life together isn’t worth sacrificing your emotional and mental health. Sometimes, leaving is the only way to rebuild a better, more peaceful life.

Never think you won't find love again. You’ve found love before, and you will again. Choose yourself first, and always remember that you are worthy of real, unconditional love.

ALSO READ: How to leave a toxic relationship when you still love your partner