Bukky Sanni

Why is it that some people are sweet at first, they always have time for you, serious at first but change up after you fall in love with them so much?

Does it mean that all the romantic moments would happen at first but never last?____________

I think you are in a place now where many people have once been and can absolutely relate with.

Falling in love and being in a relationship are two different things. Linked, but definitely different.

Falling in love is easy, random and unpremeditated. Being in a relationship requires a lot more than that. It is a continuous conscious effort that one needs to stay committed to giving, especially when it is uneasy.

Love isn’t always dreamy and rosy and perfumed. It is gritty as well; requires you digging in your feet and fighting to maintain your promise to the best of your ability.

This part often comes later on. The beginning comes with a heady, giddy happiness. And that deceives people into thinking that that’s how it’ll be forever. But sadly it never does.

What everyone needs to realise is that sometimes you won’t feel in love. And married people have attested to this. But feelings no longer matter after the beginning. It is the decision that counts.

In those instances, learning to not nag or throw tantrums is best. And for the partner going through the phase, pushing themselves as much as possible to stay emotionally connected will go a long way.

Romance can and does last forever. But it gets to some point where it is effort that’ll push it through, no longer feelings.

Do you want to talk about your love life, marriage or family issues?

Do you have burning questions that you would love to get answers to?

Just send a mail to&nbsp;<a href="" id="f929edbb-dbbf-45ce-a526-4ce00df85103">relationships@pulse.ng</a>&nbsp;and I'll provide the most honest answers to them anonymously.

Note; the chances of getting a quick response reduces if the text in your email has a lot of abbreviations. So, please write as properly as possible.

So, why not send that mail today and let's talk about it?

A problem shared is a problem half-solved!

Does it mean that all the romantic moments would happen at first but never last?

Why does a man's love for you reduce after some time?

I’m writing this on behalf of a dear friend who is devastated and she really needs someone to talk to.

She had her one and only abortion at the age of 16 because she was naive and not prepared for it. Fast forward to present day, 12 years after, she's so in a very serious relationship which will definitely lead to marriage and her fiancé has asked her before if she has ever had an abortion before and she denied it jokingly.

But he asked on another occasion, and she was scared to talk but the guy sensed she had something to say about the subject but he didn't press further.

Now the question is - should she tell him the truth and stand the risk of losing the relationship or should she just keep quiet and let the guy find out himself?

Though ever since she has the abortion about 12 years ago, she never went to the hospital to check for anything because a month after she had the abortion, she started seeing her period again and she never had complications too even till date.

She's scared that maybe something isn't just right about her body since this issue is coming up at this time.

Thanks; I’m looking forward to your advice.

I think your friend needs to tell her boyfriend the truth. Yes, it would be difficult, scary and would be a huge risk to take but it is the right thing to do.

If the relationship is going to lead to marriage as you say, then they want to go into it with all relevant details fully disclosed.

And while I believe that <a href="http://www.pulse.ng/lifestyle/relationships-weddings/7-things-your-partner-does-not-need-to-know-about-you-id8168125.html" id="99389f47-d328-4146-975f-08523b30edbf">you are not meant to tell your partner everything</a> about your past, sensitive and significant information as this, which could be later discovered in the relationship to devastating effects, is not one to be kept from one’s partner.

Your friend has to tell her fiance. It’s the only sensible way.

However I’ll advise that before she tells him, she should probably go to the hospital to see if every reproductive organ is intact and to get medical confirmation that she’s OK to conceive and give birth to babies. Because, let’s face it, that’s all this boils down to – the boyfriend’s need to be sure that nothing will interfere with childbirth in the marriage.

It’s tough, I understand, but one of the things about being an adult is living with, and taking full responsibility for all the choices we have made, good or not-so-good.

She has to tell him the truth about this part of her past.

Just send a mail to&nbsp;<a href="" id="d65e8c92-62d4-4aea-b99c-d21bc2ffc71c">relationships@pulse.ng</a>&nbsp;and I'll provide the most honest answers to them anonymously.

Do not guiltrip yourself to taking your ex back [Credit: CreativeKenya]

I'm confused; should I tell him the truth and stand the risk of losing my marriage-intended relationship?

Relationship Talk With Bukky: Do I really have to tell my boyfriend that I've once been pregnant?

<h1>I'm a 24-year-old-lady, with a confused mind. I met a guy through Instagram, And we've been together for like a month now but we've seen each other just once. </h1>

This guy has been going on and off, like this minute he's acting really caring and the next minute he's acting weird,

He told me about a girl he was dating, and how his relationship with her isn't going too well, as he needed a new relationship according to him. I've tried my best as a girlfriend to this guy. I really love him. So I was going through his profile and noticed he commented something loving to the girl he told me about,

I told him and he explained that he didn't mean what he typed, and that he really cares about me than the girl. I forgave him and decided to move on with him, I called him yesterday. He didn't pick and I called him with a friend’s phone and he picked. I felt embarrassed.

So I told him I'm done with him, he didn't even call or text me back. I really love this guy I don't know what to do again about him. I tried forgetting him, it's just so difficult for me. Please I need help, what can I do?

I think you have an easy decision to make here and for very obvious reasons.

I hate to point it out to you, but the fact that you met him online, you’ve only seen him once, and have been ‘dating’ for just one month means that he is not so serious about you. If it’s been such a short time and he’s already doing all of this, you should really not be sweating it at all.

My advice is to block him, block all communication channels, stop picking his calls, refrain yourself from reaching out and allow yourself detox your system of him.

He doesn’t seem interested in being with you, or bothered about losing you. That should tell you all you need to know.

That’s not your man. The earlier you realized this and started acting like it, the better.

ALSO READ: <a href="https://www.pulse.ng/lifestyle/relationships-weddings/5-romantic-ways-to-propose-to-your-girlfriend/zbvdlb2">5 romantic ways to propose to your girlfriend</a>

Just send a mail containing your question and location to&nbsp;<a href="mailto:relationships@pulse.ng">relationships@pulse.ng</a>,&nbsp;and I'll provide the most honest answers to them anonymously.

Victims of domestic violence and shame [Credit: Videoblocks]

I really love him.

How do I deal when the man I love acts like he does not love me back?

<h1>On this particular day, I decided to pay him a visit since he has been wanting me to, when I got there he gave me his laptop to watch a movie because he wanted to get something for me nearby. The movie wasn't interesting to me so I decided to check out the pictures.</h1>

Then I stumbled on a studio picture of him and a lady. I asked him to be honest and plain. He said he has a girlfriend but he's not serious with her and begged me to give him time that he loves me and not that he wants to use and dump me.

I was already falling for to this guy but guys of nowadays can be so cunning. I'm really heartbroken and I don’t know what to do.

My honest advice is for you to not proceed with that relationship. Anything that starts on such deceptive note is bound to be filled with problems later in the future.

If you did not stumble on that image, do you think he would have come correct with you about having a relationship? My guess is as good as yours.

I think you should consider yourself lucky enough to have discovered this truth so early into the situation. Imagine getting in waist-deep before realizing that there is another woman, by which time you can’t pull out as easily as you can now.

So think of it in that light. There is still some positivity in all of this, and that is that you got to know about this other woman quite early. There isn’t a lot of emotions yet, not a lot of activities have been invested in it too, and that should make it easy for you to back out now that you still can.

Yeah, I think that’s the wise thing to do. Back out of the situation and never go back. If he set lies as the foundation of the relationship, then nothing should make you want to continue being with him now that you have found out the truth.

Just send a mail containing your question and location to&nbsp;<a href="mailto:relationships@pulse.ng">relationships@pulse.ng</a>, and I'll provide the most honest answers to them anonymously.

So, why not send that mail today and let's talk about it?

One other important aspect is the decision of whether to tell, or not to tell your significant other about the struggle. [Credit Black Excellence]

How to react when you discover your partner has been cheating on you [Credit Black Excellence]

I met this guy early this year... I just left a toxic relationship when we met and I didn't want to give any guy a chance till I feel I'm ready but he proved to be real. He did everything I've always wanted from my ex. I was softened and I decided to give him a chance.

Relationship With Bukky: He has a girlfriend but won't stop chasing me; now I'm falling and so confused

For some seven years now that I have been married, I have been dealing with cheating issues, emotional torture, stinginess, lack of good sex ( he lasts only five minutes) etc.

We have two kids together. It was a love marriage but our marriage was only a year plus when he developed schizophrenia.

As a matter of fact, I have been enduring till now, but I’m tired.

I have cheated on him too because I couldn’t manage anymore and now I have no feelings for him whatsoever.

I want to seek for divorce and have the custody of the kids.

I actually commend you for deciding to leave, seeing that the marriage no longer holds any sort of happiness for you.

I understand how difficult it must be but I also think it’s admirable to see the courage it took you to decide on this.

Staying in a bad marriage that <a href="http://www.pulse.ng/lifestyle/relationships-weddings/6-relatable-reasons-why-people-remain-in-bad-marriages-id6344941.html" id="192b8ccd-bb6f-426a-ba94-e0abebf998dc">no longer holds any happiness</a> isn’t too good, <a href="http://www.pulse.ng/lifestyle/relationships-weddings/does-it-make-sense-to-remain-in-a-bad-marriage-for-the-kids-id6573632.html" id="c0614943-4d17-467f-97af-85b54a8fece2">not even for the kids</a>. If that's what your marriage has come to and you feel this is the best thing for you, then please go ahead with it.

Having said that, there’s only one thing to do – enlist the services of a lawyer. A credible one who comes with referrals of having experience with getting favourable judgement for women at divorce proceedings.

Good luck and I hope you rediscover happiness.

Just send a mail to relationships@pulse.ng and I'll provide the most honest answers to them anonymously.

Why, exactly, do women cheat? [Credit: Odyssey]

For seven years, this woman has been dealing with emotional torture, lack of effort and terrible sex. Now she wants out -  alongside her babies.

I want to leave my husband of 7 years and take the kids with me

I need your help. I am married for three years plus with two boys. My husband stays out and sometimes sleeps out, and comes back the next day without remorse.

One day he went out from work and promised to buy some food stuff for the kids while coming back, only for him to come back the next day. I was so hurt that I started asking him where he was coming back from. He said I should never ask him that. I asked him for the baby food which he didn't even buy. We started exchanging words and ended up fighting. He almost strangled me to death that I told my parents out of anger and fear.﻿

My elder sister was furious that she threatened him. He did not come home the next day even when the kids where sick it never bothered him. OK finally the issue was settled.

I had to go get family planning and in order to be able to have sex with him every two days because he loves sex. With all of this, this man is still withdrawn from me. I love him so much and already have two kids with him but with weaknesses like smoking, drinking and hanging out in the night to come back very late. I’m really confused and don’t know what to do.

There is only one thing that stands out in all of this and that is the fact that there is domestic violence in this marriage.

Domestic violence is not something to just sweep under the rug and pretend like it’s not happening. Every other thing that bothers you in this relationship should be second to this. None of your worries really should be as big as looking for a way out of this.

So, in my opinion, get that man to a marriage counselor or whatever that will ensure that he never lays his hands on you again. And I only say that because I don’t want you to throw in the towel without trying to salvage what’s left of the relationship.

If he keeps hitting you, then you have no business being in that marriage. Nothing should make you stay there. Not your kids, not to save face, not for any reason. Your life and well-being and continued existence is more important than any of that.

Please don’t underrate the domestic violence aspect of his behavior. Be bothered. Try to get help but most importantly don’t be scared or too afraid to get out.

Just send a mail containing your question and location to relationships@pulse.ng and I'll provide the most honest answers to them anonymously.

5 things that happen when your man's sex drive is lower than yours [Credit: The Trent]

I love him so much and already have two kids with him.

He hits me, drinks too much and keeps late nights, still I love him

I don't know how this sounds but I and my boyfriend have been discussing sexting for a while now to no avail.

In my previous relationship, I and my ex used to sext a lot and I really liked it.

I still do, but every time I tried to initiate it with my present boyfriend, he clamped up and ended the chats by looking for excuses to get out.

I finally had to talk to him about it and he says he just can not, that it's not right. We have argued and argued about it but I have not been able to convince him.

I know this might sound unimportant and an unserious matter, but means quite a big deal to me as I really enjoy enjoy doing it and I think it's a way of creating even a better bond between partners.

Could you please educate me on this, am I right to desire this thing, or could it be wrong for partners to engage in sexting?

I'll appreciate a response to this, please, as I intend to forward the response to him, even if it does not favour me.

Sexting is not a bad thing as far as I'm concerned; it has never been a bad thing and won't ever be.

However, that answer can not be taken in isolation. Here is what I mean; if for instance you are sexting with another person other than your partner, then it is of course wrong.

Not to deviate too far, like I said, sexting is not a bad thing and it indeed brings partners more intimacy and adds an extra sexual edge to the relationship or marriage.

However, romantic relationships are about compromise and understanding, and this is very important for you and your partner at this stage.

I think your partner might need to relax his stance a bit. If he has closed up his mind to sexting because he thinks it's a bad thing, then I think you should get him to read this post.

Furthermore, I'll advise patience on your part in getting him to ease into the act of sexting.

If he decides to give sexting a try, he'll be new to it and you are obviously more experienced than him, so be patient enough to guide and ease him into the act as smoothly and gently as possible.

I hope you both find this answer useful.

10 things guys think when you don't text them back

He says it's wrong for us to sext but I see no problem with it. How do we reconcile this difference?

Relationship Talk With Bukky: My boyfriend thinks sexting is wrong; how do I convince him that it's OK?

I’m 23 years old, I broke up with my ex-boyfriend two years ago but recently we reconnected and started seeing each other often but he has a girlfriend and he still tells me he wants to try and make us work.

I send him nudes and we have sex, I even went to Calabar to see him and I’m so in love with him and I don’t know what to do. I’m confused.

He hasn’t given me any reason to not love him; he treats me so nicely and tells me how much he still loves me but he still hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend again. I feel like I’m being used.

In a conflicted situation like this one in which you find yourself, the first thing to do is ask yourself; what do I really want?

This is really important because without a knowledge of this, you are really putting yourself out there for whatever comes. So know what your desires are, and consider what the pros and cons of that decision is.

So here’s the deal: you know he has a girlfriend but you still like him and regardless of the girlfriend’s existence, you have continued to do things with him. As an adult, I think you need to take some responsibility for these actions. He is not using you if you knew about the girlfriend prior to getting back with him. I think you knew exactly what you were getting into.

If you are sending those nudes and having sex with him in the hopes that he’ll leave his girlfriend and get with you, then I think you are the one that has been playing yourself. You need to be honest with yourself and also be clear with that man about what’s up. If you are playing games, you need to go into it with the knowledge that it’s either you win or you lose. And when you lose, you shouldn’t cry foul because the game is the game.

Ask yourself; “why do I feel like I’m being used?” Whatever your answer, I think you need to stop hoping that he’ll leave his girlfriend for you. Just move on with your life if exclusivity is what you are looking for. You should go get that from someone else.

Do you want to talk about your love life, marriage or family issues? Do you have burning questions that you would love to get answers to?

Just send a mail containing your question and location to relationships@pulse.ng, and I'll provide the most honest answers to them anonymously.

So, why not send that mail today and let's talk about it? A problem shared is a problem half-solved!

What if your partner can't get the person's memory off their mind [Credit: NBC News]

He's my ex and actually has a new girlfriend. Still I feel like I'm being used.

Relationship Talk With Bukky: I want to be his girlfriend but all he wants is sex!

I'm 26 years old. I met a guy a couple of months back and we started dating. To cut the long story short, I had sex for the first time ever with him and now we are having some challenges.

The guy is AS and I'm AS too. I'm beginning to have different thoughts about my relationship, I think he just wants to play and dump me much later.

Please I need your advice.

A relationship can be really tough, no one really knows how it ends from the beginning. If things are done right, you'll get good results otherwise it doesn't end well.

I need you to think about this, what exactly do you want from this your current relationship? Once you've established that then the rest will start falling into place.

You need to see your relationship from another perspective and not just yours. How long did you know this guy before you decided to date him? Did you have this same feeling that he 'just wants to play' before agreeing to date him? Did you decide to have sex with him because you felt your relationship would eventually lead to marriage? Did you watch his attitude closely before having those thoughts?

Your AS genotypes can also be an issue especially if you are having problems in your relationship due to this matter.

Personally, I think this is a relationship that is best ended. Genotype issues are not things to joke with and it is always advisable to leave rather than cleave in situations like this.

I think he just wants to use me and dump me.

We're both AS but I love him so much & want him to take our relationship serious

My boyfriend doesn't love me anymore. Should I pressure him?

That is a wrong mindset to have. It is never going to be OK to pressure anyone, no matter how gorgeous or fantastic they are, into loving you.

If the relationship with this man has given you so many great memories and this is why you now find it hard to accept that he has lost interest in the whole thing, you can take heart from knowing that you are better off by yourself than staying at a place where your presence is no longer appreciated.

When you want to be with someone, you should be sure at all times that they want to be with you just as badly as you want to be with them. The moment that balance is lost in the relationship, things will never be the same anymore and it does not make sense to be the one who begs or forces things to remain as they are.

If he wants to go, let him go. Pressuring, forcing and holding him back against his wish only puts you in a position of disadvantage. The relationship becomes one sided and that is not what you want.

If he cannot stay with you because he wants to, sister, let that man go.

You're handing him super powers over you.

Relationship Talk With Bukky: Why it makes no sense to pressure a man to stay with you

I have been in this relationship for a couple of months now.

Initially she seemed to be all I ever wanted and hoped for, but at some point she started with complaints and gave threats of leaving to which I pleaded because I’ve always wanted the relationship to work.

We argued most times over things that are yet to happen.

I started getting paranoid and asked questions like “can you ever cheat on me?” and I get so furious when she replies with stuff like “you never can tell, things happen” or “If you do not give me reasons to, why should I?”

I’m wondering if this is right in any way or I’m the one being naïve here.

I believe cheating on a partner is never a mistake and no one in his right sense should want to do that to someone they proclaim to be in love with. It should not even be as excuse for a revenge in my opinion

Likewise I’d like to know how open one should be in a relationship. I know phones are private properties but how private can it be? Why should we have passwords?

Why should my partner feel so furious when I try checking Whatsapp on her phone, why can’t she talk to most people she refers to as her male friends in my presence?

I’d like to state that forcing someone or pleading with them to stay in a relationship is never a good move, and you might never enjoy that relationship.

Loving someone/being in a relationship with them requires all the attention and dedication possible. So, when someone’s mind is not in a relationship, how does that even work?

You surely must have heard before that being in a relationship out of pity isn’t a cool thing, so if your girlfriend says she’s fed up and wants to leave, chances are that her mind is really and truly out of it, and begging her not to leave you only gives her all the power over you.

You might be better served letting her go. Let someone remain with you because they want to, not because they pity you. Most times, you won’t get anything good out of that relationship.

As for other questions you asked, I think they are just evidence of the fact that she wants out of the relationship, and she’s only still in it because you begged her, not because she really wants to be there.

Finally on the issue of openness in relationships, the need for passwords and all that, I think that depends on the situation in different relationships. What works in this relationship dies not work in others, so the level of openness and privacy in relationships depends on the partners in those relationships.

If your partner is furious that you are checking her messages, it could be because she does not check yours which makes it wrong [in my opinion] for you to check hers.

Like I said, this thing works differently in different situations.

Imagine your partner reaching out to the other person for more trysts behind your back [Credit: Bustle]

Am I being naïve and overly sensitive here?

Relationship Talk With Bukky: Is it Ok for her to feel so furious when I check her Whatsapp messages?

My boyfriend doesn’t sext me, but I have caught him sexting on chat sites. Why not with me and with strangers?

Talk to him about it. I think this shouldn’t be more difficult than it really has to be.

Deal with it by asking him why he does not sext with you. Make him know that you do not mind that.

It is actually possible that he is avoiding this type of conversation with you because he fears you may not like it. By speaking to him about it, telling him it's fine to sext and talk dirty with you and actually angling yourself in a manner that encourages him to be free enough to explore this option with you, you may find that what you think is an issue might actually be none at all.

On the flipside, you could find out, after your conversation with him, that he is doing it out of utter selfish interests that has nothing to do with you.

In any case, you have to tell him to desist from it immediately and if he refuses to listen to you, I see no reason why you should continue being with him.

I’m guessing you do not like being with cheating men; because that is what he is doing by have those intimate sexual conversations with other woman.

Discontent in relationships [Source: Alamy]

Why not with me and with strangers?

Relationship Talk With Bukky: He has me but chooses to sext other women online

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