Ross McCammon

My wife and I and the kids parents had a good laugh about it over dinner when the anecdote was relayed to us. Ha, Captain von Trapp. Because of the look! (Do the look, honey!)

The look is that tight expression that we do when our kids are misbehaving in public-at a birthday party, say. You dont want to yell. No, that would only call attention, so you laser-beam what you think is a discreet look that harnesses the expressive power of your eyes and your mouth, compressing them into one pinched, terrifying mega-feature that says...I am not happy, and I want you, a small child, to telepathically feel the brunt of my misery and displeasure. I will silently destroy your misbehavior.

It took being compared to a notorious movie jerk for me to begin understanding the effect I might be having on my son. That planted the seed. Over a few months, I would catch myself doing the look and feel a pang of regret even as the look brought on the behavioral results I wanted. My wife must have sensed I was softening, because she started to point out times when Id let my displeasure with my kids get the better of me. Around our friends, it was the look. At home, it was a stern tone of voice-an almost yell that was somehow more emphatic than a full-on yell. I began to have a vague awareness that there might be a problem, and then earlier this year, she dropped a bomb: You dont want to be a joyless father.

It took being compared to a movie jerk to understand the effect I might be having on my son.

Joyless. Was that what I was becoming? I didnt grow up with my father around-my parents split when I was a few months old-so I didnt really have a model for what a father was supposed to do. What I thought I missed most from my childhood was someone who would show me how to fix cars and split wood and take risks and practice discipline. I thought that my childhood was somehow deficient for not having an authoritative yet capable father around. When my son was born, I began to unconsciously adopt manly postures: stoicism, discipline, courage.

The problem is if you dont balance all that out with wackiness and fun, then those virtues will manifest as one thing: asshole. The look I would give my son wasnt the look of a dad but of a bully.

After this realization, I did what any American who wants to transform his life does: I went on Amazon, typed in an incredibly specific search term (why am I mean to my kids), and bought the best-reviewed book. A couple days later, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, by Laura Markham, M.D., arrived. I read it in two days. I marked up almost every page with notes and underlines. I texted passages to my wife. I absorbed it.

The book is not really about parenting. Its about being a kid. Its about seeing life from a childs point of view. Its about understanding that children dont want to misbehave. They want to figure out what the limits are. And they misbehave because certain needs arent being met. Now, the need might be a snack. The need also might be love and support. (Good parenting pretty much comes down to snacks and hugs.)

There are dozens of memorable lines in the book, but the one that got me was this: Remind yourself: ...A child needs my love most when he least deserves it. Well, whatever dark emotional engine makes my face twist up hasnt been working as well since I read those words, which rightly emphasize the desperate need children have for parental love above anything else-especially when theyre feeling their most vulnerable. Im a better father to my son now, not because I figured out how to be a dad but because I figured out how to be a friend.

Am I still the Captain every now and then? Sure. But it only takes a few bars of Edelweiss to snap me right out of it.

The first warning sign was when one of my six-year-old sons friends compared me to Captain von Trapp. He was watching The Sound of Music with his parents one evening and Christopher Plummer appeared on the screen for the first time as the Captain, glaring at his happy children, blowing that stupid whistle, and looking generally like a miserable brute. That's when my sons friend said, Hey, Dad. Its Ross!

Why Being a 'Manly' Dad Can Be So Bad for Your Kids﻿

The Best Cars of 2019... So Far!

Theres a Change.org <a href="https://www.change.org/p/hbo-remake-game-of-thrones-season-8-with-competent-writers" id="89cbb7fc-c52f-3c7f-a635-99f3400440c9"> petition </a> to remake season 8 with competent writers. One million people had signed by the morning of the series finale.

Reactions have mostly ranged from the outraged...

I Cant Freaking Believe The Trash i am Watching. Game of Thrones Was One of My Favorite Shows But Season 8 is TRASH it Sucks, They are Rushing Everything, I Cant Believe this ! Guess an 8 Years Old was Writing The Script. What a Shame. <a href="https://t.co/8l9kK0BcfL" id="5b7c9e00-0a44-3e8a-ad0b-364367a942e2"> pic.twitter.com/8l9kK0BcfL </a> - Sultan Almuzaiel (@Master_Haar) <a href="https://twitter.com/Master_Haar/status/1128799590248013826?ref_src=twsrc^tfw" id="13a13532-82db-310a-a7a5-2d01bbf96a94"> May 15, 2019 </a>

Me: Season 8 of <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/GameofThrones?src=hash&amp;ref_src=twsrc^tfw" id="5f95cadf-8ed4-3725-a040-332e31e9340a"> #GameofThrones </a> has been rushed with numerous plot holes and illogical writing. Also me when the final episode starts: <a href="https://t.co/QmFshVPqCK" id="fa229599-6a02-39d0-a2c4-b48c2ff5da80"> pic.twitter.com/QmFshVPqCK </a> - Andy Ha (@AndyHa_) <a href="https://twitter.com/AndyHa_/status/1130097229052690433?ref_src=twsrc^tfw" id="4e7f8ecb-1d51-31bc-aadd-0a9168527842"> May 19, 2019 </a>

"remaking season 8 of Game of Thrones with different writers" is actually very easy &amp; you don't even need a petition to do it. it's called fanfic. - Gavia Baker-Whitelaw (@Hello_Tailor) <a href="https://twitter.com/Hello_Tailor/status/1129002846240878592?ref_src=twsrc^tfw" id="fc38f483-27c4-3dba-ae19-cd10a1619e23"> May 16, 2019 </a>

The only problem with complaining about season 8 though, is that the whole series from start to finish, from Bran falling to whatever Dany vs Jon imbroglio occurs in the finale is and here I search for the right words an absolute f---ing miracle.

The books were basically unfilmable, as Entertainment Weekly editor-at-large James Hibberd recently <a href="https://www.esquire.com/entertainment/amp27487079/game-of-thrones-media-coverage/" id="0daef55f-b22a-3a43-a8cf-acb363703f4c"> told </a> Esquire. The most lifelike fire-breathing dragons ever. Armies of cadavers. It's so difficult to render that each episode of season 8 is estimated to cost $15 million.

For those of you who prefer Dothraki when speaking of Game: Kmon! Ees Greath Showsa!

And its a show that has consistently provided fan service to Game of Thrones obsessives: larding the show with stuff viewers want to see: nudity, at least for the first three seasons, dragon-fire porn the three after that, and all the reunions and loose-end tying-up, especially in Episode 6 which featured reunion after reunion.

Even as the series over seven seasons glacially moved along toward the battle between the living and the dead that finally occurred in Season 8, Episode 3, it managed to stay satisfying. Yes, it sped things up a little too fast at times, and yes it had characters in one kingdom one minute and another the next in ways that defied space and time even accounting for GOT physics, but theres never been a TV show that so elegantly weaved multiple story lines and gave you payoff after payoff along the way. Game of Thrones never once plodded along (except maybe the Arya in Braavos storyline-sorry).

S1: Ned built up to be main character...dies unexpectedly S2-3: Rob emerges as main character w/ perfect story coming together...dies unexpectedly Fans after these 2 events: Omg GOT is amazing b/c it can do that! Season 8: *does exact same thing* Fans: OMG THE WRITERS SUCK - Tyler Mantin (@CoachMantin) <a href="https://twitter.com/CoachMantin/status/1129472248186920960?ref_src=twsrc^tfw" id="8ffa0590-4747-31e7-ae51-a8b27e9cfba1"> May 17, 2019 </a>

You want length? Read the books and wait for the last volumes, which George R.R. Martin is suggesting hes still going to write, even though the show left the books behind seasons ago. You want a less dark Battle of Winterfell? Check <a href="https://www.dailydot.com/parsec/game-of-thrones-fans-brightening-battle-of-winterfell/" id="f5df97f9-ec8b-35df-a5bd-39980127109b"> this </a> out.

You want a remarkable show that uses zombies and dragons and evil queens and impossibly capable warriors to illuminate the darkness and light inside each of its viewers-even the ones who borrowed their moms HBO password? Then let the finale wash over you and then immediately start watching the series over again right after the finale.

Game of Thrones Season 8 is, Um, Actually Great?

Game of Thrones fan discourse -stuff thats normally only read by hardcore fans-has spilleth over from the fan sites to the mainstream, like so many soldiers of the Dead stepping over their own brethren to get into Winterfell. <a href="https://www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/a27371693/game-of-thrones-season-8-sucks/" id="6853204b-ee1d-3cb4-a32a-9856ebd97416"> Haters </a> are excoriating writers and producers of the show for whats gone down in Season 8-the plot holes, the too-quick resoluti...

The Only Problem with Hating on Season 8 is that Game of Thrones is a &$#%ing Miracle

Thing is, though, hes 75. As in seventy-five. As in LXXV. As in born in England during World War II. As in 35 when Adam Moves Like Jagger Levine was born. As in my pes anserine bursitis started acting up just looking at this vid.

<a href="https://t.co/nx5JFB2ZuJ" id="b872da89-5925-3411-a006-04181746c269"> pic.twitter.com/nx5JFB2ZuJ </a> - Mick Jagger (@MickJagger) <a href="https://twitter.com/MickJagger/status/1128631879844933632?ref_src=twsrc^tfw" id="33d1c412-1337-3535-a996-6226ebfbbf11"> May 15, 2019 </a>

His knees and hips shouldnt allow him to do that. This is a man who was in the hospital a few weeks for heart surgery, which resulted in a canceled tour.

Look, 75 isnt what it used to be. We know more about food and fitness now. 75 is the new 65. But the impressive thing here, and something we discuss more and more at Mens Health is how important it is to stay flexible over the course of your life.

Mens Health Fitness Director Ebenezer Samuel (whos favorite Rolling Stones song is Under My Thumb. Great choice, Eb!) had this to say about the video and about maintaining flexibility: The really special thing that you see in this Mick Jagger video is hip mobility, and general leg mobility overall. Most 75-year-olds-heck, most 50-year-olds-can't shift their hips that quickly and that naturally. But every guy should be striving for this level of lower-body flexibility because, in most people, their hips are among the first things to go. They get super-tight from all the sitting we do.

Jagger's showing off not only dance moves, but excellent ability to really extend at the hip (kettlebell swings and glute bridges people!) really strong knees and ankles overall. Those are qualities that serve him terrifically well on the stage-and in life overall.

An anonymous Mens Health intern weighed in: Who? (This isnt true. We dont even have interns.)

The upshot for fans: Jagger will be ready when they perform the following rescheduled dates on the Stones No Filter tour:

June 21 Chicago, IL @ Soldier Field June 25 Chicago, IL @ Soldier Field June 29 Ontario, Canada @ Burls Creek July 3 Washington, DC @ FedExField July 7 Foxboro, MA @ Gillette Stadium July 14 New Orleans, LA @ Mercedes-Benz Superdome (Tickets on sale May 31st at 10am local time) July 19 Jacksonville, FL @ TIAA Bank Field July 23 Philadelphia, PA @ Lincoln Financial Field July 27 Houston, TX @ NRG Stadium August 1 East Rutherford, NJ @ MetLife Stadium August 5 East Rutherford, NJ @ MetLife Stadium August 10 Denver, CO @ Broncos Stadium at Mile High August 14 Seattle, WA @ CenturyLink Field August 18 Santa Clara, CA @ Levis Stadium August 22 Pasadena, CA @ The Rose Bowl August 26 Glendale, AZ @ State Farm Stadium August 31 Miami, FL @ Hard Rock Stadium

Mick Jagger Literally Moves Like Jagger in New Vid

Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger posted a 22-second video of him in front of a rehearsal studio mirror being his most: grooving, gesticulating, peacocking, leg-spreading, lip-puckering, and generally wilding.

Mick Jagger’s Hips Aren’t Supposed to Be Able to Handle How He Dances in This Video

I think hed be a better president than our current president I think I said he was much more qualified and I believe he is. Turning to Kumail Nanjiani (The Big Sick, Silicon Valley), who co-stars with Bautista in the new buddy comedy Stuber, Bautista, said, I think I am. I think Kumail is.

This isnt the first time a Rock presidency has come up in the press. An entire <a href="https://www.gq.com/story/dwayne-johnson-for-president-cover" id="012e8a0b-497c-3d2c-a6cd-2b58b679ab31"> GQ profile </a> dealt with the question. And The Rock himself has done little to quash the speculation.

In an <a href="https://www.indiewire.com/2019/01/dwayne-johnson-president-2020-sundance-1202039519/" id="41ccb0f7-90e8-3b03-ada0-d224636d3454"> interview </a> with IndieWire earlier this year, he said: Im not ruling it out. Im not ruling out the idea if I could make a bigger impact somehow, or potentially surround myself with good people. He went on to say, I saw Kamala Harris speech the other day and thought it was good, he said. Just for me, I lack the experience, I lack a lot of things. Certainly not right now.

Now, if he were a politician, that kind of vague, non-committal statement would mean I AM ABSOLUTELY RUNNING FOR THE PRESIDENCY OF THE UNITED STATES.

So, lets run through a list of qualifications to see if he checks off all the required boxes.

Here are the only three qualifications the Constitution requires:

<h1> Natural born citizen of the United States? </h1>

Dwayne Douglas Johnson was born in Hayward, California.

Even his alter-ego The Rock has been a resident of the United States for more than 14 years.

Johnson was born on May 2, 1972 and is 47 years old.

And heres what presidential historian <a href="https://www.history.com/topics/doris-kearns-goodwin-on-presidential-leadership" id="d10dbf89-4b48-3274-a592-6edd8bea7f80"> Doris Kearns Goodwin </a> thinks you need:

<a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BtG2XyMhUhS/" id="a55b0bcf-da78-3b4e-a22e-589beff4f322"> View this post on Instagram </a> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BtG2XyMhUhS/" id="767f385c-8a1e-365e-a70e-02d9d96fd795"> Very cool &amp; inspiring moment on @nbctitangames with competitor @chrisruden. Thousands and thousands of positive comments about his post games interview here. Thank you @carichampion for beautifully articulating our sentiments and thank you Chris for competing and inspiring us all. #nolimitations TITAN GAMES THURS NIGHTS on @NBC. </a> A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/therock/" id="203ba761-5c90-3d9b-aca5-f5564a248fa0"> therock </a> (@therock) on Jan 26, 2019 at 10:03am PST

<a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bw95ppeHi2D/" id="06d1cefe-d44b-35cf-aafd-2ca485558998"> View this post on Instagram </a> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bw95ppeHi2D/" id="19b349e8-8230-3695-a65a-96099615c473"> Since todays my birthday - my annual birthday clang and bang workouts are always special. Labored in sweat, grit, spit, cuss words, laughs, loud music and some other sexy shit But its mainly labored in the most important thing of all ~ gratitude. Grateful to have these two hands to put in the hard work and take some more cracks at success as we go down this wild &amp; blessed road of life. #birthdayclangandbang #gratitude #cleanupyoursweatdammit </a> A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/therock/" id="203ba761-5c90-3d9b-aca5-f5564a248fa0"> therock </a> (@therock) on May 2, 2019 at 9:40am PDT

<a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BwxxEzKHsjJ/" id="0248c65f-977a-3027-a2c4-95831cb494ef"> View this post on Instagram </a> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BwxxEzKHsjJ/" id="83206a1c-4069-3243-a8dd-785837394eaf"> Its cool lady, @kevinhart4real tries to rub my pec meat the same way. Thanks to all the fans for waiting til I was done with my workout. Good to meet ya and see ya done the road. Best fans - and hands - in the world </a> A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/therock/" id="203ba761-5c90-3d9b-aca5-f5564a248fa0"> therock </a> (@therock) on Apr 27, 2019 at 4:44pm PDT

<a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BlOMfjIl2gb/" id="1bb7da99-e037-3eb3-a9ef-38d8862f3436"> View this post on Instagram </a> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BlOMfjIl2gb/" id="70534095-7587-3d8e-aa49-3c334f91a052"> Great to recharge the batteries this weekend, back home with all my girls and teaching this lil tornado how to swim. Took my shirt off and she said, Daddy I like it your brown boobies.. Thank you baby, but daddy has pecs, not boobies. #KickThoseLegs #UseThoseArms #MrBrownBoobs </a> A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/therock/" id="203ba761-5c90-3d9b-aca5-f5564a248fa0"> therock </a> (@therock) on Jul 14, 2018 at 11:16am PDT

Dave Bautista Says The Rock Could Be President

Guardians of the Galaxy and Avengers actor Dave Bautista <a href="https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/guardians-of-the-galaxy-actor-the-rock-is-more-qualified-to-be-president-than-trump" id="68e5bff1-980a-344b-af31-c4106d03a680"> was just asked </a> again if Dwayne Johnson would make a good president, and he doubled down on comments he made in 2017.

Dave Bautista Says The Rock Would Make a Better President Than Trump

Peter Mayhew was a kind and gentle man, possessed of great dignity and noble character, These aspects of his own personality, plus his wit and grace, he brought to Chewbacca, the Hans Solo actor said.

His familys own tribute possessed a similar sentiment.

The family of Peter Mayhew, with deep love and sadness, regrets to share the news that Peter has passed away. He left us the evening of April 30, 2019 with his family by his side in his North Texas home. <a href="https://t.co/YZ5VLyuK0u" id="64b05ebd-fe81-3d27-a690-5b76a46f64eb"> pic.twitter.com/YZ5VLyuK0u </a> - Peter Mayhew (@TheWookieeRoars) <a href="https://twitter.com/TheWookieeRoars/status/1124077256240967681?ref_src=twsrc^tfw" id="aaef1db3-9d72-39cf-ac36-b428d56f2593"> May 2, 2019 </a>

He put his heart and soul into the role of Chewbacca, and it showed in every frame of the films: from his knock kneed running firing his bowcaster from the hip, his bright, blue eyes, down to each subtle movement of his head and mouth, his family said.

For me, someone who was raised on the original Star Wars film trilogy, who considered Chewbacca a friend, hero, and killer 1980 Halloween costume, the lines that stand out from those memorials are about spirit and subtlety. At first, Chewbacca was merely a hybrid of classic film monster and comedy sidekick, but Mayhew made him complicated. In interviews about playing Chewbacca, Mayhew invariably talked about character. And he always cited The Empire Strikes Back as the movie where Chewbacca became more than a Friend of Solo and was transformed into not only a major character in the Star Wars story, but arguably the most human.

Hans and Luke and Leia and Vader were complex and fully realized characters, but Chewbacca was the man, possessed with the greatest virtues: kindness, loyalty, courage, modesty, pride, and personal style (Fibre paste? Brief blow-dry? You dont just roll out of a Rwookworro treehouse looking like that.)

Chewbacca was a big, tall, imposing figure who was also subtle, gentle, and nuanced. Somehow behind that heavy mask, Mayhew gave Chewbacca countenance.

Hans, Luke, Leia, and Vader were complex and fully realized characters, but Chewbacca was the man.

On the June 3, 2013 episode of the Masters of None podcast (no relation to the Aziz Ansari show), Peter Mayhew was asked an impossibly broad softball of a question: Theres a lot of memories, of course, but is there one thing that kind of stands out more than most?

Mayhew response was immediate and specific: I think its the expression when 3PO accuses me of cheating before R2, and 3PO comes and says, Oh, we better let the Wookie win, and I give a little roar like [Mayhew does the Chewbacca roar]. That will live in my mind for a long time.

Harrison Fords statement on the death of Chewbacca actor Peter Mayhew was about as elegant and moving as a memorial tribute can be:

Why Chewbacca Was the Most Human Character in Star Wars

Now, of course, you CGI up those characters so that they fall somewhere between naturalistic and totally fake. In a word: creepy. Sonic in the new Sonic the Hedgehog movie is the most recent character to suffer this <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uncanny_valley" id="064b634b-9ca6-3523-a9bd-1c9f377ef44e"> uncanny valley </a> fate. He has humanoid teeth, and people are creeped out.

Good morning to absolutely everyone and everything other than live action Sonic the Hedgehogs creepy human teeth xx <a href="https://t.co/yJX6WPW7Li" id="beb9d809-25de-39ca-a67c-781acf628df9"> pic.twitter.com/yJX6WPW7Li </a> - Alanah Pearce (@Charalanahzard) <a href="https://twitter.com/Charalanahzard/status/1123212309583675394?ref_src=twsrc^tfw" id="4a1e8f10-149f-330c-a772-05df25ae55fb"> April 30, 2019 </a>

Therapist: Sonic with human teeth isn't real, he can't hurt you Sonic with human teeth: <a href="https://t.co/hOBy6QFLVK" id="2a8b913b-2829-3221-ae30-9d146e461f6f"> pic.twitter.com/hOBy6QFLVK </a> - murphy, (@sunyshorecity) <a href="https://twitter.com/sunyshorecity/status/1123230890497208320?ref_src=twsrc^tfw" id="585d7b49-f79c-3e67-a3e2-999b80712072"> April 30, 2019 </a>

The legendary (and now <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6o2-4CdzLI" id="4da8aee6-dbf9-30b4-a3a8-6323f331c242"> weirdly toothy </a> ) hedgehog joins a long list of classic characters transformed into a robotic mess by the still-not-magical magic of CGI. Heres a rundown of the worst offenses-to our cinematic sensibilities and our childhood memories.

<h1> Papa Smurf in The Smurfs (2011) </h1>

Look, Papa Smurf was always basically an autocratic cult leader assigning immutable identities to a sycophantic population of white-uniformed lemmings. But the movie took his cheerily sinister vibe to disturbingly low heights.

<h1> The conductor in Polar Express (2004) </h1>

When the classic Chris Van Allsburg picture book was made into a movie, the rendering of Tom Hanks as a dead-eyed conductor got a ton of criticism. Its aged pretty well though, if only because it has such a primitive feel (which was intentional) that it feels like more of an illustration come to life than a human being that doesnt have full control over his smile muscles.

Look, it was 2002. It would be better now. But come on. Scooby looks like a ghost Great Dane, weirdly out of focus. The <a href="https://www.denofgeek.com/us/movies/animation/279621/new-scooby-doo-movie-cast-revealed" id="ad27a125-98f1-3426-a7ef-00af8ee0a19a"> next one </a> will likely be a lot more real-to the extent any CGI can be. (Note that this entry contains not one Ruh-roh! joke.)

<h1> The Rabbit in Alice in Wonderland (2010) </h1>

One problem with CGIing living beings is that sometimes the details get too right. The naturalistic eyes that white rabbits tend to have make it look it look like Alices rabbit has both pink eye and a hangover.

<h1> Pikachu in Detective Pikachu (2019) </h1>

<h1> Garfield in Garfield the Movie (2004) </h1>

Just look at this scene. Youve got an actual dog and a CGId cat. No suspension of disbelief is possible when you cant help but compare a CGI rendering of a quadrupedal domesticated pet with an actual quadrupedal domesticated pet.

<h1> Homer Simpson in Treehouse of Horror VI (1995) </h1>

Homer got the CGI treatment in the last scene of the annual Halloween episode.

Used to be, if you wanted to show an animated character in a live-action film, you just showed an animated character in a live-action film. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4I-v_OK_U7g" id="30069efd-fcd9-3a52-ac35-13d14280f91d"> Bugs Bunny and friends </a> in Space Jam. MC Skat Cat in Paula Abduls video for <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xweiQukBM_k" id="260f1cc1-53e7-31ca-aaec-8f2e6507dba9"> Opposites Attract </a> . (Skat Cat. What an actor.)

CGI Animation Turned These Legendary Characters Into Creepy Weirdos

The 20 Best Summer Cocktails for 2019

If you look right there, youll find what the Easter Daddy, I mean Bunny left you, commented The Rock on an Instagram post of him pointing to a candy-free green egg nestled in a rose plant.

<a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bwj4QdpnC02/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_medium=loading" id="8695d047-9b42-38d2-abab-29bf44abd46d"> View this post on Instagram </a> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bwj4QdpnC02/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_medium=loading" id="03ba5b2e-ab94-3ed9-a943-ad38c1958ceb"> If you look right there, youll find what the Easter Daddy, I mean Bunny left you. 100 eggs for Jazzy &amp; her cousins for their hunt - all filled with tiny toys. No candy when you come to the Rocks house - last thing I need is wrangling a bunch whacked out kiddos whove become candy crack heads on the sugar come down We had such a fun Easter with our ohana and hope you guys did too. Lets get back to work. </a> A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/therock/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_medium=loading" id="f51ebae9-f9d1-35eb-a879-9bed8c9f1db5"> therock </a> (@therock) on Apr 22, 2019 at 7:08am PDT

Longtime Dwayne Johnson followers will recognize the earnest expression on his face-its the same look he used when he said to a stadium full of people early in his career, The Rock has said it before, hes gonna say it again: When you live by the dirt, you die by the shovel.

One of the laws of Easter is: Joy, like chocolate, must at some point melt down. Most parents will trade glee on the front end for the pain and trauma of refined sugar withdrawal later on. Also: kids get, what, three cheat days a year? Halloween, Christmas, and Easter? Come on, Rock!

No, The Rock dont like candy. Even rock candy.

100 eggs for Jazzy &amp; her cousins for their hunt, The Titan Games host commented, All filled with tiny toys.

He added, effectively rubbing it in: No candy when you come to the Rocks house.

Within minutes of Johnson posting, fellow fit father Mark Walhberg liked the message, effectively rubbing it in even more.

As a father of two children for whom running after tiny plastic eggs filled with literal mystery inside of them is still a thrilling pursuit, the sugar come down is not any worse than the joy come down that occurs when it becomes clear to the kids that inside the eggs are toys, not candy. The question is never, Will things devolve? the question is When will things devolve? There are many paths to Easter hell.

Still, The Rocks efforts should be celebrated. (Even if sugar <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/nutrition/a26764557/is-sugar-addiction-real/" id="d36481dc-6165-3a15-abc1-4ad5f6fd98c2"> might not be all that bad </a> for you.)

Don't Expect Candy at The Rock's Easter Egg Hunt

Dwayne The Rock Johnson pulled off an Easter miracle-or tragedy depending on which side of 8 years old youre on-by holding an otherwise enjoyable Easter egg hunt in which there was no candy, according to his Instagram.

The Rock's Easter Egg Hunt Featured Zero Candy

But there is one reality competition show that's even more <a href="https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1mo3zy" id="2da8f2df-2819-33bf-a1e1-4cfb55a4d413"> entertaining </a> : The obstacle-course show Most Extreme Elimination Challenge, which aired on Spike TV from 2004 to 2007.

Although a few full episodes are available on <a href="https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1mlfrm" id="e2590ed5-9af5-3e38-ac55-7bd73a79c47b"> Daily Motion </a> , and you can pay to see it on Amazon Prime or iTunes, its now a pop-culture footnote. But in the aughts, you couldnt not watch it. Spike TV aired it all the time, with all-day marathons on the weekend. If you were anything like me-single, bored, and easily amused-youd watch in 10-hour stretches. My brother and I once had to turn it off because our faces hurt too much from laughing.

The show was created using repurposed footage from the 1980s Japanese obstacle-course show Takeshis Castle, which was then overdubbed with American-accented English. Despite the fact that the host and casts were Japanese, MXC was an incredibly American show. The premises were entirely re-imagined by the producers. The hosts, who wore samurais-in-Las-Vegas get-ups, were named Vic Romano and Kenny Blankenship. The field reporter was Guy Le Douche.

Two teams were established at the beginning of the show. It might be the Cable TV Workers versus White House Felons, for instance. Or Real Monsters vs Product Mascots. Players were given names like Lance Boil or Loretta Salzano or Rob Tussin. The jokes were stupid-and sexual and scatological-but the stupidity matched the sensibility of the original show so perfectly that it was somehow smart. And it was hilarious from start to finish. (The ABC show Wipeout, which aired from 2008 to 2014, was based on MXC, but it never achieved the outrageousness of either the original or MXC.)

The challenges always resulted in physical contortions and flailing. A contestant had to run up a corridor while Indiana Jones boulders rolled down and they could sneak into cubby holes but there were people in them who would try and push them in front of the boulder. Or a contestant would stand in the middle of a mud pit and try and catch a ball dropped from a crane. (This is more hilarious than it sounds.) The challenges always seemed way, way too <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jS2j97wEGY" id="fdee988a-6f37-31e9-a3dd-81ad417f78b2"> difficult </a> . And way too <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-Ab05WTG8M" id="51fab34e-a596-3c07-a8fd-67f2893881ec"> painful </a> .

The best part was: It was never clear what anyone was competing for. The show ended with an arbitrary score and a rundown of the 10 Eliminations of the Day. But its arbitrariness was the whole point: Every reality show that has ever existed-from The Real World to The Masked Singer-is just as random. The show existed to amuse you. No forced drama. All fun. Great show.

Look, Survivor is an American institution. It plumbs the depths of human misery to find the limits of human popularity to then find ratings, and it's found a lot of ratings. And Jeff Probst? Jeff Probst should be on Mt. Rushmore. Hes a pop culture icon and a jawline icon and the best reality competition show ho(b)st there ever was. The combination of great Probst, personal narratives, and physical competition has made Survivor consistently entertaining for 22 years.

Why MXC Was as Good as Survivor

Only issue is, he walks up behind female coworkers and women who visit the office, and, theres really no other way to put this He nuzzles them.

Yeah, nuzzles. And then sometimes kisses them and, every now and then, puts both his hands on their sides, sort of holding them in place. And then he places his chin on their shoulders and whispers things that only the women can hear. He does it a little with men, sure. And the occasional child. But he seems to be more affectionate with women. More handsy. More grabby. He touches them more.

So what do you say to Joe? Surely you say something, right? This behavior is a real liability. People have lost their jobs for less. Companies have paid out millions in damages for less.

You tell him to stop touching people. Youve told other people the same thing. Why would it be any different with this guy?

Those videos of the real Joe Biden putting his hands on women in the White House or in some other political setting? The stories recounted by Nevada Assemblywoman <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/31/us/politics/lucy-flores-biden-accuser.html" id="d3756304-71eb-3eee-a1fa-1c81a61d2c9b"> Lucy Flores </a> and Connecticut nonprofit worker <a href="https://www.courant.com/politics/hc-pol-biden-grabbed-aide-20190401-vl7chim3hrdjtcwu2tszrhozzm-story.html" id="3ecb1636-8984-3eec-a31e-03a7611cbfb4"> Amy Lappos </a> ? This all happened while he was at work. He was the vice president, but the vice presidency is a job. Was he simply providing support to <a href="https://www.politico.com/story/2019/03/31/joe-biden-stephanie-carter-1246007" id="d1dac5f0-8c49-32c8-a326-ca09aacb2341"> Stephanie Carter </a> when, during a workday in February of 2015, he put his hands on her shoulders when her husband Ashton was being named Secretary of Defense by President Obama and whispered in her ear? <a href="https://medium.com/@scarterdc/the-metoo-story-that-wasnt-me-6c1d5eb1e94d" id="ab321ec7-51f8-38c0-ab92-029480fd5c77"> She says he was </a> -and that as her friend he had every right to.

You dont need to touch people at work-employees, peers, counterparts, acquaintances-to share an important moment with them. Touching doesnt accentuate poignancy any more than a few well-chosen words do. Sure, this sort of thing went unnoticed in the 70s, 80s, and even 90s, or pretty much any time before 2016, but part of life for men in 2019 is the constant relearning were doing right now about the effect our actions-seemingly innocuous or all in good fun-have on women. Its not enough to say: Oh, thats just who he is. Hes old! He didnt mean anything! The message has been delivered and it keeps getting reiterated.

Whoopi Goldberg said on <a href="https://www.huffpost.com/entry/whoopi-goldberg-joe-biden-lucy-flores_n_5ca2311ce4b09786986a5384" id="95eaaf54-faed-39c8-ab2e-be06bd1fa8e6"> The View </a> yesterday, Joe is a hands-on kind of guy. She says she felt violated, and I have to take her at her word, but it would have been nice if she had turned to him and said Mr. Vice President, Im not really comfortable with that Because hes standing right there.

Also, she shouldnt have been touched.

Why You Should Never Touch Other People at Work

Imagine you work in the HR department, and in your company is one Joseph Biden. Joe, everybody calls him. Joe! Been at the company forever. Smart. You can talk to him about anything. Cranked off two doubles at the softball game Wednesday night. Good in a room.

Joe Biden Should Know Better: Don't Ever Touch Other People at Work

My friends were almost secretly watching it, too. How could they not? 90210 validated our angst, identified the same archetypes that existed in our own school, and provided Dylan McKay-the single coolest dude in the history of televised high school-to emulate. There he was, seated with his knees up, at the top of a Beverly Hills High staircase, alone but not lonely, as hes confronted by Jason Priestlys Brandon Walsh. The squint. The Chucks with no socks. The jeans with the tapered roll-up. The vocal fry. The physics-defying hair. Lord god that hair. Luke Perry.

I never thought of him as Dylan McKay. The character was, and to me still is, Luke Perry, a man who seemed to so totally embody coolness that the actor had to be the cool one. This Dylan McKay guy-he was just some slightly degraded reflection of Perry. Even his name was cooler than the characters.

28th Annual GLAAD Media Awards - Arrivals

I wouldnt have been able to articulate it then, but it seems clear now that I was into the show because it actually honored the teenage experience as deeply complex, much like the movie Breakfast Club had five years before. And the troubled Dylan McKay was the shows most complex character. He looked like a classic loner jerk, but he was always more interesting than that. And you get a preview of how the character would transform (and how his relationship with Jason Priestleys character would change) in that scene where they meet for the first time.

First, there was the worldliness (Walsh. Scotch or Irish?). Then the sarcasm (Shyeah, lets do lunch.) Then the moral compass (I just dont believe in winning through intimidation.) And there was the breezy action-taking (Come on. Field trip.). Perrys ability to balance nonchalance with stick-with-me-kid generosity (love, really) would ultimately define the character-and would define cool to a generation of secret 90210 watchers, like me. He was both cool guy and great friend. (And there is no better role model for a boy than that.)

Perry never won an Emmy for his work on Beverly Hills 90210, sure, but, for a 16-year-old kid, alone in more ways than one, he was a hero.

Why Luke Perry Was My Childhood Hero in the 90s

On October 11, 1990, when I saw Luke Perry first appear as the shrewd but cranky anti-hero Dylan McKay on Beverly Hills 90210, I was almost certainly in my bedroom with the door closed. The pilot the week before had hooked me instantly, but there was no way I was gonna let anyone know I was watching the show. Not my mom, not my dog, and definitely not my friends. It was vaguely soap opera-like, after all. It was dramatic and emotional. It was no show for a dramatic and emotional kid such as m...

Why Luke Perry Was My Childhood Hero

I receive these flasks, but I dont get these flasks. I mean, I get their ostensible purpose: the secreting of alcohol upon your person-usually when youre wearing a suit. The problem is: If youre secreting alcohol into anything other than a prison in the 1930s, then its probably not a less-than-appropriate scheme. If you find yourself in a situation that would be drastically improved by ingesting a few ounces of alcohol sloshing around in a container that makes you look like your pacemaker is trying to escape, then ask yourself: A. Should I have agreed to go to this event? B. Is booze really the answer? And C. Where is the nearest bar?

Also: Unless youre wearing a giant sack suit (which youre not), the flask creates an unsightly bulge on your chest. Or worse, youre carrying it in your thigh pocket, and then you have a bulge on your thigh and thats, well, Ill let our fashion editors address that one.

The flask requires way too much forethought. It also requires a funnel. And it requires a cynicism about the hours ahead. But the flask is only a symptom of a much larger problem: Men are really hard to buy gifts for. We are. Thats because we tend not to help.

So let me help. These are all better gift options for men than a flask:

A really <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/trending-news/a19538587/best-water-bottle-amazon-daily-deal/" id="14f687e3-cea5-3406-a05c-36072c8a1e62"> nice water bottle </a> Something that addresses an extremely specific interest youre sure he has. Is he into weightlifting? Gloves. Whittling? Knife. Postage stamps? Tweezers. Tweezers? Postage stamps. Anything on <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/trending-news/g19537784/whiskey-gifts-for-whiskey-lovers/?slide=16" id="5c828c64-c5d6-30c0-a356-8f23e2817599"> this </a> list (except the flask) Anything <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/style/g19532133/grooming-gifts/" id="476b0400-a7a3-3bd4-ad28-c1da8042627a"> involving shaving </a> I have never received a shaving-related gift I didnt love. Does it seem a little generic? Yeah, but for the non-bearded man, shaving is all chore and necessity. Anything that addresses that chore and makes it better or easier to do is welcome.

Really, though, men want the kind of gift that anyone wants: one that says, I spent 30 seconds to a minute thinking about you and then I spent a few more seconds thinking about your desires and enthusiasms and then I spent about three seconds thinking about the amount of money I wanted to spend on you, which is somewhere between $25 and $40, and then I spent approximately 10 seconds Amazon Prime-ing it.

Please Stop Giving Liquor Flasks as Gifts

There are more flasks in my home than bottles of alcohol. I have big flasks and small flasks. Flasks with my initials engraved on them. Plastic flasks. Wooden flasks. Shiny flasks. A flask featuring an embossed wolf. My home is teeming with flasks because, well, part of my duties as a magazine editor involve covering the goings-on of the liquor industry, sure, but also: Its the go-to gift for men you dont know very well. (Hes a man, isnt he? Get him a flask!) And let me tell you: My life is f...

Flasks Are a Stupid Gift and You Should Stop Giving Them to People

But its different than all the rest of his books because it acknowledges an underrated but crucial truth about cooking: The most important part of cooking is not an ingredient or even the meal itself, its the people youre cooking for.

Which is tricky because the people youre cooking for-yourself included-can be a huge pain in the ass. This book solves for that. Each of the meal types in the book involve three different recipes: one rich enough and impressive enough for company, one thats vegan, and one thats simply easy.

Trouble is, the people you\'re cooking for can be a huge pain in the ass.

In the Southern Fried category, theres Crisp and Tangy Chicken Tenders (easy), Nashville Hot Okra Cakes (vegan), and Fried Chicken with Waffles and Peach Butter (company). In the Burgers category, theres the easy Secret Ingredient Stovetop Burgers for company (the rare time a secret ingredient, anchovies, should indeed stay secret. Make them with the recipe below), Beet and Lentil Burgers (vegan), and Ultimate Cheeseburger with Tomato Chutney (for company partly because you went to the trouble of actually making your own sort of ketchup).

Im a little biased, admittedly. As a magazine editor, Ive worked with Bittman a little, but I can objectively say this is the only cookbook Ive used that addressed the question I want answered the most when Im begin the often-super-long process of making a meal (committing to meal, shopping, making, serving, eating): Can you just tell me what to make for these people?! This glossier-than-usual Bittman book (his publisher seems to be going all-in right now-three major Bittman cookbooks in the last three years), answers that question in exactly 300 different ways.

So, if you want to solve for human nature during cooking, do the following:

<ol><li> Buy this book. Start with our favorite recipe so far, below. </li><li> Until then, have some homemade <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/nutrition/a19536857/how-to-make-homemade-pizza/">pizza dough</a> in the fridge. Everyone loves pizza. And everyone is impressed by it. Your friends. Your kids. Grandma. Italian grandma. Everyone. Its easy. Also, its vegan. And if you throw a handful of arugula on top, itll work for company. </li><li> When all hope (and time) is lost: rotisserie chicken. </li></ol>

<h1> Mark Bittman's Secret-Ingredient Stovetop Burgers </h1>

There are three important and counterintuitive tips hidden in this recipe. The first: Barely handle the ground beef when youre forming it into patties. It will get tough otherwise. The second: The stovetop beats the grill for burgers. Its true! More surface area means more char, which means more flavor. Three: Anchovies do the same thing for a burger as they do for Caesar salad dressing. Loads of umami flavor. -R.M.

Makes: 4 servings Time: 20 minutes

<ul><li> 4 oil-packed anchovies, or to taste </li><li> 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce </li><li> 1 pounds good-quality, not-too-lean ground beef (no more than 90%) </li><li> Salt and pepper </li><li> 4 kaiser rolls or other large rolls, split </li><li> 2 tablespoons olive oil </li><li> Condiments </li></ul>

<ol><li> Turn on the broiler and position the rack 4 inches below it. Put the anchovies and Worcestershire sauce in a large bowl and mash with a fork until well blended. Add the beef to the bowl and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Use your hands to mix until just combined. To taste and adjust the seasoning, cook a small pinch of the meat in a pan or microwave. </li><li> With a light touch, shape the mixture into 4 burgers, about 1 inch thick. (You can make then ahead and refrigerate them, tightly covered up to a few hours, bring back to room temperature before cooking.) </li><li> Put the hamburger buns cut side up on a baking sheet and, watching closely, broil until they are lightly toasted, just a few minutes. </li><li> Put a large skillet over medium-high heat until smoking hot. Add the burgers and drizzle with the olive oil. Cook the burgers until they release easily, about 4 minutes per side for medium-rare, and a minute more per side for each increasing stage of doneness, 5 for medium, and 6 for well done. Turn and repeat on the other side, checking frequently by peeking inside so you can remove them the second theyre ready. Immediately transfer them to the buns to capture the juices. Serve with condiments you like. </li></ol>

Reprinted from <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Dinner-Everyone-Ways-Easy-Perfect-Company/dp/0385344767/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=dinner+for+everyone&amp;qid=1550859527&amp;s=gateway&amp;sr=8-1" id="2e6117a9-c3af-36d1-ac1a-cc2ff8e1c064"> Dinner For Everyone </a> . Copyright 2019 by Mark Bittman. Photographs copyright 2019 by Aya Brackett. Published by Clarkson Potter, an imprint of Penguin Random House, LLC.

In a way, Mark Bittmans new cookbook <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Dinner-Everyone-Ways-Easy-Perfect-Company/dp/0385344767/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=dinner+for+everyone&amp;qid=1550859527&amp;s=gateway&amp;sr=8-1" id="f3398338-6fba-3ff2-a761-b121637a87e5"> Dinner for Everyone </a> is as Bittmanian (bit-MAIN-ee-un) as any of the dozens of wildly popular books hes written over the last 20 years or so, including How to Cook Everything, which transformed how people thought about cooking because it m...

Mark Bittman's New Cookbook Is the Solution to All Your Dinner Problems

We may be reaching Peak Enthusiasm.

The words we use go through inflationary trends, says Gretchen McCulloch an Internet Linguist who blogs at <a href="https://allthingslinguistic.com/" id="379aae91-7bbc-392b-a3a5-c7361454f8d6"> All Things Linguistics </a> . For example, hyperbolic adjectives like awesome, great, wonderful-these gradually undergo inflationary trends. So, great used to be really good, or amazing. There was Alfred the Great, Catherine the Great, Alexander the Great. Now if you say great to someone it's barely a cut of good.

Even numbers are getting pulled into the hyperbolic vortex. Theres a burgeoning form of exaggeration that we use on the Internet and IRL: the percentages we cite when were expressing affirmation. 100 percent is no longer enough. 1,000 percent is where you want to be.

Were spewing out high percentages without the enthusiasm to back it up!

In 2017, President Trump told CIA staffers he was <a href="https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/president-trump-tells-cia-1000-percent/story?id=44951033" id="6fcbef77-63c3-31f3-aba2-8dbc5f7b3810"> 1,000 percent with </a> them. Last year, Alec Baldwin said he would <a href="https://www.msn.com/en-us/tv/celebrity/alec-baldwin-id-1000-percent-win-if-i-ran-against-trump/ar-AAywcZl" id="b3ab7617-fe61-3685-a18a-101e2ef77c46"> 1,000 percent win </a> against Trump in the 2020 election. ESPNs Steven A. Smith said that former L.A. Clippers game analyst Bruce Bowen was <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6o4Ki-rWQLQ" id="3416f262-cef5-3536-aca9-8d19fd9af40a"> 1,000 percent right </a> to criticize Spurs forward Kawhi Leonard. A source told People magazine that Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively are <a href="https://people.com/movies/ryan-reynolds-blake-lively-are-1000-percent-solid-says-source-as-actor-jokes-about-me-time/" id="27a7ed4a-5ee4-35b2-af36-0df70cc21f81"> 1,000 percent solid. </a>

How did we get here? In the middle part of the 20th century, the highest possible percentage enthusiasm was 110 percent, but that was strictly reserved for how much effort you were willing to expend on a task-especially if you were a Lombardi-era Green Bay Packer.

Maximum affirmation percentage (MAP) remained stable through the latter half of the last century and even declined slightly to 100 percent between 2010 and 2014. In 2013, if you asked the dude in the cube next to you, Should we go to get a salad? Following the rules of statistics, he probably replied, 100 percent. Which meant that going to get a salad was a fully good idea with zero downside.

But then we started ticking up. By the spring of 2016, maximum affirmation percentage had risen to 1,000 percent.

Hey, man, is Sweetgreens spicy cashew dressing better than the lime cilantro jalapeno vinaigrette?

Affirmation inflation (AI) quickly pushed the MAP to 10,000 percent last year. Its now at 100,000 percent and threatening to rise further. Someone I was emailing with said she 100,000% agreed with me about a minor point. I fear AI may soon mean were seeing a MAP of 1 million percent. Or even 1 billion.

One of the problems with hyperbole is that it wears out the more you use it.\"

Percentages are on a hyperbolic treadmill, says McCulloch. One of the problems with hyperbole is that it wears out the more you use it. The first time you reach for a new word to hyperbolize, it's really vivid and exciting. The first time someone says, 1000 percent, it's like, Wow, that sounds really exciting, but then it loses its excitement because we've used it so much.

And then it moves down the treadmill and we bump up the hyperbole. Were spewing out high percentages without the enthusiasm to back it up! This could lead to a feeling shortage, which could cause numbness and general ennui. We have an affirmation deficit, and we must begin the difficult process of devaluing our affirmations.

Linguists as a whole are very aware that language changes and has always changed. It's people who are self-appointed guardians of the language with no verifications, only a sense of self-importance, who say Oh, this is bad.

(I thought we were a team here, Gretchen.)

Youll probably just end up with fake exaggerated numerals, like a gazillion percent or a bazillion percent. Often what happens in that case is gazillion percent becomes tired, and people go back to the original one as a vintage use. Sometimes people will stop using this particular domain of metaphor entirely for a while and rediscover it, fresh again. It depends.

(Youre being too measured and reasonable, Gretch!)

You know who the real victims are? Our children and grandchildren. Do you want them to live in a world where they must express sexdecillion to octodecillion percentage agreement and enthusiasm about enjoying a marginal song or favoring a toothless political position?

Anyway, as tempting as it is to reset all at once, such a drastic move could destabilize our affirmation economy. So lets all agree to cap our enthusiasm at a healthy 500 percent. Well monitor the situation, reserving the right to further downgrade percentages as needed.

I am 1 f--ktillion percent serious.

Is it Even Possible to be "1,000%" Excited?

Internet hyperbole is <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/29/fashion/death-by-internet-hyperbole-literally-dying-over-this-column.html" id="e0619ee7-9601-3893-af22-24d9f38c6db4"> nothing new </a> . We say were rolling on the floor laughing when were barely smiling. We use exclamation points like theyre worth nothing!!!!!!! We say were dying. DYING! That video where the <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/donthelpjustfilm/comments/ayp92h/hamster_spins_her_kids/" id="15d9a52e-e3f6-36c8-ae17...

Everyone’s Use of Percentages is 1,000% Out of Control

Its not that I dont want to meet up. I do. And we have things to discuss. But my excitement for meeting up is always dwarfed by the excitement I feel when we dont.

But . . . why the JOBCO ( joy of being canceled on)? Do I have undiagnosed social anxiety and feel relieved that I dont have to perform? (I dont think so.) Do I just have JOMO, the joy of missing out? (Nah, I actually want the appointment to happen.) Or has my brain become so accustomed to my being overscheduled that its engaged in a stress response, as Duke University neuroscientist and Mens Health Advisory Board member P. Murali Doraiswamy, M.D., suggested to me? Too many meetings can worsen time pressure and push the brain into a state of learned helplessness, especially if we are on the receiving end of work. Or perhaps Im actually angry. According to psychiatrist Drew Ramsey, M.D., also an MH advisor, the relief may mask the hostility and resentment I feel because all the time I spent preparing for the meeting has been disrespected. Youve been prepping for the last few days in your mind, right? And now it doesnt matter. And if youre dealing with a chronic canceler, neither do you.

Maybe? Even so, it wouldnt offend me, because relief is all I feela minor ecstasy. Which is why I dont feel so bad about canceling on other people. I figure Im giving them a gift. Even if Im canceling five times in two months, like I did with food and restaurant publicist Jesse Gerstein, whom Ive known for more than ten years. Jesses one of my favorite people. He never seems like hes selling me anything. And he asks me to lunch (always at one of the amazing restaurants he represents: il Buco, the Modern, Sfoglina) without any clear agenda. Jesse has asked me to lunch even when Ive been between jobs. He spent one lunch trying to figure out what my next job should be. (Hes a solid guy whom no one should ever cancel on.)

Recently, Jesse asked me to dinner. We settled on a date, and then a couple of days before, I had to cancel. It was fine, Jesse said. When I canceled again (this time for lunch), he said that was fine, too. When I canceled for a fifth time, he said it was fine!

Id be lying if I said I never feel relieved when somebody cancels, Jesse told me. But it depends on when people cancel, and it depends on what theyre canceling for. I go out a lot, so the chance to be home with my kids and on my couch eating takeout Chinese is not always a bad thing.

What did he think when I kept canceling?

Were the most overplanned, overstretched, overcommitted society. Sometimes people just want a night off, and its nothing personal. I just want to get something back on the books.

The books. Ive always hated the books. The relationship schedules. The calendars of interaction. The books keep trying to organize and order my friendshipsboth personal and professional. When someone cancels, things get disordered back to a more natural state, marked by flexibility and nimbleness. Freedom! And victory. It feels like I scored a last-second goal. And the books lose.

My interview with Jesse about this whole thing never made it to the books. It happened because I sent him a text asking if he had some time to meet up this week. His response was efficient, elegant, and honest: Now?

We did it live. We met up at a bar right then and had a great chat. It was organic and human. And productive. Were overscheduled and overplanned, and were looking for more time, and were looking for it now. Doesnt matter if were getting out of something or getting into something. The relief might be that we get to experience right now in an immediate way.

To all the people whove ever canceled on me at the last minute . . . thank you from the bottom of my soul. Weve had a lunch on the books for weeks and you email me an hour before and say, Hey, Im really sorry, but . . .? Well, Im spinning around in my office chair pumping my fists in triumph. You tell me you have a family emergency and you cant have a drink tonight after all? Theres a 20 percent chance youre making it up, but I dont care. Thank you, thank you, thank you for such sweet relief.

Ross McCammon

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Ross McCammon

Articles written by the author

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Everyone’s Use of Percentages is 1,000% Out of Control

I Love When Friends Bail on Me. Here's Why.

Why Being a 'Manly' Dad Can Be So Bad for Your Kids