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Dear Pulse,
I’ve been with my partner for over a year and, in many ways, our relationship feels stable. He’s kind, caring, and supportive. But when it comes to intimacy, I feel something is missing.
We hardly have sex. Some weeks, he barely touches me at all. Yet I know he watches porn almost every day. Sometimes I notice it on his phone, or he’ll casually mention it. At first, I didn’t think much of it. But lately, I can’t shake the feeling that he would rather turn to porn than to me.
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When I try to talk to him, he brushes it off, saying he’s tired or that I’m overthinking. But it makes me feel invisible, even rejected. I can’t help wondering: is this just a normal habit, or a warning sign that there’s something wrong in our relationship?
I don’t want to nag, but I also don’t want to ignore the feeling that I’m not truly desired by the person I love. So, am I being insecure, or should I genuinely be concerned?
-Gertrude
Hi Gertrude,
Thank you for sharing your frustrations with us.
It’s understandable that you feel hurt — anyone would if their partner turned to porn more than to them. Porn itself isn’t always the problem, but the lack of intimacy between you two clearly is. You deserve to feel wanted and secure.
Try speaking to him again, not about porn, but about how you’re feeling: unseen, rejected, and longing for closeness. If he cares, he’ll listen and work with you to fix it. But if he keeps brushing it off, then the real concern isn’t porn — it’s that your needs in the relationship aren’t being respected.
-Pulse