Lindsay Geller

<p>You need to do a lil work to get to the bottom of them, because every dream comes with a personal, unconscious meaning that reflects your specific experiences, says Rubin Naiman, PhD, a clinical assistant professor of medicine and dream specialist at the University of Arizona. A steamy dream with a past flame, for example, could mean a different thing to you than to your friendit all depends on the associations you have with that lost love or that particular period in your life. Was he the one that got away? Or was it more of a byeeeee, see ya never situation?</p>

<p>Its a lot to consider before your morning coffee, but theres a method to understanding the madness. To interpret your dreams, you need to think through what all the main elementspeople, places, thingsmight symbolize for you, says Deirdre Barrett, PhD, an assistant professor of psychology at Harvard University and author of The Committee of Sleep. Her go-to technique: Pretend youre talking to someone from another planet (yes, really), and describe everything that happenedwho, what, where, howas if they dont know anything. In your description, youll often find language thats kind of metaphorical, says Barrett. Were you in tumultuous waters? A dark room? A position of power? A sex dream isnt always about sex, FYI. Consider this your guide to decoding *those* kinds of dreams.</p>

<p>Dreaming is healing, Naiman says. Its kind of a digestive processtaking difficult experiences, like a breakup, and spelling them out to provide understanding. Maybe everything was going great in the dream until he said something condescending. Hmmdidnt he do that a lot when you were dating? Oh yeah, next. Consider this dream a way to get closure.</p>

<p>Dont send an I miss you text. Sure, your subconscious might be nudging you to get back togetheror this could be yet another form of closure. Depending on your experiences with the ex in question, the dream could also be about qualities youd like to see more (or less) of in yourself; our significant others have a way of highlighting certain aspects of our own personalities. Did your college ex make you feel spontaneous and fun, and now youre a more cautious ~adult~ with real responsibilities? This might be a push to find that part of younot himagain.</p>

<p>You haven't seen the dude in decades...what gives?! Much like how your college ex might remind you of a more fun time in your life, a young crush might make you think of a simple, more innocent period. Remember: Dreams are more often about you, then the other person.</p>

<p><strong> A Maybe-More Friend </strong></p>

<p>Its possible you picked up on some vibes without realizing it, Barrett says. "It might be the first time the impulse has consciously registered with you, says Barrett. </p>

<p><strong> A Platonic Friend </strong></p>

<p>You love your best bud, natch, but you never thought about making love untilwell, you did. Now, this doesnt necessarily mean you wanna add some bennies to your friendship during waking hours. If you know you want to keep things purely platonic, then its back to question time: What is this friend like, and how do they differ from acquaintances? What do you like most about this particular pal?</p>

<p>Listing their characteristics might help you unlock a desire to emulate their habits, Barrett says. And how was the sex? Did it feel intimate and comforting? You could be craving that same kind of closeness and itching for someone you can be vulnerableemotionally naked, if you willin front of.</p>

<p>The power dynamics differ when youre having dream sex with your cubicle mate vs. the head honcho, but hey, you dont need to worry about HR either way (phew!). While you could be harboring a secret attraction to the person you spend countless hours collaborating with, its just as likely you admire their work ethic, ideas, or problem solving, says Barrett.</p>

<p><strong> Your Boss (Yikes!) </strong></p>

<p>You could be drawn to their power and want to bring more confidence into your professional life, says Naiman. A sign to take that management course youve been eyeing?</p>

<p>Let yourself off the hook: Dream cheating isn't the same as regular cheating. (Phew.) But it could mean you feel guilty about something. In my research and experience helping my clients understand their cheating dreams, I have found the main reason you cheat in your dreams is becausedeep downyou have guilt or concern about something youre doing that is taking away from the time you should be putting into the relationship, <a href="https://www.lauriloewenberg.com/" id="03ecfb4d-fddc-337a-a6f1-33be1c643406">  Lauri Loewenberg </a> , certified dream analyst, told WH in <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a22738831/dreams-about-cheating/" id="bcf68b8d-8881-3353-a9c7-d2f74a747b44">  Your Dreams About Cheating Could Mean A Few Different Things </a> . Are you holding back from your partner in some other way?</p>

<p><strong> A Romantic New City </strong></p>

<p>New places could have many meanings, so it's important to think about your associations with the place. Is it where you had your honeymoon? A place you've always wanted to go? If youre in Paris, the capital of romance, its possible youre craving something special from your partner. </p>

<p>Again, the same city could mean different things depending on the dream. Were you wandering around Paris lost and unable to speak the language. Hmmm, is there something you cant talk to your love about?</p>

<p>Your dream features the usual suspects (your S.O., your crush), but somewhere that would be totally normal in any other situation except sex (a stairwell, a mattress store, a public park). Could this be a sign you need to shake things up a little? Sure could.</p>

<p>If a public place means you need to shake things up a little, a weird spotsee: the moonmight signal that it's time to shake things up a lot. Try one of these super hot <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/a19943165/sex-positions-guide/" id="d7e3516f-d0cc-33ae-a163-c0000910e4a0">  sex positions </a> !</p>

<p>So, the hottie in your dream wasnt the male trainer you follow on Insta but the female one (or vice versa). Is this a sign youve been playing for the wrong side all along? Probs not. Dreams dont smack you over the head like that, says Naiman. You might just want to try something new, says Barrett.</p>

<p>To dig deeper, you need to determine the thoughts you have around same-sex ships. Do you come from a family that isnt accepting? Do you feel theyre rejecting you for some reason? Or do you have two coupled-up friends and admire how they support each other? You may be craving a similarly close female connectionclothes on.</p>

<p>Well, there are lots of celebs out there. What are the associations you have with the person in your sex dream? By thinking of what they represent to you, you'll have an easier time analyzing the dream. </p>

<p>"Describe their characteristics, and see if any reflect something you want more or less of in yourself," Barrett says. "But also, lots of people have the hots for celebrities. So it may be more straightforward. Fair enough.</p>

<p>"Humans have so many anxieties about sex," Barrett says, noting that people often have shame about their preferences and insecurities about their attractiveness. "Our anxieties can come bubbling up in dreams." Did a family member walk in on you? It could signify that you have some more deep-rooted hang-ups.</p>

<p>Not exactly a sex dream, but we all know how the birds and bees work.</p>

<p>Pregnancy can be a metaphor for other kinds of creativity, Barrett told WH in <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/health/a28260716/dreams-about-being-pregnant/" id="b3659514-ef09-373b-a3d0-74d11ebde4f0">  This Is Why You Keep Having Dreams About Being Pregnant </a> . Babies can represent the new: new endeavors, new relationships. Or, they can represent the vulnerable or immature part of the dreamer.</p>

<p>This article appears in the July/August 2020 issue of Womens Health, available Tuesday, July 7.</p>

What It *Really* Means If You Dream About Your Ex

You know how Hollywood sex dreams always come with some kind of duh! epiphany for the characters having them? (Lookin at you, Kat fromThe Bold Type.) Hate to be a buzzkill, but those kind of lightbulb moments dont just present themselves at the foot of your bed IRL.

This Is What Your Sex Dreams *Really* Mean

<p>Last May, Ava DuVernay shed new light on the 30-year-old case of the <a id="78006b8d-96fb-3dec-aa01-f092805aea97" href="http://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/a27679359/central-park-five-prison-how-long-netflix-when-they-see-us/">  Central Park Five </a> with her Netflix miniseries, When They See Us. The scripted series is based on the true story of the "Central Park Five," a group of five teenagers wrongly accused and convicted of a crime they didn't commit. Now, they're known as the "Exonerated Five," since the real assailant was found in 2002.</p>

<p>Over the past two weeks, the miniseries has become one of Netflix's <a id="17bff8ed-a531-3afd-a561-ef4d56d71479" href="https://www.indiewire.com/2020/06/dear-white-people-when-they-see-us-viewership-increases-1202235548/">  most-watched shows </a> , won a <a id="ae097f7f-14e8-3ee7-a696-3c3bf2ce41f8" href="https://deadline.com/2020/06/peabody-awards-winners-2020-list-tv-1202955321/">  Peabody award </a> , and celebrated its one-year anniversary.</p>

<p>But before that, DuVernay's production company, Array Now, launched <a id="b1d34080-1d2a-31ba-aca7-d97620cdaf0d" href="https://www.array101.org/">  Array 101 </a> , an educational resource for viewers of When They See Us, to help understand the historical context and work through their emotional responses to it. "So many people came up to me and were like, 'I cried' and 'I couldnt finish it,'" the director told Gayle King when discussing Array 101. "I think what I failed to do and many people in Hollywood failed to do and other people failed to do was connect the dots between the thing you make and the people who are watching it, particularly young people."</p>

<p>The show is an emotional one, because the case was a highly-publicized example of how <a id="b261c2ec-787a-399e-a7f0-8073badd9bab" href="http://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/a32758459/viola-davis-system-racism-instagram-video/">  systemic racism </a> and <a id="c35c1b8e-f391-32f8-a3e0-ff5c4a8de4c6" href="http://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/a32745827/implicit-bias-video-peanut-butter-jelly/">  implicit bias </a> led to the boys' wrongful conviction and incarcerationwhich happens with startling frequency. ( <a id="0a897a54-9741-33f3-a94e-cd2e3f9fca33" href="https://www.innocenceproject.org/">  The Innocence Project </a> exists for this very reason.)</p>

<p>DuVernay signed on to direct the film after connecting with Raymond Santana, one of the Exonerated Five, over Twitter. "I was familiar with the story from growing up, but also Id watched the Sarah Burns documentary [about it]. In his DMs, I said, 'No one has your story?' And he said, 'No,'" DuVernay told Rolling Stone. "I was just fascinated by the case, not really thinking Id ever make a film. But once I met him and then gradually met all of the other men, I felt like I had to make it."</p>

<p>Before you tune in to the show, here's everything you need to know about the real Central Park Five: </p>

<h1> Who are the Central Park Five? </h1>

<p>In 1989, Antron McCray, Kevin Richardson, Yusef Salaam, Raymond Santana Jr., and Korey Wise (who later changed his name to Kharey) were in Central Park on April 19the night a <a id="f1991e4a-d8cd-3a5b-a48e-94f9c5f7f7b0" href="http://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/a27704450/central-park-five-victim-trisha-meili-when-they-see-us-netflix/">  white female jogger, Trisha Meili </a> , was raped and severely beaten. All five were Black or Latinx teenagers from Harlem between the ages of 14 and 16.</p>

<h1> What happened to the Central Park Five?  </h1>

<p>Simply put, they were wrongly accusedand convictedof raping and beating Meili, then a 28-year-old investment banker who fell into a coma after the attack. When she woke up, she had no memory of the sexual assault. By that time, prosecutors had already interrogated McCray, Richardson, Salaam, Santana Jr., and Wise, and coerced false confessions from four of the five teenagers, according to the Exonerated Five's lawyers. </p>

<p>The last teenager, Yusef Salaam, might have confessed, too, if his mother had not interrupted the interrogation before he could sign a formal statement, <a id="daf47a68-3664-3030-ae4e-90042b55e2d9" href="https://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/18/opinion/why-trump-doubled-down-on-the-central-park-five.html">  The New York Times </a> reported. Still, the court allowed a detective to testify that Salaam had confessed to taking part in the attack.</p>

<h1> Why did the Central Park Five confess to a crime they didn't commit?  </h1>

<p>It happensa lot, actually. According to the <a id="0b1bb736-95bf-3850-ae38-64f4e6701cdf" href="https://www.innocenceproject.org/dna-exonerations-in-the-united-states/">  Innocence Project </a> , 28 percent of wrongful conviction cases that are exonerated using DNA evidence in the U.S. involve false confessions. That percentage jumps to 33 percent when the false confessors are 18 years old or younger at the time of arrest. (Btw, the Innocence Project helped the Central Park Five get exonerated.)</p>

<p>According to The New York Times, the teenagers were interrogated for hours on end, with no lawyers present and often without the presence of a parent or guardian, either. The publication also reported that "they were denied food, drink, and sleep over many hours." </p>

<p>The young men were all led to believe that they only had one way outtelling the police what they wanted to hear. So McCray, Richardson, Santana Jr., and Wise all gave statements admitting to being present at the attack, but blaming others for the sexual assault. They believed saying this would not incriminate them (it did).</p>

<p>Watch the When They See Us cast talk about their real-life counterparts:</p>

<p>As for Meili, she doesn't believe that the prosecutors did anything wrong in their initial interrogation and conviction of the Central Park Five. "When that lawsuit was settled, it gave some the impression that the detectives and the prosecutors had acted improperly, and Id like to see it be acknowledged that there wasnt a violation of [the teens'] civil rights," she told the <a id="d0159fff-d57e-3c06-adfd-e66cde362698" href="https://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/ny-metro-central-park-jogger-interview-20180712-story.html">  New York Daily News </a> in 2018.</p>

<p>"I so wish the case hadn't been settled," Meili also told <a id="8a45ec66-4e5f-31c7-a221-2b229c701688" href="https://abcnews.go.com/US/case-settled-1989-central-park-jogger-believes-person/story?id=63077131">  ABC News' 20/20 </a> in January 2019. "I wish that it had gone to court because there's a lot of information that's now being released that I'm seeing for the first time. I support the work of law enforcement and prosecutors. ... They treated me with such dignity and respect."</p>

<h1> Where are the Central Park Five now? </h1>

<p>Salaam is now married and lives in another state with his wife and their 10 children (a blended family), The Root reported in 2018. Meanwhile, Santana Jr. lives in Atlanta with his daughter and works as a fashion designer, which often brings him back to New York. </p>

<p>Richardson, along with Salaam and Santana Jr., attended their former high school, Bronx Preparatory High School's, 2017 commencement to receive honorary diplomas, per <a id="42345bc4-0719-3b60-af45-c8c84dfeef6d" href="https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/26/nyregion/central-park-jogger-case-honorary-diplomas.html">  The New York Times </a> . "When we went to prison, this was taken away from us," Santana said at the time. "It was something we never got to experience. You felt like you were being robbed, and weve finally found redemption."</p>

<p>Little to nothing is publicly known about the current whereabouts of McCray and Wise (though they both did receive their honorary diplomas by mail). According to a <a id="d713db49-a116-3b45-a2ee-f2f2822c2451" href="https://www.blackpressusa.com/the-one-central-park-fives-korey-wise/">  2013 interview </a> with Wise, he currently lives in the Bronx and speaks on behalf of the Innocence Project at events.</p>

The True Story Of The "Central Park Five"

Who Are The 'Central Park Five' From Netflix’s Miniseries 'When They See Us'?

<p>Stuck in what she now, as author of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Zero-Debt-Ultimate-Financial-Freedom/dp/1932450807" id="d3c517ab-1b97-30c8-ac3f-b03674ba8e60">  Zero Debt: The Ultimate Guide to Financial Freedom </a> , calls the minimum payment trap, Khalfani-Cox never missed monthly bills but didnt put a dent in her debt either. Creditors loved me because I was carrying a balance each month, so they were making a profit.</p>

<p>What she was also carrying: buckets of anxiety and relationship strain. I constantly worried that my card would get declined, and my now-ex and I argued more about spending than anything else.</p>

<p>Of course, Khalfani-Cox is far from alone, especially now that 22 million Americans (at press time) find themselves unemployed due to coronavirus-related cuts. The average credit card balance is already nearly $6,200, and the typical college grad has $32,731 in student loans, with women owing more than men. Whats more, over 137 million Americans carry medical debt, a health crisis all its own. Being in the red is associated with higher perceived stress and depression, higher blood pressure, and worse overall wellness, per a Social Science &amp; Medicine study. Thats because a hefty balance can feel like a kettlebell you just cant swing, and with no rest day in sight thanks to a crappy economy, the lift feels extra heavy.</p>

86 percent of millennials carry some form of debt, and 40 of american students leave college with loans womp

<p>While *a lot* is out of your hands RN (layoffs, a pandemic), taking control of what you can is key to not just getting your finances in order but easing that I cant do this worry. Ahead, the baby steps that pay off big. </p>

<h1> 1. Figure out exactly how debt you have. </h1>

<p>To start, you need to record every single penny you owe. You cannot make progress if you refuse to see where you stand financially, Khalfani-Cox says. Create a doc that lists your balances, interest rates, cost of necessities (food, rent), minimum payments, expected bonusesyou get the idea. Taking a step in the right direction can also instill a sense of control and peace, says Elena Welsh, PhD, a clinical psychologist. Its strangely relaxing, seeing the numbers go dowwwn as you chip away at your balance and update the doc. Youve got this.</p>

<h1>  2. Celebrate even baby steps forward.  </h1>

<p>Many money experts recommend tackling high-interest cards/loans first, but paying off smaller obligations gives you the confidence you need to stick it out (like <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/fitness/a19995645/5k-training-plan/" id="025227dd-b628-3a17-af7b-cee23672d3b6">  running a 5-K </a> before a 10-K before a half-marathon before a fullya dig?). And considering debt can make you want to hide under the covers and ignore the problem until you somehow strike it rich, anything that keeps you on track is a major win. Oh, and be sure to celebrate your small successes along the way, says Welsh.</p>

<h1>  3. Negotiate more favorable terms.  </h1>

<p>Over 80 percent of people who asked their credit card company for a lower interest rate actually got one, according to a recent survey by CompareCards.com. Experts say now is the best time to state your case, but be ready to negotiate: Emphasize your longevity as a customer; explain your financial sitch briefly but honestly; then highlight competitive offers and ask them to beat em. No go? Pursue one of those offers (because remember, you are not messing around). Transfer your high-interest balance to a card with a new-customer promo (many charge zilch in interest for a year or so). Thenand this next part is keypay it off before the offers up. All your payments will go toward your principal balance, not the interest, Khalfani-Cox says.</p>

<p>Half of married peeps say I do to their partners debt. Protect your ship with tips from fam therapist Thomas Faupl.</p>

<h1>  4. ID a big goal or two to tackleand do it.  </h1>

<p>Just because loans are a socially acceptable debt doesnt mean you shouldnt tackle your balance with the same gusto as your other goals. Throw an extra $100 a month at a $33,000 balance (the national average for student debt) and youll pay it off three years sooner and save $3,000 overall. Hot tip: Savers tend to focus on dollar amounts rather than time, but people are better at squirreling away money when they think about (and value) the future, research shows. It helps to get specific. How old will your kids be in 10 years? Will you be itchin to own a home? Add your big #Goals to that doc of yours.</p>

<p>No fitness budget? No prob. Virtual classes offer the same high-energy sweat sessions forbest word everfree, and there are more options, now that basically every studio has gone digital in response to the pandemic. Follow your faves on social for live seshes if you havent already ( <a href="https://www.instagram.com/womenshealthmag/" id="322962df-56a5-3021-a212-b135eadfcbce">  @womenshealthmag </a> has some great ones), and up the ante with the <a href="https://www.nike.com/ntc-app?CP=EUNS_AFF_AWIN_UK_101248_adgoal_169849&amp;awc=16327_1590177317_4c3174bddcfdf22b6956a6477a1f08a7" id="4e26c74c-9903-3702-a83e-8ec633cb7072">  Nike Training Club </a> (free through the end of June; download the app on iTunes or GooglePlay) and <a href="https://obefitness.com/" id="99760038-c505-3e76-a5d8-1ef9e4c481db">  ObFitness </a> (free with the code ATHOME).</p>

<p><strong> <strong> This article appears in the June 2020 issue of  </strong> <strong> Womens Health. <span id="6be72d98-9b02-346e-a6bd-a870697e279b" itemtype="link" itemscope="itemscope">  Subscribe now </span> . </strong> </strong></p>

<strong> L </strong> ynnette Khalfani-Cox was up to her eyeballs in debta whopping $100,000, in fact. That sum didnt stack up overnight; shed been overspending for years on everything from household items, like electronics and clothes, to private-school tuition for two kids. It finally caught up with me, she says.

How To Pay Off Even A Sh*t Ton Of Credit Card Debt

<p>But before you start confessing your slumber sins to your S.O., know that youre not a terrible person just because your subconscious might not identify as monogamous. </p>

<p>"Dreams just don't observe those boundaries," says <a href="https://connects.catalyst.harvard.edu/Profiles/display/Person/39720" id="41cfa437-da96-3374-a07d-25543b66e676">  Deirdre Leigh Barrett </a> , PhD, assistant professor of psychology, who teaches courses on dreaming at Harvard University, and author of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Committee-Sleep-Scientists-Athletes-Solving/dp/0982869509/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&amp;qid=1589803817&amp;sr=8-1" id="63463c31-284a-3e7c-aa34-7ea2817e39c8">  The Committee of Sleep </a> . Anyone can have a cheating dreameven those in that ridiculously happy couple you hate-follow on Instagram. In fact, nearly 60 percent of women have had a dream about cheating on their partner, according to a 2018 study of nearly 1,000 people by bedding company <a href="https://go.redirectingat.com/?id=74968X1576255&amp;xs=1&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.leesa.com%2Fpages%2Ftaboo-dreams&amp;sref=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.womenshealthmag.com%2Frelationships%2Fa22738831%2Fdreams-about-cheating%2F%3Fhash%3DeyJpZCI6ImE2NDY2NGYzLTc3ZjAtNDc2YS04ODhkLWVhNzliZjcwYjA4MyIsInR5cGUiOiJjb250ZW50IiwidmVyc2lvbiI6Ijc0YjM1M2U4LTViZmUtNGRhMy05NGQwLTI0YWZkOTI0NjgwNiIsInZlcnNpb25fY3JlYXRlZF9hdCI6IjIwMTgtMDgtMTVUMjI6Mjg6NTkuMzcyMjY2WiJ9" id="f7be56f1-b850-3146-a884-947c8675fc6b">  Leesa </a> .</p>

<p>And just because you had a dalliance in Dreamland doesnt necessarily mean youre looking for a side piece IRL. On the contrary, having a cheating dream can mean almost anything, says Barrett. Same goes for a dream in which your partner is playing youit all depends on your life experiences and associations with infidelity. </p>

<p>To interpret what your nocturnal affair specifically means, she suggests pretending like youre from another planetstay with me hereand asking yourself "What is cheating?" in the broadest possible sense. Your answer might range from "horrible betrayal" to "titillating, clandestine seduction" to something in between. </p>

<p>Once youve established a baseline definition of "cheating" that makes sense to alien-esque you, ask yourself some follow-up questions: What exactly did you do cheating-wise, and how did it feel in the moment? Did it seem like a one-time fling or an ongoing affair? Did you feel like you were betraying your S.O. in the dream? Was your partner actually in the dream, or were you just aware of their existence? </p>

<p>And this ones a biggie: Does anything in your waking life give you the same feeling as your dream? That Q can help you unlock the "metaphorical" meaning of your dream, says Barrett, because "your associations may lean toward being unfaithful to something about yourself," not your partner.</p>

<p>Buut your dream could literally be an S.O.S. sent from sleep, too. Here are some common meanings of cheating dreams, according to experts: </p>

<h1> 1. You feel guilty about something in your waking life.  </h1>

<p>"In my research and experience helping my clients understand their cheating dreams, I have found the main reason you cheat in your dreams is becausedeep downyou have guilt or concern about something youre doing that is taking away from the time you should be putting into the relationship," says <a href="https://www.lauriloewenberg.com/" id="03ecfb4d-fddc-337a-a6f1-33be1c643406">  Lauri Loewenberg </a> , certified dream analyst and member of the International Association for the Study of Dreams (IASD). But again, depending on your specific sitch, that could be anything from a demanding job to a new baby to an energy-intensive side hustle. Sound like you? Consider your cheating dream a wake-up call (ha) to work on that balance.</p>

<h1> 2. And that includes cheating on a past partner(s). </h1>

<p>Maybe you've been Old Faithful in your current romance, but, um... not so much in previous ones. That matters when it comes to dream interpretation, says Loewenberg. "Infidelity can be traumatic and very difficult to heal from. Even if it has been years or decades since the transgression, the emotional scar often remains," she explains. "This includes the scar of guilt with the transgressor."</p>

<p>So, if you have a cheating dream years after it happened IRL, it's time to examine what may be currently triggering that guilt or distrust to rear its ugly head once again. "Hopefully, whatever the trigger is, it's something you can discuss and work through with your partner," says Loewenberg. Opening up about your guilt and distrust in yourself can make the relationship even stronger.</p>

<h1> 3. Something is MIA from your real-life relationship. </h1>

<p>The second most common reason for cheating dreams, according to Loewenberg, is that you feel like excitement and passion are missing in your current partnership. In fact, she adds that "cheating dreams are rarely about sex but are, more often, a brutally honest reflection of the dynamics within the relationship." </p>

<p>Feel like the initial spark that brought you two together has taken a years-long vacation? Dont be surprised if your imaginary part-time lover is also your first, she says. It makes sense when you think about it: Theyre the person you first experienced those feelings with, after all. </p>

<h1> 4. You feel like youre not being true to yourself.  </h1>

<p>Yep, Shakespeare was right all along. "To thine own self be true" isnt just some solid advice, but when you know youre not abiding by it, your dreams can become low-key haunted by the three witches of Macbeth. (Kidding! Those gals have better things to do.) </p>

<p>But seriously, cheating on your S.O. in your sleep can actually signal that youre being unfaithful to anything you have some sort of fidelity to, says Barrett. That could be your family of origin, your ancestral ethnicity, a job you havent fully committed to, or even your long-term career aspirations that your nine-to-five is pulling you away from. Maybe youve always wanted to start your own biz, but youre wasting your time and energy in an office job you kinda cant stand. This dream isnt about cheating on your partnerits about cheating yourself from your full potential. Yeah, mic drop.</p>

<h1> 5. You've compromised your principles. </h1>

<p>Sure, this is similar to not being true to yourself, but it's a little more abstract. Maybe you can't pinpoint an exact area in your life where you're feeling fake, and instead it's more of a "How did I end up here?" kinda feeling. Your cheating dream could make you realize that you somehow compromised your ethics, and you're not cool with iteven if you previously convinced yourself you were. "We suppress and ignore a lot of things by day that we don't logically endorse as important or the way we want to be," says Barrett. "Our dreams don't censor those kinds of things. So we learn something about our fuller selves by paying attention to our dreams." </p>

<h1> 6. You may have a harmless crush on someone else.  </h1>

<p>Storytime: Shortly after entering the workforce, I had a dream that I cheated with a coworker. When I woke up next to my then-boyfriend, I brushed it off, even though it had revealed some feelings toward him I previously hadnt wanted to acknowledge. But just because I had dreamt about cheating on my boyfriend with a specific person didnt mean Id actually do itand I didnt. </p>

<p>It's very possible to have a sex dream about someone you're not consciously attracted to, says Barrett. When you wake up and realize youve been harboring some covert stomach butterflies, it usually goes one of two ways: "You either pursue that relationship, or make sure to avoid that person like the plague in the future because they seem like a major threat to the stability of your relationship." The route you choose likely depends on whether</p>

<h1> 7. Something's wrong in your relationshipand it might not be salvageable.  </h1>

<p>If you're extremely aware of your LTR in the dreamto the point where having sex with someone other than your S.O. seems pretty darn purposeful and feels especially positive and titillating, it probably has some literal implications. "I would expect your associations to be much more likely to lean toward something wrong in your relationship," says Barrett. Depending on what exactly is "wrong," you might be able to salvage your relationship. Or this may be the light-bulb moment that leads you to call it quits.</p>

<p>It all has to do with intention because there's a big diff between a cheating dream and a regular ole sex dreameven though you may feel like you've cheated after you've woken up. "Having sex with someone can represent wanting to merge with some quality that this person has," she explains. "And it might just have nothing to do, one way or the other, with how you're feeling about your partner."</p>

<h1> 8. You feel unfulfilled by your sex life.  </h1>

<p>Cheating dreams might not always be about sex itself, but "the quality or lack of sex can be part of the dynamic the dream is commenting on," says Loewenberg. The devil is in the details here: Try to figure out as many different elements of the dream as possiblepartner, position(s), feelings, even locationbecause they'll offer clues as to exactly what the issue is. Maybe having an affair at a tropical resort means you're craving passion or adventure with your partner? A simple staycation can work wonders. </p>

<h1> 9. If you had a parent who cheated, you might be worried about repeating that behavior.  </h1>

<p>"When the first association with your dream is 'This is something like my mother or father did,' you may be identifying with that parentand possibly literally with a propensity to cheat on your partner," says Barrett. That doesn't mean history is going to repeat itself, though. You are not your parent. </p>

<h1> 10. Or you might be trying to understand that parent. </h1>

<p>The cheating dream could also be about the broader relationship (or lack thereof) with the parent you usually feel negative about. Ask yourself: Why did I identify with my parent in the dream? How did it feel to be like them? Does it change the way I view them and their actions? Your dream may help you better understand what they did and why. It might not magically fix a strained relationship, but it could help you start the repair process. </p>

<h1> 11. You could be cheating on something else.  </h1>

<p>"I've had clients experience the cheating dream when they'd been cheating on their diet or their addiction recovery," says Loewenberg. You feel guilty about the deception (hence it seeping into your slumber), especially since your S.O. thinks everything is just hunky-dory. It's not all bad, though: "Interestingly enough, experiencing that particular guilt in their dreams helped to reinforce their resolve to stick to their diet or recovery," she notes of her clients. This dream could be just the thing to help you get back on track, but if you're struggling with addiction, contact <a href="https://recoverycentersofamerica.com/lp/lth/start-treatment/?invsrc=NJ_Lighthouse_Addiction-Misc_EX&amp;utm_medium=cpc&amp;utm_source=deni&amp;utm_campaign=1721416249&amp;matchtype=b&amp;adposition=&amp;keyword=addiction%20help&amp;device=c&amp;gclid=EAIaIQobChMIwpe95ei96QIVCYbICh2J1AhbEAAYASAAEgKUBfD_BwE" id="4377cb52-08ed-33a5-ab4e-8c980dc2429c">  Recovery Centers of America </a> for help.</p>

<h1> If youre the one getting cheated on </h1>

<p>Remember the questions you asked yourself about what it means to cheat in a dream. Flip it and reverse it Missy Elliot-style to figure out the meaning of a dream in which your S.O. stepped out on you. First up: What is cheating? Follow that with more specific Q's: What did it feel like to know your partner cheated on you, and when have you had that feeling in waking life? Did the S.O. in your dream act like your real S.O., or was their personality more like someone else you know? Again, those answers will help reveal the specific meaning of your dream. </p>

<h1> 1. There's some kind of third wheel in your relationship.  </h1>

<p>The most common reason behind a cheated on dream is, according to Loewenberg, that you feel like there's a third wheel of sorts coming between you two. "It's often something your partner is giving their time and attention to that causes you to feel left out and 'cheated' out of that time you want with them," she explains. Usually, the culprit is work or a side project, but it can be pretty much anything you wish your partner spent less time doing. "This is almost always the case if there is no history of infidelity in your past," she affirms.</p>

<h1> 2. You don't trust your partner.  </h1>

<p>However, if you have been cheated oneither by your current S.O. or a past one, this kind of dream "can be a strong indication that the distrust is still very much alive and well," says Loewenberg. Not only that, but it's taking up precious space in your psyche. Even if your partner has done nothing wrong, you're likely still scarred from past experiences, which affects your perspective on the present situation. If any of this rings true for you, it's important to find a way to heal and rebuild the trust, says Loewenberg. </p>

<h1> 3. You're POed about your partner's flirty habits.  </h1>

<p>Sometimes, a dream really does just tell it like it is. Depending on your associations (which are revealed through answering those aforementioned questions, people!), your interpretation might be super literal. Maybe you actually were annoyed by your partner chatting up someone at a party last week or commenting on another person's cute Instagram. </p>

<p>Because you feel like your partner's beginning to pay other people more attention than they are you, you might feel like you're being emotionally cheated oneven when you're not. Talk to them about your dream and how you've been feeling lately; they may not even be conscious of what they're doing or its effect on your psyche. </p>

<h1> 4. You suspect your S.O. is actually cheating IRL.  </h1>

<p>That said, "dreams tend to be symbolic, not literal," explains Loewenberg. So, when interpreting yours, rule out the obvious first. Aside from the dream, do you already suspect your partner is cheating? Are there signs that have been making you wonder? Has your partner cheated before? If you answer "yes" to any of those questions, your dream could be clueing you in to some red flags you've previously ignored. </p>

<p>Maybe your dream brings up "an association about having overheard something that was really fishy that you just consciously shoved aside," adds Barrett. "Sometimes, the dream underlines that a part of you wonders if your S.O. is cheating on you now, or is showing more potential inclination to do so." But take your dream realization with a grain (or ten) of salt and, before making any accusations, ensure you've got legit evidence to back it up.</p>

<p>If you answered "no" to those above questions, then the dream likely symbolizes your own insecuritieseither in the relationship or in life, in general. Maybe you got passed up for a job promotion that's making you feel "not good enough," or maybe your partner simply chose a night on the couch with their favorite TV show over hanging out with you? </p>

<p>Everybody feels insecure now and then, so figure out what gives you a self-esteem boost and do it. And if that doesn't work, consider talking about your insecurities with your partner so you can work on it together. </p>

<h1> 6. You feel like your partner betrayed you in a non-sexual way.  </h1>

<p>If you woke up feeling disloyalty from your S.O., it's likely that you're harboring anger or resentment for them "betraying something promised to the relationship other than sexual fidelity," says Barrett. For example, maybe they didn't take your side in an argument with the in-laws, notes Loewenberg. You felt abandoned and unsupportedand those concerns seeped into sleepy time. </p>

<p>Bottom line: Cheating dreams might seem like nothing but nightmares, but they can pretty much always teach you something valuable about yourself. Just, uh, don't blame your partner for anything they did while you were sleeping. </p>

What Those Dreams About Cheating On Your S.O. Mean

If your ship is solid, you probably wouldnt dream of cheating on your partneruntil welp, you had actual dreams about cheating on your partner. Sigh.

Your Dreams About Cheating Could Mean A Few Different Things

<p>By now, you've probably binge-watched, Insta-stalked, and Reddit conspiracy-theoried all in pursuit of the answer to one burning question: Are Rhonda Paul and Sharron Townsend from <a id="9b5abce0-8781-3d6c-a2c5-f599deb25b2d" href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/g32106397/too-hot-to-handle-netflix-cast-instagrams/">  Netflix's </a> <a id="eacbd630-ff99-3883-abbe-747f94b1205b" href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/g32106397/too-hot-to-handle-netflix-cast-instagrams/">  Too Hot To Handle </a> still dating?</p>

<p>Hold on to your bikinis, all you naughty little possums, because Rhonda just set the record straight in a new interview with Women's Health. "Unfortunately, we are not [together]," she says. "We are the best of friends; we still do talk, as far as helping each other out, talking to each other, and things like that." (FYI: The other <a id="20ac2052-a0b7-329b-a7d5-bbf94992bcc4" href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/a32160705/too-hot-to-handle-francesca-harry-still-dating/">  Too Hot To Handle couple, Harry and Francesca </a> , are still togetheryes, really.)</p>

<p>That said, Rhonda clarified to OprahMag.com that their relationship is a "work in progress." Sharron also told the publication that meeting Rhonda on THTH was "one of the greatest things that has happened" to him. "She's been a gem in my life," he added.</p>

<p>The couple were going strong for a few months after the show ended, but their breakup was eventually "due to long distance," Rhonda explains to Women's Health. Sharron lives in New Jersey near his single mom and five brothers and works as a wrestling coach, per OprahMag.com, while Rhonda lives in Atlanta with her son. "With everything that's going on now, we actually haven't even had the time to meet since the show," she adds. "It's been very difficult with that space between us... so we kind of just agreed to be friends for now."</p>

<p>The physical distance between them turned into emotional distance as, Sharron told OprahMag.com, he "ended up closing off again" due to family issues. "My mom was sick," he explained. "...Not intentionally, but I found myself distancing from [Rhonda]."</p>

<p>Whether or not a reconciliation is in the couples' future is still TBD, especially as the COVID-19 pandemic has indefinitely put their travel plans on hold. "Right before coronavirus happened, I planned to fly out, or she was going to fly to Jersey. Coronavirus halted our plans," Sharron told OprahMag.com. </p>

<p>"The quarantine is another hurdle that we have to get over," Rhonda added to the publication.</p>

<p>Still, as <a id="b7a5538e-eb4a-33cb-aa00-39134eed861c" href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/a32224820/too-hot-to-handle-netflix-cast-now/">  the cast's transformations on </a> <a id="e632a06f-651f-35cb-a61d-d5407ed04f26" href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/a32224820/too-hot-to-handle-netflix-cast-now/">  Too Hot To Handle </a> have proven, anything's possible. (Just as long as Sharron gets approval from Rhonda's son, Amare, first.)</p>

<p>Though Rhonda and Sharron's relationship has ended, she doesn't regret a thing about it or her overall experience on the THTH retreat. "I feel like I went in there with an open mind and an open heart," she says. "So, I really wouldn't change anything, because I always feel like no matter what happens in life, good or bad, it kind of builds a stepping stone to your future. So I never regret anything."</p>

<p>And that includes what Rhonda and Sharron did in the private roomsomething that has baffled viewers, thanks to Lana's infuriatingly well-timed bleeps. </p>

<p>To answer that burning question, all Rhonda can say is: "Sharron and I definitely had connected at that point in time, but with everything that we were learning throughout our time there, we still did not ultimately destroy Lana's rules. So, we still have not had sex."</p>

<p>"I don't think I would've given anybody an opportunity to get as close to me as Rhonda did [if it weren't for] our circumstances at the retreat," Sharron noted to OprahMag.com. </p>

<p>To that end, he believes they may eventually find their way back to each other. "Hopefully there's still a chance that we can still make something work. I got a lot of love for her," he told the publication. "You know what they say. A blessing comesbut if you let it pass you by, it may not come again. I know what I have in front of me. I don't want to let it pass me by."</p>

<p>The Too Hot To Handle crew agrees that these have two have something special, even if it didn't work out in the end. "Have you seen a relationship like Sharron and Rhonda's on a reality show before? I have never seen that," creative director Laura Gibson told OprahMag.com. "The growth that those two go through together, the genuine emotion at the end of it, was heartbreakingly gorgeous."</p>

<p>As for Rhonda's current love life, well, you might just see her looking for a new beau on <a id="84e01a09-0364-3363-aa4e-675f4e8b1420" href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/a32175112/too-hot-to-handle-netflix-season-2/">  season two of </a> <a id="40fec92d-bcfc-31d9-a504-f6b2e30370cc" href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/a32175112/too-hot-to-handle-netflix-season-2/">  Too Hot To Handle </a> (if that happens). "Hopefully, there'll be more of me somewhere, you know, in another season of finding love for Amare and Rhonda," she says.</p>

Are 'Too Hot To Handle' Rhonda And Sharron Dating?

'Too Hot To Handle's Rhonda Just Revealed Whether She And Sharron Are Still Dating

<p>Two of them are Francesca Farago and Harry Jowsey. Sparks flew the second they set eyesand soon enough, handson each other, but is the couple still dating now that Too Hot To Handle is dunzo? Or was their relationship, indeed, too hot to handle once the cameras stopped rolling? </p>

<p>Please allow me to present my case based on clues from their Instagram accounts (which, first off, follow each other): </p>

<h1> 1. Harry visited Francesca's hometown last summer.  </h1>

<p>Remember how Francesca told Harry he'd like Vancouver once he visited it? Well, according to the Australian's Instagram, he just so happened to be hanging out in her city during June and August 2019. Not only that, but from the looks of one Instagram photo, he certainly seems to have enjoyed his stay. </p>

<p>While Francesca isn't in any of the photos (because that'd spoil the show, duh), one of Harry's Vancouver pics were taken while sitting in a lime green Lamborghini. </p>

<p>You know who else has a pic of themselves in front of a lime green Lamborghini? Francesca. </p>

<p>Though she geotagged the photo in Las Vegas, the car very obviously has a Vancouver, British Columbia front license plate. So... you be the judge here. </p>

<p>Corresponding car pics aside, I find it pretty hard to believe that Harry would travel halfway around the world to the exact place his beau lives if it wasn't for the express reason of seeing her.</p>

<h1> 2. Francesca also traveled to Australia, where Harry lives.  </h1>

<p>Coincidence? I think not. Of all the vegemite joints in all the world, she walked into hisbecause (I am convinced) Francesca wanted some QT with her cutie. After all, do you know anyone who takes a 16-plus-hours-long flight to the exact place their ex-boyfriend lives? I don't. </p>

<p>Granted, Francesca does have a knack for revenge schemes, but even so, it's kinda hard to believe that anyone would drop thousands of dollars on plane tickets, lodging, etc. just to get back at an ex. </p>

<p>Not to mention, she and Harry both posted photos with kangaroos from what appears to be the same wildlife sanctuary on THE EXACT SAME DAY. </p>

<p>Harry geotagged <a href="https://www.cooberriepark.com.au/" id="5d850a38-2783-3db9-a1f3-bec77f554207">  Cooberrie Park Wildlife Sanctuary </a> , while Francesca simply tagged Gold Coast, Queensland. Well, ya know where the wildlife sanctuary is located, according to their website? That's right: Yeppoon, Capricorn Coast in Queensland, which also happens to be exactly where Francesca geotagged a bikini pic posted to Instagram one day earlier.</p>

<h1> 3. They both have L.A. as a second location in their Instagram bios.  </h1>

<p>Besides their trips to see each other, it seems that both Francesca and Harry split their time between their hometowns and Los Angeles. This tidbit isn't too earth-shattering, since they're already both Instagram models and, now, reality TV personalities. Not to mention, L.A. is the obvious place you move to after becoming famous (see: every notable member of Bachelor Nation ever), buuuuuut it's still a clue that they're together. </p>

<p>At the very least, they must've been chill with hanging in the same city until Francesca's last L.A. post shared in November 2019. Now, based on her most recent posts, she's self-quarantining in Vancouver amid the COVID-19 pandemic. But, to that end, why would she still have L.A. in her Instagram bio if she wasn't planning to live there permanently (and potentially with her love, Harry)?</p>

<h1> 4. They've legit commented on each other's Instagrams.  </h1>

<p>And not just their most recent Too Hot To Handle posts. Remember that kiss pic taken in Vancouver? Yeah, Harry straight-up tagged Francesca in the comments. </p>

<p>All he wrote was "you," but that pretty much implies those were her lips that left the kiss mark on his cheek. Not only that, but Francesca liked the comment, along with two of Harry's friends (who Francesca has interacted with on Instagrammore on that later). </p>

<p>To add fuel to this hypothetically hot AF fire, when a fan asked Harry "who's the lucky girl?" he responded, "top secret." And when another commented, "Who's is [sic] your secret girl Harry we want to know," he said, "soon, I promise." </p>

<p>And when still another Instagram follower commented, "We need some travel videos Harry let's go," he said: "I have banked up will drop them all when we are allowed." </p>

<p>Hmmm... when "we" are allowed? Let's be real, that has to be a reference to his and Francesca's Netflix contracts forcing them to keep all evidence of their relationship on the DL until after the show premieres. (Remember how <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/a30875664/love-is-blind-couples-now/" id="433e8b72-79e9-307f-a0f6-a9e8bc4d7b04">  Love Is Blind's Amber and Barnett </a> shared a ton of #secretyearoffun couples photos only after the reunion premiered? These two are likely in the same situation.)</p>

<h1> 5. But they did also post about being single on Valentine's Day. </h1>

<p>For starters, Harry's caption reads, "As Valentines Day approaches its a good time to think about relationships and how its two people coming together to solve problems you wouldnt have if you were just single ." But, as if that weren't clear enough, he also wrote "Staying single forever" in the comments. </p>

<p>Meanwhile, in a post geotagged at "Single Island" (which, lol), Francesca wrote in the caption, "happy V day to everyone getting drunk w their friends tonight &amp; NOT texting their exs ;)."</p>

<p>So, their summer lovin' could've ended by February, or these posts could just be an elaborate ruse to throw social media sleuths (@me) off their tracks. Still, neither Harry nor Francesca liked each other's V Day posts, which does make it seem like some kind of breakup actually did go down. </p>

<h1> 6. And they're not quarantining together now.  </h1>

<p>Based on Harry and Francesca's latest Instagram posts, he's holed up in L.A., while she's staying at home in Vancouver amid the COVID-19 pandemic. </p>

<p>And neither of them have liked each other's quaratine pictures either... whomp whomp. (Maybe they're just busy preparing themselves for reality TV fame? Idk.) </p>

<h1> 7. But Francesca told Harry's friend she wants them to be.  </h1>

<p>And this, my friends, is why you always, always, always check the comments. That's where the juiciest stuff is hiding. </p>

<p>Two Instagram users/friends of Harry, Kristian Barbarich ( <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kristianbarbarich/" id="664edda5-884c-39cc-a42f-b851246e0cee">  @kristianbarbarich </a> ) and Jacob Botica ( <a href="https://www.instagram.com/jacobbotica/" id="dcee64d8-43b2-392a-a188-5e2739e7ead1">  @jacobbotica </a> ) tagged Harry in the comments on Francesca's post from April 9.</p>

<p>But that's not all, in response to @jacobbotica, Francesca wrote, "hi can we all quarantine together?" He responded, "pls" with the puppy dog eyes emoji. </p>

<p>Now, who in their right mind would want to quarantine with their ex-boyfriend and two besties amid a global pandemic? </p>

<p>Okay, so former <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/a31810442/hannah-brown-tyler-cameron-tiktok-video-relationship/" id="4f0605cf-0c4d-3176-afb2-029cf7386ff1">  Bachelorette Hannah Brown did just that with Tyler Cameron </a> (they're almost definitely back together), but the very fact that it is Harry's friends starting these IG comment convos is pretty much undeniable proof that Harry and Francesca are still dating. Friends don't let friends comment on their ex-girlfriend's Instagrams, ya know?</p>

<h1> 8. Harry's friend joked about attending Francesca's wedding.  </h1>

<p>Oh, and if all that wasn't enough to convince you. How about this comment from @jacobbotica on Francesca's most recent post. </p>

<p>He wrote, "Can't wait to be the flower girl at your wedding," which is obviously a joke because he's a grown man. </p>

<p>But the fact that he's joking about attending Francesca's wedding at all? Why would he do that if said hypothetical wedding wouldn't (one day) involve one of his best friends? He wouldn't.</p>

Are 'Too Hot To Handle' Francesca & Harry Dating?

Netflix's new dating show, <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/g32106397/too-hot-to-handle-netflix-cast-instagrams/" id="eacbd630-ff99-3883-abbe-747f94b1205b">  Too Hot To Handle </a> , is eight episodes of pure, underalterated <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/g31251536/netflix-reality-shows/" id="bcc4b87f-1c2b-3191-adf3-1318a1419d5c">  reality TV bliss </a> (a.k.a. just what you need when staying at home for days on end). A combination of Love Island and The Circleminu...

Are 'Too Hot To Handle's' Francesca And Harry Still Dating? What Instagram Clues Reveal...

<p>As someone who's had their fair share of both good and bad sex (long overdue apologies to my college self), I now know that "great sex" can mean different things and that there's no one-size-f*cks-all definition.</p>

"Pizza is like sex. Even when its bad, its still pretty good." I heard that joke at least a dozen times in high school and even more in college (turns out, teenagers have a lot of free time to talk about sex when theyre not having it). And, like high heels, Im almost positive that this saying was invented by a man. Because if you're wondering what makes for "good sex," comparing it to an almost universally liked food is...pretty much meaningless.

Lindsay Geller

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