Marissa Gainsburg

BDE is a quiet confidence and ease with oneself that comes from knowing you have an enormous penis and you know what to do with it," writer Allison P. David explained in the article. Its not cockiness, its not a power tripits the opposite: a healthy, satisfied, low-key way you feel yourself.

Women, obviously, cant have BDEat least not in the literal sense. The reality is, theres no true equivalent, either, like Tight P*ssy Power or Big Boob Energy. In this society of double standards (eff the patriarchy!), those labels are objectifying and strip the very thing theyre hoping to exude (dominance).

Which is why when I discovered an entirely new source of quiet confidence and ease, I knew I had to share it. This type has nothing to do with penises but everything to do with another piece of typically male-owned property. World, meet BTE: Big Truck Energy.

Big Truck Energy (BTE): The confidence and sense of empowerment that comes from driving a huge pickupor channeling the equivalent.

Before you @ me for being a gas-guzzling, confused city girl (which, FWIW, I kinda am), let me explain.

A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of going on a short getaway to Greenport, a cute seaport on the North Fork of Long Island, New York. The itinerary included fishing, a winery visit, and stargazing on the beachthree activities that bring me that perfect blend of peace and joy. But the real power of the trip ended up having nothing to do with the events. It was the transformative feeling that came over me while driving the giant, decked-out 2020 pickup truck that I borrowed from GMC for the weekend.

I parallel parked this betch on the first try. Confidence? SURGED.

It took all but 10 minutesabout the time it took to pull out of the midtown garage and onto a moving Manhattan streetto transition from nervous AF to 100-percent *that bitch*. Between hopping into the truck like I would mount a horse (mine was lifted an extra two sexy inches), towering over lanes of taxis, Camrys, and Accords (a.k.a. every Uber in NYC), eyeing the spacious, carbon truck bed in my rearview mirror, and getting all kinds of surprised looks and comments from sidewalk bystanders ("Didn't expect to see you hop out of that!"), I felt like a different person. A better person. A cooler, more confident, less cautious version of myself.

It couldnt have come at a better time. A near year-long <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a27478820/situationship/" id="9f8a1c14-22df-3685-a19a-8c00e8710fc3"> situationship </a> that I thought was finally going somewhere had just, to use an auto-related euphemism, crashed and burned, and I was crushed. All the usual self-doubting questions swirled around in my head on repeat: What did I do wrong? Is there someone else? And the worst of all: Why wasnt I enough?

But as I drove the two-ish hours from the city to Greenport, something started shifting in my brain. I was sad, sureafter all, Id fallen for a guy for the first time after an eight-year, <a href="https://womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a19950378/rules-for-getting-back-together/" id="d8a3546b-6d5b-318f-accd-afe94b9da3a6"> on-again/off-again relationship </a> , and Id finally let myself get excited about it. But I wasnt stressed or anxious, like I had been for days. Somehow, driving that truck gave me a sense of control and self-assuredness, two things I definitely didnt have even hours earlier. As the weekend went on and the reality of the situation hit me harder, I was surprised how quickly hopping back into the truck helped me, quite literally, dry my tears.

In the words of Carrie Bradshaw (on a concept that is admittedly so un-Carrie Bradshaw), I couldnt help but wonder: Is it possible that just driving a truck can work such magic on your soul? Could BTE bereal?

In short: yes. Theres a concept in fashion psychology (yeah, thats a thing) called enclothed cognition, which describes the phenomenon that happens when a person wears clothes that are designed for a certain purpose. <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022103112000200" id="aa034f6e-2356-31fb-a818-eb9a4a443cb2"> Research shows </a> that a doctor becomes more attentive when they wear a lab coat, much like wearing high-quality workout gear can subconsciously motivate you to go harder at the gym.

I know driving a vehicle isnt the same as wearing an outfitbut in my opinion, its even more enablingif it werent, cars wouldnt be the status symbol that they are today. And lets be honest: Trucks are bad-freaking-ass. You can trailor with them, tailgate with them (especially this one, it had a built-in outdoor speaker), haul anything and everything with them, sleep in them, and have some really fun <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/a19903570/car-sex-positions/" id="3b8531ab-f067-3cd7-a734-2880d21826a2"> car sex </a> in them. (I didnt get that far, but every country song leads to me to believe that...)

Theres also the fact that driving a big truck gives off its own body language on the road. Think about it: Experts say that standing or leaning over someone is an assertion of power, which helps explain why there are stages for keynote speakers and podiums for professors, and could explain why shorter people often feel intimidated by taller peers. By extension, a lifted truck should then be a guaranteed <a href="https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en" id="db1c5dd9-a5cd-3dff-a184-be9922c3c665"> power pose </a> for the person maneuvering it. I know no one tried to cut me off when I flew down the Long Island Expressway in my Sierra, and that was certainly a first.

Now, I know Im just taking a bunch of theories and throwing them together to draw conclusions, because thats what women do. But for the sake of real news, I also asked licensed psychologist <a href="http://sethgillihan.com/" id="c5ea8904-c809-3f38-a0c1-9c9d74c9324b"> Seth Gillihan, </a> PhD, for his expert opinion, to see if I was crazy. Turns out, I'm totally not (at least not about this).

"Trucks are large and wide, and settling into them involves a more spread-out position that encourages you to feel unapologetic for the space you take up," Gillihan says. "But they're also seen as strong, tough, no nonsense, and in charge. As such, you feel powerful in the driver's seat."

Obviously had to selfie in this baby (excuse the Snapchat blurriness).

What's more, he adds, "while some might be concerned that the feelings of power are false in some wayput on from the outside rather than grounded in ones beingour vehicles can also remind us of our inner strength and toughness. That can stay with us even after weve gone back to our Prius or minivan." (Or in my case, the subway.)

That explains my BTE in a nutshell. It wasn't just the sense of being literally elevated, it was the realization that if I got into an accidentif I swerved a little in the wrong direction, slammed on the brakes, or crashed and burned all over again, Id be just fine. Physically, yes, but emotionally, too, because I am strong and fierce and grounded and everything that a big shiny truck is at its core. As a writer, Im a sucker for a good metaphor, and this one stuck with me.

Of course, renting (or ya know, buying) a huge, souped-up truck might not be all that practical for you. No worries! The key is to find your own version of BTE, and channel it as often as you want or need.

\"The best thing about BTE is that you dont have to have a certain body part to tap into ityou just need to find the \'truck\' that\'ll help you reveal your inner badass.\"

Maybe its rocking a pair of studded combat boots that are nothing like any shoes youve worn before. Maybe its getting the secret <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/a19912072/nipple-piercings/" id="5be30ad4-b679-36d8-a7d6-b1d117f4a9e4"> nipple piercing </a> youve thought about for years. Maybe its something as extensive as learning a hard-core hobby, like clay shooting or SCUBA diving, or as simple as swiping on a sultry <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/beauty/a19997844/dark-lipstick-trend/" id="3ffbcf4a-2355-3273-a997-9dabafbdeac8"> dark lipstick </a> before work. It really doesnt matter. The best thing about BTE is that you dont have to have a certain body part to tap into ityou just need to find the truck thatll help you reveal your inner badass.

Taking the truck out for a day hike with my besties. We all felt the BTE.

As for me, I didnt lose all my BTE once I reluctantly handed the keys back. Instead of wondering, Why wasn't I enough? now I think, Maybe I was too much.

If that's the case, cool. I'll save my energy for someone who's interested in being my ride or die, not just a temporary passenger.

BTE Is The New BDE—And You Already Have It

Unless youve been living under a pop-culture-deprived rock (if so, where and can I join you?), you know all about BDE. A quick refresher, anyway, in case you forgot: Big Dick Energy and its beloved acronym first showed up on the OG creator of shorthand, Twitter, circa June 2018, then took off when New York Magazines <a href="https://www.thecut.com/2018/06/pete-davidson-ariana-grande-big-dick-energy.html" id="de1235e8-3207-354c-acd6-b263399ff18a"> The Cut </a> used the term to describe Pete D...

BTE—Big Truck Energy—Is The Confidence Boost You Didn't Know You Needed

1) Traditional Spoon Ah, Traditional Spoon, how I love thee. This classic (for a reason, natch) position requires minimal effortbut with the tips aboveresults in maximum pleasure. Win! Do It: Both of you lie on your sides, facing the same direction. You bring your knees up slightly while your partner slides up behind your pelvis and enters you from behind. Emily Schiff Slater

2) The Spork Okay, so this is more like a half-spooning position, but who's counting? All this tweak takes is a minor shift in form on your end (you just flip onto your back and lift a leg) for your to get some direct grinding action on your clitoris. Yum. Do It: Flip onto your back while your partner stays on their side. Then raise your left leg so they can position themself between your legs at a 90-degree angle and enter you. Your legs will form the tines of a spork (that's a spoon-fork combo, ICYDK). Emily Schiff-Slater

3) Reverse Scoop As far as I'm concerned, spooning is less about your heads facing the same direction and way more about your bodies cocooning into each other. I mean, there's no reason you can't have spooning sex while looking into each other's eyesso meet the Reverse Scoop. Do It: Flip your body to face your partner, and pull their body close to yours as they enter you. Intertwine your legs, and go (read: grind) at it. Emily Schiff-Slater

4) Seated Spoon Who said you can only spoon while lying down? This tweak on the Traditional Spoon ensures serious <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/a19927155/how-to-find-your-own-g-spot/" id="c57fb859-7828-331b-ada8-378641f8cc91"> G-spot stimulation </a> and changes up the view of your hot bodies. Do It: Have your partner sit on the edge of the bed or on a chair. Then you sit on top of them, facing away. Emily Schiff-Slater

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2) Lying Doggy The Lying Doggy is perfect for shallow penetrationwhich you should definitely try if you haven't already. Most of the nerves in the anus are in the first two inches of the opening, so this is a great way to get that stimulation even if you're an anal sex beginner. Do It: Lie on your stomach, and have your partner lie directly on top on of you, entering from behind. Have him balance on his elbows for optimal comfort. Emily Schiff-Slater

3) Backdoor Missionary Anal sex positions are often a face-away-from-each-other kind of deal, but this one allows you and your partner to get some eye-contact in during sex. That adds to the whole intimacy thing. Do It: Have your partner enter you from the missionary position. Keep your knees pressed against his side to control how deep he goes, putting your hands on his chest for extra resistance. You can also add a pillow underneath your hips, to get the pelvis in the perfect place for penetration. Emily Schiff-Slater

4) The Caboose Don't you love that this position is called the Caboose? While it's a must-try for regular penetration, it's a really sweet one for anal, if you can call anal sex that. You're attached from the torso to your legs and can kiss each other to up the romance. Do It: While he sits on the bed or a chair, back yourself into his lap and spoon each other while seated. Emily Schiff-Slater

5) Back It Up If youre interested in standing anal sex positions, this is a great choice. It's ideal for shallow penetration, giving your nerve-rich anal opening plenty of attention. The skin-to-skin contact is also super romantic and sexy. Do It : Have your partner kneel against the bed and you lie across the edge, leaning on one side with your back (and obviously butt) facing him. Lean back into his penis. Swivel your hips to control the speed and motion. Emily Schiff-Slater

6) Spoon Oh, spooningthe lazy girl's move for vaginal, and now anal, sex. This position is great when you don't want to make eye contact (sometimes, especially when your partner is up your backdoor, you don't want to) or feel like busting out crazy moves. Plus, skin on skin is hot. Do It: Both of you lie on your sides, facing the same direction. You bring your knees up slightly while your partner slides up behind your pelvis and enters you from behind. Emily Schiff Slater

7) Leaning Cowgirl Anal sex in the cowgirl position is especially hot because it gives the person on top all of the control. It's also super easy for you and your partner to reach around and finger your vagina or rub your <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/a26962405/what-is-a-clit/" id="cf8ccf67-65f5-3e89-a335-bc65b3317319"> clitoris </a> . Do It: Have you partner lie down faceup, then straddle them. Slowly slide yourself down at your own pace. Lean forward, placing both hands on your partner's chest or shoulders. Emily Schiff-Slater

8) Backsided Lotus Regular Lotus is touted as one of the most intimate and romantic positions there is. Make it the anal version, and you take that intimacy up a notch (okay, several). Here, you're as close to your partner as possible, and get some eye-contact time that can be oh-so-hot. One note: He'll likely feel pretty deep, so go slow. Do It: Have your partner sit on the bed or couch. Climb on top of his lap. Slide down so youre face-to-face. Emily Schiff-Slater

9) Reverse Cowgirl Reverse cowgirl may not be your favorite for regular P-in-the-V action (though your partner probably LOVES it), but in the anal sex world, the position is clutch. You get to control his depth and thrusting pattern with relative ease. Do It: Have your partner lie on his back. Straddle him backward and slide down at your leisure. Have your partner stimulate your clit, while you offer them an ultra-sexy view of your backside. Emily Schiff-Slater

10) Spork The Spork is really, really hot for any kind of sexthere's the intimate eye contact, the intertwined legs, and the slightly twisted angle of penetration. Try it as an anal sex position and it might become your favorite. Do It: While you lie on your back, raise your right leg so he can position himself between your legs at a 90-degree angle and enter your anus. Emily Schiff-Slater

11) Tilted Doggy Doggy style is the classic anal sex position for a reason: It's perfect for deep penetration, and you can arch your back for even deeper thrusts, which can help target that infamous <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/a-spot-orgasm" id="b2ad45e1-733e-3d16-aec7-fbc574a949dc"> A-spot </a> . Do It: Get on all fours, and have your partner enter you from behind. From here, your partner can (and should) easily stroke your nipples or clitoris, too. Emily Schiff-Slater

12) Standing Doggy The only thing that makes anal even hotter? Turning the <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/g19565291/kinky-sex-positions/" id="53d77681-53af-3670-a5d5-9db33242586b"> kink </a> up, by having you bend forward and your partner restrain your wrists (even if it's just with his hands). It's a gentle foray into <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/a19957328/bdsm-beginners-guide/" id="36232ce8-3d09-38e2-a14e-caaf3a0d44b0"> BDSM </a> ... Do It: With both of you standing, bend over at the waist. Have him enter you from behind as he grips your wrists and holds them by your sides. Emily Schiff-Slater

13) Full Throttle Calling all anal veterans! If youre a gal who loves deep penetration, this (appropriately named) position is a must-try. Not only does the angle give him full entry, you're also in the perfect setup for a finger or two (or a toy) inside your vagina. The result? Total fullness. Do It: Lying on your back, bring your legs up to your shoulders. Have your parnter enter you from above, using his hands to balance above you. Emily Schiff-Slater

14) The Snake If youre someone who regularly engages in anal sex, you'll really love this position. Raising your hips makes him feel deeper and allows you to reach under you to stimulate your clit with a toy. There's also something really hot about the submissiveness that comes with having half your body (consensually!) pushed into the bed. Do It: While on your knees, lean forward and place your chest on the bed. Have your partner enter you from behind. For deeper penetration, have your partner lean back and hold your hips to pull you in. Emily Schiff-Slater

15) Pile Driver This might be one of the most advanced (and extreme, I must say) anal sex positions out there. For one, you need to be able to take all of him inside, since he's more or less sitting on top of your rear. Two, you can't move around much, so you have to be able to withstand all the action, at least for a bit. And three, look at that flexibility! Do It: Lie on your back and bring your legs up over your head. The more flexible you are the better. Try to get your butt as high in the air as possible.Have your partner lower himself onto you. He should have great access to lean down and stimulate your clitoris. Emily Schiff-Slater

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2) The Chairman Are you lucky/fancy enough to have one of those seat-shelves in your shower? If not, did you take my advice and buy one yet? You need to: This seated rear-entry position is the perfect shower choice if you like <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/a19953758/make-girl-on-top-even-hotter/" id="cc141328-add8-3e48-ae39-2f51b839127c"> girl-on-top </a> . Do It: Have your partner sit on the bench with feet on the floor. Facing away from them, sit on their lap, straddling them (you choose how wide to spread your legs based on your stability). As you pump up and down, your hands will be free to play with your clit or any other erogenous zones. You can even have your partner hold your wrists so you can lean forward and go at it at an angle. Fun! Emily Schiff-Slater

3) Face-Off Heres another position that'll help you make good use of that shower seat. Do It: With your partner sitting down, straddle them, facing forward with your knees and/or shins on the bench for leverage. Grind against your partner, bracing the wall for balance if need be.The pressure of his pubic bone against your clitoris should feel pretty darn stimulatingbut if your knees or legs start to hurt, try pretzeling them behind your partner's back. Emily Schiff-Slater

4) Upstanding Citizen This position might also be easiest with a shower shelf seat, but thats not completely necessary. That said, you may not want to start with this positionthink of it more like your finale. Do It: With your back pressed against the wall, have your partner enter you from the front: You can wrap both your legs around their waist, or if thats too slippery in the shower, try dropping one foot to the floor and leaving one lifted. Emily Schiff-Slater

5) Corkscrew When in doubt, lying down and bracing yourself against a surface is a safe strategy for shower sex. You have to have a thicker-rimmed shower/bathtub situation for this position to work, but you could also bring in a temporary bench. Do It: Rest on your hip and forearm on one side of the tub, shower shelf, or bench, and press your thighs together. Have your partner stand behind you and enter, keeping your legs closed for a tighter hold as he thrusts. Emily Schiff-Slater

6) Ballet Dancer For another fun front-facing position (that requires a little less balance on your partner's end), this is a great option. Do It: With your partner standing and positioned to enter you from the front, bring one leg up to brace against the edge of the tub or your shower wall for extra support and thrusting leverage. The change in angle adds a stimulating twist to a shower standard, and the added sensation of warm water on your back definitely doesnt hurt. Emily Schiff-Slater

7) Champagne Room So this move might look a little blah, but trustit isn't. You get some deep P-in-the-V action (go ahead and touch your clit, or have him reach one hand around to do it himself), he gets to rest (a bit), and you both get a break from all the weird wet kissing. Because let's be honest...warm water never tastes good (nope, not even during sex). Do It: Have your partner sit on the edge of the tub or your handy bench, then sit on top of him, facing away. Simple! Emily Schiff-Slater

8) The Caboose No one in their right mind would tell you to have sex lying down in the shower (hello, drowning?). But there's no reason you can't have sex sitting down, on the shower floor. In fact, there's every reason TO go for it: You can't fall if you're already on flat ground. Do It: Position the shower head so that it will hit your bodies (not faces), then have your partner sit on the shower floor, hands behind him to prop him up. Then sit in front of him and scootch your hips until you're sitting on top of him. Note: You'll be the one doing most of the riding (and pro tip: circular grinding) here, since his tush hitting the hard tile over and over won't feel so good. Show him what you've got! Emily Schiff-Slater

9) Table Top One thing that makes shower sex (and standing sex in general, tbh) harder? A big height difference. So to make up for any gaps, this should be your go-to. Do It: Prop yourself onto the tub ledge or bench and have your partner enter you while you hold onto the closet surface. If you're completely stable, place your feet on his chest, in front of his shoulders, to better control his tempo and depth of thrusts. Emily Schiff-Slater

10) Wheelbarrow If you're feeling a little more ambitious (and #WHstrong), consider the wheelbarrow position. Word of caution, though: You definitely want that non-slip bath mat, and point the water to be nowhere near your head. (So you can breathe...okay, pant.) Do It: Get on your hands and feet, and have your partner pick you up by the pelvis. Then, wrap your thighs around their waist for support as your partner thrusts. This position allows for some super-deep penetration, and the warm water hitting your body at the same time will feel incredible. Emily Schiff-Slater

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"The hand job definitely doesn't happen enough in adult bedrooms," says <a href="https://vmtherapy.com/" id="bd19a9d4-c92c-3e98-a511-57240014af1f"> Vanessa Marin </a> , a licensed sex therapist in Los Angeles. "Its a huge shame because a hand job is a great way to bring pleasure to your partner."

The reasons are two-fold: One, he gets the opportunity to watch his sexy partner (you) take the reins on something he typically does himself. And two, when you do something that you don't engage in often, the act becomes infinitely hotter. Simply because it's novel.

"Our brains crave newness," Marin says-even for something that's totally old-school.

While you're revamping your sex life, you may as well know how it stacks up with others':

So here's how to give a good hand job, in case you (a) forgot, or (b) skipped that step on your way to be becoming a full-blown sex goddess...

<h1> 1. Start with a conversation about hand jobs. </h1>

Good sex starts with knowing what you and your partner want-and being able to talk about it. The hand job, despite its "basic" nature, is no exception.

"The easiest way to find out what works for him is to ask him how he likes to touch himself," says <a href="http://drhollyrichmond.com/connect/" id="a84178c2-40dc-3568-a4d4-33bb6e77dbe9"> Holly Richmond </a> , PhD, a certified sex therapist and licensed marriage therapist with practices in L.A., New Jersey, and Portland, Oregon. "Have him show you what he does when he's on his own, and really watch."

Not only will you get a general idea of the speed and motion he uses, you'll also likely be turned on.

"For many women [and men], watching their partner masturbate is a huge turn-on," Richmond adds. And getting in the mood to give a good handy is half the battle (amirite?).

<h1> 2. Take note of what you're working with. </h1>

Every man and every penis is different (obvs), but for hand-job purposes, you can divide them into two camps: <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/a19903761/circumcision/" id="31082982-f69a-3d1e-ad0d-6688ba5dea1d"> circumcised and uncircumcised </a> .

Circumcised penises (a.k.a. ones that have had the foreskin removed) are used to being touched at the tip, so you may want to spend extra time on that area, Richmond says.

Uncircumcised penises, however, can be extremely sensitive around the hood (because they're not usually exposed). So with this type, you definitely want to see how aggressively he tugs on himself before you jump in. He may not pull the foreskin down much, so take note.

<h1> 3. Use lube-always-for a good hand job. </h1>

If you haven't figured out by now that lube makes everything better, maybe you will now.

"When you're using your hands instead of your mouth or vagina, which are wet in nature, you need lubricant to minimize friction from skin-to-skin contact," Marin explains. "The hand job will become much, much smoother and easier for you and much more enjoyable for him."

Of course, you don't have to be a total traditionalist with your hand job. "There's no reason you can't use a little bit of spit to add moisture," adds Richmond. Just know that whereas spit dries/evaporates quickly, a good lube won't.

<h1> 4. Don't be afraid of pressure. </h1>

"A big 'issue' that comes up from men is that women are too delicate with the penis," Marin says. It's not really your fault: "Since the clitoris is really sensitive, we tend to approach the penis with more sensitivity than necessary. You can be a lot firmer than you think."

Of course, you don't want to squeeze your guy so hard that <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/g28008142/sexting-emoji/" id="b492a0b7-5063-3d55-ae2e-3266ee4df262"> his eggplant </a> actually turns purple. So a good way to tell? "When your partner is hard, wrap your hand around his penis and gradually increase the pressure. As you do so, have him tell you when its too much," suggests Marin.

You'll very likely be surprised by how much pressure he actually wants.

<h1> 5. Mix up your hand technique. </h1>

Chances are, your guy is used to getting himself off with a pretty straightforward up-and-down motion. (I mean, he's been doing this since, what, age 11? He's got it down pat.)

So when you're giving him a hand job, simple is better. "A lot of women get overly complicated with technique," Marin says, "which can be a little too much for him."

\"A lot of women get overly complicated with technique, which can be a little too much for him.\"

Her advice: Switch things up a bit every minute-ish. That doesn't mean stop what you're doing and restart with an entirely different type of touch, but "make a slight tweak, like using a little more pressure or going a little slower or faster," she says.

Have two or three different techniques that you can alternate, and gradually transition between them.

For example, try cupping your whole hand around the base of his penis and doing a slight twisting motion (again, with lube!) as you move his shaft up and down. Then switch to sliding just your thumb and pointer finger (imagine the "okay" hand signal) up and down his penis, faster.

Speaking of technique, one way to make him finish fast (that is sorta the goal when your arms get tired, right?) is to bring both hands to the penis party.

"He's most likely used to just using one main hand when he masturbates, so if you use two, you're adding excitement and stimulation right off the bat," Richmond notes.

Plus, using two hands shows you're really, uh, invested in giving a good performance. "He will be much more into the hand job if he can easily tell that you are, too," says Marin. (True words.)

<h1> 7. Experiment with different areas. </h1>

By this, I mean (mostly) his balls.

"Don't leave the balls out of it, unless you know he's not into ball play," Marin says. Balls are usually pretty simple: "Either cradle them softly in one hand, rub your fingers around them, or lightly stroke the area in between the two testicles, which is super-sensitive."

You could also try spreading your hand so that you grasp his balls between your fingers (do. not. squeeze.) or grazing a finger from the top of his ballsack down, she adds.

And don't stop there: "The area between his penis and anus, the perineum, has tons of nerve endings, so you can touch there, too," Richmond says. He could also like a little <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/a19904922/beginners-guide-anal-sex/" id="a0e40a65-9e88-39ec-a55e-6865eead915d"> butt action </a> -but always ask first. Never ass-ume (heh).

For circumcised penises, stroking the area where his head meets his shaft, as well as the very tip, can be extremely stimulating for him, as well. Again, focus your attention where he does himself and you're good.

When one (or both) of you is naked, verbalizing when something doesn't feel good can be awkward, if not downright awful. But communicating about what you don't like is super important-especially in the case of a hand job, when you could actually cause him some pain.

Ideally, your partner will tell you when he's uncomfortable or just not into something, but either way, "pay attention to his body language, which will tell you everything about how it feels," says Richmond. That includes his facial expressions, (happy) moans, pace of breath, and-the obvious-strength of his erection.

\"It\'s perfectly possible to use a hand job as the main sex event rather than just foreplay.\"

In case you were wondering, "it's perfectly possible to use a hand job as the main sex event rather than just foreplay," Richmond continues. "We all want to be touched-it creates an opportunity for a whole new level of intimacy."

So there you have it, folks: A good hand job is finally in your, ahem, hands...and hopefully will be for the rest of your adult life.

How To Give A Good, No-INCREDIBLE-Hand Job

Out of all the go-to skills in your sex repertoire, giving a hand job is likely not one that you whip out often. Not because you're totally clueless about how to handle his penis, but because sometime after high school, the good ol' HJ lost its luster.

8 Tips For Giving The BEST Hand Job He's Ever Had

That seemed absurd to me. How was I supposed to identify who I was attracted to in one mere box?

<h1> Does a sexuality spectrum really exist? </h1>

You may have heard the term "sexuality spectrum" tossed around over brunch with your girls. It describes not just the wide range of sexual preferences, but also the <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/a20662770/what-is-sexually-fluid/" id="cee49568-21dd-3fe5-ab27-a269dfdbb5e7"> fluid nature </a> of those preferences-as in, they can evolve over time.

And experts have proven that the spectrum is legit: A from the Journal of Sex Research surveyed 12,000 students and found that people experienced substantial changes in who they were attracted to-and dated-between their teenage years and late 20s.

Stars are speaking up about their own sexual spectrum. Find out who:

<h1> Then why is the sexuality spectrum still controversial? </h1>

The idea that sexuality exists on a spectrum isn't very easy for people to wrap their minds around, says <a href="https://drjanegreer.com/" id="e8cc3f34-0044-382d-a3b3-36a4398295e9"> Jane Greer, PhD, </a> a relationship expert in New York City and author of How Could You Do This to Me? Learning to Trust After Betrayal.

The spectrum concept "can frighten some people and make them doubt their own sexual identity," Greer says. More specifically: Some may believe that being gay, for example, "is seen as a defining aspect of their personality," when really it's just a sexual expression in the moment, she explains.

"Its like if they had a piece of cake one time and then worried theyd become a cake addict," Greer says. "Sexuality can be about just experiencing things in the moment, and thats difficult for some people to accept."

<h1> So...how do I know where I fall on the spectrum? </h1>

The beauty of the sexuality spectrum is that you don't need to know exactly where you fall on it at any given time. It's more about acknowledging any sexual desires you may be having-and *not* feeling the need to label them, unless you want to.

It's also worth noting that sexual orientation isn't as black-and-white as who you're dating. So if you're trying to figure out yours, there's more to consider.

"Sexual orientation involves many aspects of life, such as who we feel attracted to, who we have sex with, and how we self-identify," says <a href="https://liberalarts.vt.edu/departments-and-schools/department-of-human-development-and-family-science/faculty/christine-kaestle.html" id="6e4eab6e-618f-3f1c-a4cb-c2e3d01fec47"> Christine Kaestle, </a> a professor of developmental health at Virginia Tech who conducted the study.

Until recently, she says, researchers have mostly focused on just one of these dimensions in order to measure and categorize people. "That may oversimplify the situation," she says. An example seen in her study: Someone may self-identify as heterosexual while also reporting having relationships with same-sex partners.

So, let's say in college you dated guys, but after graduating and moving to a new city, you wanted to open things up a bit by swiping through women on Bumble. Guess what? Thats totally fine. And-as Kaestle's research confirmed-totally common.

<h1> Ah, so women move around the spectrum more than men do, right? </h1>

It may seem that way-especially in today's culture. But the notion that women bounce around more on the sexuality spectrum might be flawed.

A from The Journal of Sex and Research found that 84 percent of college-age women said they had fantasized about same-sex relationships, while only 51 percent of college-age men reported a same-sex fantasy.

But those findings dont necessarily correlate to reality, Greer says. (And, let's face it, the findings are kind of old.)

I think it seems that women are more fluid because they are more outspoken and demonstrative about it, she says. Leading the way? Celebrities, like <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a26446979/miley-cyrus-vanity-fair-queer-marriage-liam-hemsworth/" id="3e8a2b62-9cee-348d-a340-879aa7c3b09d"> Miley Cyrus </a> and <a href="https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/westwood-star-evan-rachel-wood-shares-details-her-bisexuality-at-lgbt-gala-972614" id="2704898a-d492-3568-a025-cd7f6940af47"> Evan Rachel Wood </a> , who have been super vocal about their sliding sexuality over recent years.

Men are likely as sexually fluid as women, but women talk more in general and are more demonstrative to start with," Greer explains. "That openness lets them express their sexuality and sexual fluidity.

But even with all the celeb endorsements in the world, living out a life that explores various ticks on the sexuality spectrum can be...scary.

So do yourself a favor and don't stress so much about what yours looks like. Just think about your sexuality as a series of boxes on a magical multiple-choice exam.

You can check off all of them (or leave them blank if you aren't sure). And there's no-I repeat, NO-wrong answer.

Confirmed: The 'Sexuality Spectrum' Totally Exists

Ive had to check a lot of boxes on many documents throughout my life (standardized tests, medical forms). All seemed normal, forgettable even. That is, until the day I visited a therapist in college and had to mark down my sexuality, in one of three choices-straight, gay, or <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/a22998344/what-does-bisexual-mean/" id="e4ab8763-834a-305c-a87b-bc7f8dfafd5b"> bisexual </a> . There was no "all of the above," no spectrum.

Okay, Okay—Does Sexuality Really Exist On A Spectrum?

But things have changed. Researchers-and savvy trainers-now view something called fascia as your secret weapon both in and out of the gym. If you take care of it, your body will perform better while youre working out and youll experience less pain overall. Fascia is one of the most important and pervasive systems, because it connects every system together, says Rebecca Pratt, Ph.D., a professor of anatomy at Oakland University.

If you've ever foam rolled, or if you use a <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/fitness/a27007501/massage-guns-recovery-warmup/" id="618f9b60-3805-33d8-a590-c7e7dd6ece02"> Theragun </a> , or if you've tried <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/fitness/a27422432/what-is-scraping-therapy/" id="4978fad4-f1d4-3857-ab94-325bddb7a2c4"> scraping therapy </a> , then you've been treating your fascia, even if you didn't realize it. But if you want to take that treatment to the next level and really eliminate muscle pain and soreness, then you need to know how your fascia works.

To understand how this critical tissue works, imagine an orange. The peel is your skin. Directly beneath that peel is a white, gauzelike substance that surrounds each orange wedge and ensures that the orange maintains its spherical structure. That gauzelike substance is your fascia, a connective wrap made of gelatinesque glycoproteins that soak up water, collagen, and various other cells. Its main job: to hold your muscles, joints, tendons, and bones in place.

Fascia covers every muscle in your body, and when it tightens in the wrong places, it causes pain. Youve felt this pain before, all those times you wrapped up a serious muscle sesh and could barely walk upstairs.

Much like a sport coat, the tissue surrounding your muscles can bunch, wrinkle, and stretch. And when it gets injured, it rebuilds as scar tissue, with fibers in a crisscrossing pattern. Fibers on healthy muscles and fascia all run in the same direction; when they crisscross, they bunch up even more and can pull and tug at joints.

<h1> Six Problems You Can Fix With Fascia </h1>

Man rolling on foam roller at health club

Theres a good chance youve experienced this before, too, and you may have solved it with the most common method of realigning these fibers: foam-rolling. Doing so properly helps loosen damaged areas, relaxing and smoothing them. Take your fascial care to the next level with these strategies.

How Fascia's Involved: Blame your desk job: That stabbing pain at your temples is often related to cranky neck fascia. When your head and shoulders shift forward instead of staying aligned with your spine, the muscles (and the fascia around them) at the base of your head tighten, while the ones that control your shoulders grow weak. Your pectoral fibers also tighten, pulling your shoulders further forward. The combo in this sensitive area leads to tension headaches.

Your Move: Strengthen your shoulder and back muscles and open your chest all at once with seated rows. Aim to do 3 sets of 12 at least 3 times a week.

How Fascia's Involved: Contrary to what your body tells you some days, your days as a terrific athlete may not be long gone. But some days, they certainly feel like they're gone, mostly because you haven't trained your fascia. Researchers recently discovered that fascial tissue stores more kinetic energy than any other type of tissue. In fact, the springiness of fascia (not powerfully muscled calves) is the driving force that allows kangaroos to make 30-foot leaps. Because of this relationship, experts think plyometrics training makes your fascia more durable and resilient by increasing its density.

Your Move: Forget fixing your fascia and actually strengthen it. Three times a week, spend up to 5 minutes doing agility ladder drills. Dont have a ladder? Do 3 sets of 10 to 20 jump squats.

How Fascia's Involved: Plantar fasciitis, or heel pain due to inflamed fascia in the sole of your foot, strikes 2 million people each year, especially runners. Its often due to calf tightness-or flat feet.

Your Move: Roll your feet over a lacrosse ball for a minute each, ideally every day. In addition to that, foam-roll your calves for up to 5 minutes each.

How Fascia's Involved: Where your thoracic (middle) and lumbar (lower) spine meet is a nightmare zone. Restricted fascia anywhere-particularly in your hamstrings or quads-can pull on the fascia here. If you work a desk job, it likely means trouble in your psoas, a muscle in your hip flexors that lets you lift your knee and is vital to core strength.

Your Move: Because its located so deep in your pelvic region, releasing the psoas is challenging. Stretch your hip flexors (try pigeon pose), and foam-roll your hamstrings at least twice a week.

How Fascia's Involved: After surgery or a severe injury, your body forms collagen-based scar tissue that can replace healthy fascia. The problem: Normal tissue fibers line up parallel to one another. Scar tissue develops in a haphazard way, limiting your muscles ability to lengthen and contract.

Your Move: Once the damaged area has healed, begin gentle massage techniques, like gliding the skin forward and back, then side to side, for several minutes a few times a day, realigning fascial fibers.

How Fascia's Involved: Tightness in muscles and surrounding fascia can cause joints to stiffen, making your body move in ways that can create long-term issues. An example: Tight calves reduce your toes ability to flex toward your shin, changing your gait.

Your Move: Foam-roll or stretch any tense area right after each workout, since your muscles respond best when warm. Try to do three 30-second standing calf stretches (legs straight, heels down) daily.

For years, scientists researching pain, movement, and recovery had no interest in the weblike tissue known as fascia, which coats your muscles, nerves, and organs.

Everything You Need To Know About Fascia

While there are no known reports of Ted Bundy seeing an actual therapist-that is, until the court required a psychiatric evaluation by <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Violent-Mind-Psychological-Assessment-Development/dp/0998297372" id="0548bdc5-a6b8-3c15-af7e-807dba250e07"> Al Carlisle, PhD </a> , to determine his aptitude for violence-psychology experts have studied the infamous rapist and murderer for decades.

What's fascinated them most? His ability to carry on a double life-i.e., having a long-term relationship, attending college, building a political career, all while secretly carrying out brutal and unthinkable crimes.

Here's exactly which mental health disorders experts have speculated that Bundy may have had over the years:

<h1> Antisocial Personality Disorder </h1>

A <a href="http://samppl.psych.purdue.edu/~dbsamuel/Samuel%20&amp;%20Widiger%20(2007)%20DIV42.pdf" id="fdad347d-e036-38e0-af19-14ad5e80dd8e"> group of 73 psychologists </a> got together with the University of Kentucky to study Ted Bundy's mental health in 2007, and almost all of them agreed he had antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). In fact, nearly 80 percent of the team believed Bundy was a prototype (a perfect example) of the disorder, checking off all of its criteria outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (a.k.a. DSM-5, a.k.a. the psychologist's bible).

Ted Bundy, not looking at all remorseful, after being charged with the murders of two Florida State University students.

According to the <a href="http://www.psi.uba.ar/academica/carrerasdegrado/psicologia/sitios_catedras/practicas_profesionales/820_clinica_tr_personalidad_psicosis/material/dsm.pdf" id="b4487e8d-02e4-33f3-a8cb-542666fa4ed6"> American Psychiatric Association </a> , symptoms of ASPD include:

<ul><li> Egocentrism </li><li> Acting on personal gratification (as opposed to the law and societal norms) </li><li> Lacking empathy and remorse </li><li> Incapacity to maintain mutually intimate relationships (often using coercion and intimidation to control others) </li><li> Antagonism (manipulative, deceitful, callous, and hostile) </li><li> "Disinhibition" (irresponsible, compulsive, and risk-taking) </li></ul>

Nope, it's not the same thing as antisocial personality disorder, though psychopathy does fall under its umbrella. (That means all psychopaths also have ASPD, but not all people with ASPD are psychopaths.) Whereas ASPD covers a lot of the same behavioral traits-like a tendency to ignore the law-psychopathy better details the subject's personality.

I am the most cold-hearted son of a bitch you will ever meet.\" -Ted Bundy

Hervey Cleckley, a psychologist who more or less pioneered the concept of a psychopath, defined one with the "Psychopathy Checklist." That includes: superficial charm, untruthfulness and insincerity, lack of nervousness, inadequately motivated antisocial behavior, pathological egocentricity, lack of remorse and shame, an inability to follow a life plan, and more.

According to clinical and forensic psychologist <a href="http://www.turnerforensicpsychology.com/" id="7488a496-9fad-3b1e-a3c1-2831d3fc6290"> Darrel Turner </a> , PhD, Ted Bundy is basically the textbook definition of a "prototypical" psychopath.

"There are certain traits that we tend to see: a lack of empathy and being out for ones own interest even though the interests of other people get trampled under foot," Turner <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/health/a27354040/ted-bundy-movie-suicide-hotline-forensic-psychologist/" id="9afb8a1f-0d18-3c97-ab4f-4c12eca1305b"> recently told </a> <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/health/a27354040/ted-bundy-movie-suicide-hotline-forensic-psychologist/" id="36332bbc-fcc6-3c50-a9a9-e6f912d8a913"> WH </a> . "But with Bundy, we do see a lot of the other traits of psychopathy, like the pathological lying and the being very superficially charming."

It'd be hard, if not impossible, to argue that Bundy, who used his charm to lure women into his car and even capture fans in court, who brutally killed at least 30 women, who bounced from college to college and never finished law school (his murder spree inevitably got in the way), didn't show some psychopathic tendencies.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

About 95 percent of the psychologists in the University of Kentucky study believed that Ted Bundy also showed signs of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), which is defined by the following traits in DSM-5:

<ul><li> Excessive reference to others for self-esteem regulating and/or goal setting based on others' approval </li><li> Impaired ability to recognize the needs and emotions of others </li><li> Largely superficial relationships that exist for self-esteem regulation or personal gain </li><li> Feelings of entitlement and superiority </li><li> Excessive attempts to attract attention from others </li><li> Admiration seeking </li></ul>

For someone to qualify as having NPD, they have to have at least five of those nine qualities. Clearly, the University of Kentucky team believed that he checked off that many (if not more).

Dorothy O. Lewis, MD, a psychiatrist from the New York University Medical Center who specialized in evaluating violent offenders, tried to save Bundy (and other criminals) from death row. Her argument: Bundy suffered from bipolar personality disorder, a mental illness characterized mainly by extreme mood swings.

Ted Bundy looking rather happy as he enters court with legal files in hand.

According to the Salt Lake City newspaper Deseret News, an investigator had told Lewis that in the middle of a normal conversation, Bundy suddenly "became weird on me . . . did a metamorphosis, a bit of a body and facial change, and . . . almost an odor emitted from him." Lewis reportedly noted that he could "switch from euphoria and compulsive talking to anger followed by long periods of sullen silence," and showed examples of a wide range of Bundy's doodles.

Whether he was actually bipolar or not didn't matter-Lewis's attempt failed, as Bundy's appeal was denied, ultimately resulting in his execution on January 24, 1989.

<h1> Borderline Personality Disorder </h1>

The majority of that same group of experts in the University of Kentucky study said that Bundy was "above the diagnostic threshold for borderline," a personality disorder that affects anywhere from 2 to 6 percent of the U.S. population (usually women, btw), according to the <a href="https://www.nami.org/Learn-More/Mental-Health-Conditions/Borderline-Personality-Disorder" id="e5f4e88f-7957-3679-aac0-23885cf82040"> National Alliance on Mental Illness </a> (NAMI).

Ted Bundy looking bored as attorneys talk details during the pretrial preceding his double-murder trial in Florida.

A person with borderline personality disorder (BPD) typically has unstable personal relationships (swinging from one extreme to another), acts impulsively, behaves in self-harming ways, goes through periods of intense depression, becomes suddenly bored, and experiences changes in self-image (sometimes positive, sometimes negative), per NAMI. People with BPD tend to feel emotions intensely-which may be why not all of the psychologists felt Bundy fell into this category of mental-health illnesses.

More than 50 percent of the psychologists in the University of Kentucky study also labeled Bundy as having schizoid personality disorder (SPD), which you can think of as antisocial personality disorder to the extreme. Someone with SPD "has a lifelong pattern of indifference to others and social isolation," according to the <a href="https://medlineplus.gov/ency/article/000920.htm" id="60335842-57c7-3219-ad6c-1fd339453ab3"> U.S. National Library of Medicine </a> .

Even though SPD sounds a lot like schizophrenia, they're quite different: A person with SPD is in touch with reality and makes sense when they speak-which Bundy, as educated as he was, certainly did-while schizophrenia involves delusions, hallucinations, and disorganized speech, per DSM-5.

Ted Bundy watching intently in court, where he consistently appeared confident despite having committed at least 30 murders.

It's possible that the psychologists who attributed schizoid to Bundy may have done so because of his inability to show express emotion and act appropriately to situations (for example: his acting overly confident in court), as well as his loner tendencies. But another key symptom of schizoid is a lack of interest in sexual relationships, which clearly, as a serial rapist, didn't apply to Bundy.

Okay, your call on this one. In 1989, the night before his execution, Bundy had an <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NWfys7q4x4" id="1380fc55-4b0a-3c03-a2e5-df89da79def9"> interview </a> with psychologist James Dobson, Ph.D., during which he diagnosed himself as a porn addict.

While you won't find porn addiction in the DSM, a lot of psych experts talk about <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5328289/" id="7c6ded4f-5dcb-3e40-abda-4440357e1fe6"> addictive disorder </a> to describe someone who needs a specific substance or behavior to ease anxiety or depression and feels some sort of "high" when they do.

"The most damaging kinds of pornography, and again I'm talking from personal experience, hard real personal experience, are those that involve violence and sexual violence. Because the wedding of those two forces, as I know only too well, brings about behavior that is just too terrible to describe," Bundy said.

He continued: "Once you become addicted to it, and I look as this as a kind of addiction, like other kinds of addiction, you would, I would, keep looking for more potent, more explicit, more graphic kinds of material. Like an addiction, you keep craving something that is harder, harder. Which gives you a greater sense of excitement, until you reach the point where the pornography only goes so far. You reach that jumping off point, where you wonder if only actually doing it will give you that which is beyond just reading about it or looking at it."

During one super interesting <a href="https://psychiatrypodcast.com/psychiatry-psychotherapy-podcast/2019/2/5/the-dark-triad-psychopathy-narcissism-machiavellianism-sexually-violent-predators-ted-bundy-and-porn" id="4ccf1581-4a45-338f-abfd-214fde55a4cc"> Psychiatry &amp; Psychiatry Podcast </a> called "Ted Bundy: The Dark Triad," several experts noted that the serial killer showed signs of an extreme form of narcissism, called Machiavellianism.

The personality trait, named after a Renaissance Italian political philosopher named Niccol Machiavelli, describes someone who will deceive and exploit others in order to achieve their personal goals.

"They see people as objects for use and manipulation," the podcasters said. "They will have normal amounts of empathy unless they have traits of psychopathy"-which, of course, you know by now that Bundy definitely had.

Netflix's movie starring Zac Efron as Ted Bundy started streaming Friday, May 3. If you haven't watched it yet, get ready to see some of these disorders come to life on your TV screen.

Ted Bundy's Long List Of Mental Health Disorders

It goes without saying that there is something majorly wrong with someone who has the capacity to commit murder. In the case of serial killer Ted Bundy, who's recently recaptured nationwide attention 30 years after his execution, there were, well, many things wrong with him.

So, Exactly Which Mental Health Disorders Did Ted Bundy Have, Anyway?

It's been just over a year since <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/health/a21070230/abby-lee-miller-cancer-update/" id="eea937e5-3b7f-3313-a6ba-236b9aa5849a"> Abby Lee Miller had emergency spinal surgery </a> and was diagnosed with Burkitt lymphoma, a rare form of cancer-and she took to Instagram Tuesday to share how far she's come.

The Dance Moms star posted a throwback video to Instagram of when she finished up her first round of chemotherapy (Abby would go on to have nine more rounds of chemo after that first one). In the video, she and her nurse are cheering excitedly.

"You're all done with chemo! Woo!" her nurse shouted while clapping. Abby responded, "Woooo!" then, "I feel wonderful! Yaaay!"

<a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bw5D1HzgZno/" id="c3f909d9-aafa-3cda-a16c-392291cd3b42"> View this post on Instagram </a> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bw5D1HzgZno/" id="d2bc09a4-4c1a-3de2-a072-6ebffead115f"> Looking back on a year ago today - I seem thrilled to have finished my very first round of a 6 day Intensive chemo therapy cocktail complete with a spinal tap! I cant believe Im smiling it was quite a different story after nine more rounds of poison shooting through my veins! #abbyleemiller #dancemoms </a> A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/therealabbylee/" id="c3b798b7-adc0-3dff-afed-ea1093dbe0dd"> Abby Lee Miller </a> (@therealabbylee) on Apr 30, 2019 at 12:48pm PDT

But in her caption attached to her throwback video, Abby was much less enthusiastic, and understandably so.

Marissa Gainsburg

Articles written by the author

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