7 ways to recognize if you are in a toxic relationship, according to a therapist

Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and mental strength coach, says that even though you may love your partner, sometimes two people simply aren't a match, and being together can be toxic.
If you fight often and are disrespectful towards each other, or are too codependent and need constant validation, your relationship probably isn't very healthy.
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Being quarantined with a partner can give you an opportunity to learn a lot about yourself, your partner, and the state of the relationship.

amy morin psychotherapist Courtesy of Amy Morin

And while there's often a lot of talk about "toxic people," the truth is that sometimes relationships are just toxic. Two good people might create a toxic environment for one reason or another.

Maybe each of your past hurts resemble one another's too muchand you both constantly relive that pain. Or maybe you two struggle with similar insecurities, and thus you always seem to have the exact same disagreements.

This doesn't mean either of you is a bad person. It may just mean you aren't in the right relationship at the right time because together you create a toxic environment. Here are seven ways to recognize if you're in a toxic relationship.

1. You bring out the worst in each other

Whether your partner seems to draw out your negative attitude, or you manage to zap your partner's motivation, you both have a big influence on one another. And it's important to be with someone who challenges you to be your best, not someone who brings out the worst in you.

2. Your self-confidence plummets

Your self-worth should never depend on someone else. But if you're in a toxic relationship, you might feel insecure all the time. Whether you think you aren't good enough, or your partner criticizes your way of doing things, the relationship shouldn't take a toll on your self-confidence.

3. You seek constant reassurance

If you feel the need to constantly ask, "Is this OK?" or "Do you still love me?" it's a sign something in the relationship is broken. It's important to be OK with yourself enough to not need your partner's approval on everything. It's also important that you trust your partner still cares about you even when you have a disagreement or are going through a rough patch.

4. You abandon your own needs, goals, and feelings

Setting aside your needs, giving up on your goals, or always putting your partner's feelings ahead of your own will cause you to lose sight of yourself. You may grow bitter and resentful toward your partner, or you might grow bored with a life that is no longer your own.

5. You compromise your values

While you might try to convince yourself the things you once valued (education, hard work, spiritual beliefs, family, etc.) no longer matter, compromising your values for someone else never works out in the long run. If you find yourself changing just to fit in someone else's life, your relationship is likely toxic.

6. The strain takes a toll on other areas of your life

A toxic relationship will quickly take a toll on other areas of your life. Your friendships could be strained. You might struggle to stay productive at work. Or your finances may even take a hit. These problems can be long-lasting and could even get worse over time.

7. You hurt one another over and over again

While you're bound to hurt one another sometimes, hurting one another repeatedly (and sometimes on purpose) is a surefire sign of a toxic relationship. Whether you make hurtful comments, or you constantly bring up a past transgression, hurting each other isn't healthy.

Move on or stay together?

When both individuals want to work on becoming better versions of themselves, toxic relationships can be repaired. However, this usually requires a little professional help. Objective feedback from a therapist can be key to helping each partner recognize how to create positive change.

You might also decide that the damage is irreparable and it's best to move on. If this is the case, you can choose to look for someone else who will bring out the best in you and support your efforts to reach your greatest potential.

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