How you hurt yourself by accepting apologies for the same relationship mistakes

All relationships have difficult moments, times when partners feel hurt, disappointed, or frustrated with one another. It is impossible to have any form of relationship with anyone without going through this phase at different points of the union.

Typically, apologies would take away many of these problems until apologies are no longer enough.

When apologies become useless

Having a partner who recognizes when they are wrong is a good thing. It is even better when they do not just accept their wrongs, but go the extra mile to apologise like decent humans. It is not uncommon to [inadvertently] hurt the people one cares about, to do things that’d make them unhappy and annoyed. Accepting responsibilities for these actions and letting them know the extent of one’s remorse are the important things that could either ensure the continuous being of the relationship or its breakdown.

No one wants a partner who never apologises when they're wrong. No one. [Credit AK Accelerator] Pulse Nigeria

What’s more important than these is having the desire and putting in the required effort to actually rectify one’s mistakes and to do all within one’s capabilities to ensure that the hurtful actions do not happen again.

Without this, remorse and apologies do not count for much.

Why your partner apologizes for the same mistakes

Sometimes people only say ‘I am sorry’ to just dissipate tension, and not necessarily because they mean it. So it may be necessary to ask him or her if they really know what they did to hurt you and if they understand why it hurt you. Until your partner realises the reason why a certain action is wrong by you, they may keep doing it and have to keep apologising for it.

So you have to communicate with your partner. Let them know how you feel about the issue at hand, and ask how they feel about same issue, too. His or her repetition of a certain action could be because they honestly believe that that is how that thing should be done.

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Until this difference in your thought processes is first sorted out, not much is likely to change. A refusal to hold this [awkward?] necessary conversation is to set yourself up for repeated but avoidable squabbles.

Until you have spoken with your partner about how things affect you, you cannot clam that they do not take you serious enough to do right by you. [Source: Cassiius Life] Pulse Nigeria

Disrespect

Sometimes, your partner does things to just spite you - out of resentment, disrespect or anger at what you did to them.

And it is understandable – in the heat of passion, people have been known to say several things that they really do not mean, things they’d later be apologetic for.

In this case, you should ask yourself, how regularly does this happen? How often do you have those bitter fights that degenerates to hostile name calling and terrible words being spat at each other? The answer to this could be all you need on whether to continue the relationship, let it go or redirect it to a happier place.

Instead of constantly accepting apologies for something you know they’d do again; instead of letting them offer a ‘sorry’ that does not really reflect their true feelings, why not just be honest enough to let them go?

Instead of having to always go through the stop-start motion of apologies and mending fractures in your relationship, why not just let it go? [Credit: Blackcity girl] Pulse Nigeria

Refusing to face this truth means you willfully put yourself in a limbo - knowing your partner will mess up again, but not knowing when it'll be. The only surprise is in the time of the hurtful action and the severity of it this time. You know you won't surprised if they do the same thing again. The same thing they've apologised for so many times.

Letting a partner get away with treating you this way also shows a sort of mental fragility. Take a stand and let them see reason why their actions need to change or get the boot. If they won't act right by you, speak out instead of keeping mute and letting the disrespect fester.

Afterall, what is a relationship if partners can’t let each other know how they really feel about stuff?