How to spot a potential abuser

In the wake of rising spousal murders and abuse cases, being aware of these signs can be crucial.

1. Controlling Behavior: You may find yourself having to ask for permission to step out and not being able to make crucial decisions for yourself.

All your life plans need to be approved by them including what you even eat or wear.

In the beginning, it may seem that they are caring and sweet but it can escalate quickly.

2. Isolation: Before you realize it, they are the only friend you have. They do well to push all your friends away.

They do this so you have no one to fall back on when you need them.

They become all you have and that’s why when they start abusing you, you find it hard to walk away.

3. Jealousy and Possessiveness: Though it’s normal for a person who loves to be a little jealous.

Abusers show extreme signs of jealousy and try to act like they own you.

They stop you from talking to friends and constantly accuse you of cheating.

4. Verbal and Emotional Abuse: Watch for consistent belittling, insulting, or demeaning comments.

Emotional abuse can be as damaging as physical abuse and is often a precursor.

5. Threats and Intimidation: Abusers may use threats of violence or harm to control their partner.

This can include breaking or destroying belongings.

6. Mood Swings: Frequent and extreme mood swings, especially when combined with violent outbursts, can be a sign of potential abusive behavior.

One minute they are all lovey-dovey with you the next they are yelling at you like you are the worst to exist on earth.

You find yourself walking on eggshells around them because the slightest thing triggers them.

7. Blame-Shifting: Instead of accepting their fault they turn it on you and blame you instead.

They are never wrong and when they go wrong then it is your fault.

8. Previous Violent Behavior: If someone has a history of violent behavior, it's essential to consider this as a warning sign.

Don’t just date someone because you like them, always investigate and know something about them before you commit.

9. Substance Abuse: Substance abuse can contribute to violent tendencies.

While not all individuals who abuse substances are abusers, it can be a contributing factor.

So yes watch out for alcoholics and drug abusers but don’t generalize them as abusive.

10. Disregard for Boundaries: If they take what they want from you by force and exhibit a lack of respect for personal boundaries this could be a red flag.

In every relationship consent and mutual respect is key.

11. Rapid Escalation: If conflicts tend to escalate quickly and violently, it's essential to address this behavior before it worsens.

12. Isolation from Support Networks: Abusers may try to keep their partner from seeking help or support from friends, family, or professionals.

13. Unpredictability: You can never tell what they will do next. Watch for unpredictable behavior or explosive anger that seems disproportionate to the situation.

14. History of Abusing Others: Individuals with a history of abusing others, whether physically or emotionally, should be approached cautiously.

15. Lack of Empathy: An inability to empathize with their partner's feelings or experiences can indicate a lack of emotional connection and potential for abuse.

While these signs can be indicative of potential abusive behavior, they do not guarantee that someone will become an abuser.

However, it’s important to be on guard so you don’t fall victim to these schemes.