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In some cultures, it is expected that once you marry into a family, the kith and kin become your responsibility. You are to serve them, fund their lives, and never complain.
It does not have to be this way. With a little planning, you can put a stop to it, reclaim your freedom, and start living your life.
Check below for some tips:
- Talk to your spouse
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It is important that you have your spouse on your side. Speak freely and honestly about the effect that the in-laws are having on your relationship and your family. Pick a good time to broach the subject. Do not use the behaviour of in-laws as a chance to get back at your spouse. The goal is to have your spouse in your corner because you will need all the help you can get.
- Commit to specific obligations
The nature of exploitative in-laws is that they start with one request. If you accede to the request, they demand a bit more. This hunting game goes on. You yield more and more until finally, you are being ruled. Of course, you cannot say “no” to all requests all the time. However, when you consider something to be a fair request, be sure to make clear the boundaries.
- Reduce contact
Families should be close, right? Yes, they should be close but that does not mean face to face interactions daily is necessary or even helpful. Sometimes distance helps. If in-laws are always in your face, they will drive you up the wall. You must still interact with them but if every Sunday evening dinner you have to encounter their sniggers, their back-biting and denigrations, maybe it is time you made this dinner a monthly affair.
- Address issues head-on with the ringleader
Sometimes it feels as if all your in-laws have ganged up on you. Rarely is that true. There is possibly one member of the family who gives the impression that bullying is Ok. You need to identify the person and have a heart-to-heart talk. Be assertive and stand your ground. Demand to be treated with respect, if for no other reason because you are human. It would help if this talk is held with your spouse present.
Some people are lucky to have in-laws who are considerate, kind, and respectful. However, some in-laws are exploitative, manipulative, and downright life-sucking.