Catching your partner in the act of infidelity is a crushing blow and one that’s not easy to get over.

Sometimes fear, anger, hurt, or a desire for revenge compel you to do things you later regret.

Regardless of whether you decide to leave your partner or stay with them and try to work things out, doing the wrong thing at the outset can make a bad situation worse.

Here are 5 things you shouldn’t do when confronting a cheater:

  • Asking for all the details

When someone violates a monogamy agreement, there is often a strong desire to know every detail of the transgression.

The details just make everything more vivid and distressing. You will begin to wonder some unnecessary things that will hurt you more.

  • Reacting immediately

The moment you find out your partner has been cheating, you are likely to be filled with rage. But that’s not going to help you communicate.

Before the confrontation, you need to take time and map it out. The more prepared you are, the better it will go

  • Comparing yourself to the other person

This is a natural response, but it’s one you have to resist in order to cope with the problem at hand.

Comparing yourself to the person your partner cheated with will only make you feel worse. It is unproductive and would only serve to bring your mood down further.

  • Offering instant forgiveness

After being betrayed, you might be quick to want the relationship to get back to normal.

Unfortunately, when you do not take time out to process what has happened, you may offer forgiveness while being unable to forgive. As time goes on, you will discover that no matter how much contrition your partner shows or effort they make to be transparent to earn your trust, it’s not enough.

  • Engaging in denial

It might be hard for some to believe, but turning a blind eye to an affair is a dangerous one.

It’s already bad that you know your partner’s cheating on you. What’s worse is when you’ve already caught him in the act and you don’t call him out for it just because you love him so much, and you don’t want to lose him.