"He's only with his wife because he sees her as a sex object"

She practically does everything at home- rent, school fees and other financial obligations because most of the time her husbands complains of not having money since he is a business man


Hi Bukky,

I have a friend who is currently online dating  a guy she met online who is married with children. She is married with three children and a 4th on the way.

She has complained to me severally about her husband and his attitude towards her but I have always told her that its a storm that will pass over but she said recently the husband told her he married for sex because he didn't want to have sex outside marriage and that she turns him on sexually even in her present condition and says some women do not get that much sex from their husbands even when they are nude in front of the man so she should be grateful.

This has made her withdrawn and feel she is nothing other than a sex object for him and is almost making her lose her self esteem even though she is a high professional in the oil and gas sector.


She practically does everything at home- rent, school fees and other financial obligations because most of the time her husbands complains of not having money since he is a business man.

 She said she has not really met the online guy in person but they chat and he calls her almost everyday to check on her about her condition(she is about 8 months pregnant), prays with her and makes her feel on top of the world.

She wants to know how to get out of this situation because she is beginning to love the online guy and wants to chat or talk with him on phone at the slightest opportunity she gets because the online guy professes to love her and even encourages her about the issues in her marriage.

I really want sincere advice for my friend because I don't want to see her marriage breaking up.

Help My Friend.


Warm Wishes,



Hello Faith,

I really appreciate you sharing your concerns with me. It's rare to find a friend who cares like a sibling.


From your description in the mail, I think your friend is being emotionally and verbally abused by her husband which could transcend to being physical if caution is taken.

Her current state of emotional neglect is one of the reasons she seeks companionship outside her marriage. She obviously doesn't communicate with her husband and her marriage is strained because of it.

You should let her know that she solace she seeks for in another man is temporary and the reality is that she has three kids and a distant husband whom she has to settle issues with before she can have a happy home.

Unless she has tried every means to be happy once again with her husband, walking away from her marriage isn't an option. As a mother, she has three children and a fourth one to consider because they'll be in the middle of a marital dispute if she files for divorce.

Secondly, the grass is never greener on the other side if you understand what I mean. Online dating is a risky business because you have no idea what your partner is up to. You should tell her to tread with caution and not make hasty decisions by comparing her husband with the guy she met online. He may turn out to be a trickster in the end and that would be more disastrous to her life.


If her husband refuses to listen to her, it's better she contacts a therapist who'll tell her the next step to follow.

I wish you both the best.


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Yours truly!


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