This is the one question we need to stop asking childless couples

The intrusiveness of the Nigerian culture makes it so common place, and absurdly acceptable, for people to poke their noses into situations they have no business being concerned about, and getting involved in conversations that are not theirs to initiate or even air an opinion about.

Aren’t we all so used to seeing it? The old ladies at the market place who want to help you adjust your off-shoulder dress as if they know better than the maker of the design or you the wearer of it.

The women on the street who think it’s OK to just stretch out their hands to help you hide your bra strap peeping out from under your shirt are also emblematic of this intrusive tendencies that has somehow become ingrained in our ways.

Black-Couple-Fighting(Ebony) Pulse Live Kenya

No one perhaps feels this nosiness more than a childless married couple.

When two people get married, the supposed natural progression is that a child, a product of that love, will follow in a fairly reasonable manner, in anywhere from a few months to possibly a year.

Soon enough, everyone’s attention becomes focused on the belly of the new wife; from close relatives of the husband’s, to friends of the couple, church members, neighbours, their gate man, the food vendor that occasionally brings food to the couple’s house…

I hope you see where I am going with this… the network of those who feel invested in what happens to a woman’s stomach after marriage just keeps swelling and it’s really mind-boggling.

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To be fair, this behavior is not limited to us Nigerians. And this ‘concern’ is also genuine some times, and comes from a place of true good wishes for the couple.

Because we still retain that communal, brother-sister feel to our coexistence as a people, it is unavoidable that such sentiments would still be visible.

The couple otherwise looks happy. They don’t fight, there’s no drama. Leave them alone (Credit - Courtesy) Pulse Live Kenya

However, without discrediting that, it still has to be said that boundaries need to be respected and this is not just with regards to a childless couples only – it is something that has to be learnt across board in all of our inter-personal relationships.

For this particular group of couples, we need to understand that comments and jokes and jibes and advice on the speed of their baby-making needs to be stayed away from.

This is something that needs to be actively learnt and imbibed because so many people do it and it kinda feels right because of the number of participants in the practice. But it is not right.

If you are not part of the couple’s immediate family and very intimate circle of friends, stay away from passing unnecessary comments, offering unsolicited advice or asking questions about their child-making process. Stop offering suggestive prayers to their faces too. If you are really concerned, pray for them in your closet. God answers from there too.

If a couple has been married for a while and have no kids yet, it’s either they are intentionally postponing the process or they’ve been unsuccessful in their attempts. [Credit - Shutterstock] Hoxton/Sam Edwards

And even for close friends and confidants, there is a limit to how far you can go with this sensitive talk, too.

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If a couple has been married for a while and have no kids yet, it’s either they are intentionally postponing the process or they’ve been unsuccessful in their attempts.

Whichever one of these is their reality, they deserve the respect of not having people bother them incessantly about their choice, or making their situation extra difficult to bear.

The couple otherwise looks happy. They don’t fight, there’s no drama. They’ve said they want to have kids. Why is it we always feel compelled to ask an awkward question or offer a tactless opinion?

As much as being a community is a good thing, there are still spaces that have to be respected, subjects that need to be kept away from. People’s privacy need to be respected.