While the ideal is for each partner to bring their 100% of commitment and effort to the relationship, on most occasions one partner may be doing much more than the other.
They may be leaving cute love messages on lunch packs, taking much of the financial burden and remembering every anniversary. Would you call yourself unlucky if you happen to be the one doing all the loving, investing more into the relationship than your partner? Maybe you should consider these faces of unequal relationships to be sure if you are really unlucky.
• In most relationship, there is often the beloved and the lover. One person may be keener on splashing the other with gifts, affection and time; he/she is the lover. The one who receives is the beloved. As long as this relationship works for the parties involved, and there is no exploitation or disrespect, there is very little need to undertake the ‘I’m loving them more than they are me’ exercise.
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• What if your partner’s less is actually their best? What exactly do you mean by less and who is the judge of ‘less’? It could be that you’re bigger on shows of affection, rescheduling your plans to make romantic dinners possible and buying the anniversary cake year after year. That your partner doesn’t go all out on doing some things you would rather have them do may not necessarily mean they love you less.
• Sometimes people feel unloved in relationships because they think they have found someone who is willing to be with them after searching and searching and searching for a meaningful relationship. Such people are in unequal relationships because they would rather have someone love them in part than to have no one love them at all? Insecurities can make some lovers give more than they ought because they get some fulfilment from such unhealthy forms of altruism.
• Does loving more and giving more give make you unhappy? Do you think your love is being taken for granted? Do you have the superpowers of a martyr to stay in a relationship that brings you no joy at all? Honest answers to these questions may give you some ideas on how you’re going to deal with your concerns about giving 100% and getting 30% in return.
Author is Dede Williams