10 things to know before getting hitched

Are you both willing to empower each other and help each other to pursue dreams and ambitions and develop your individual and collective identities?

Happy black couple

1. Who are you saying yes to?

Do you have a sound knowledge of your partner's attitudes, behavioural patterns, likes and dislikes, physical and mental health issues, if any, addictions, communicable diseases, past relationships that could impact the marriage at a later stage? Not knowing a person well enough may impact the relationship at a future stage.2. What are you saying yes to?Do you have a mature understanding of marriage and what it involves from you and your partner's socio-cultural and religious points of view? "Marriage is not just a certificate. There are social expectations involved and often couples don't visualise them.3 Why are you saying yes?

Are you making this decision freely and happily? Are you choosing this person because you want to?You should not do it just because all your friends are getting married or your parents want you to get married. Marriage is not for everyone. One may choose to remain single and yet be happy.4. Do you know the family that you are getting married into?

While the traditional joint family has become a rarer instance in urban India, a nuclear family can have atomic implications, if you don't do your homework. Have you done enough research into their values, traditions, spiritual and religious beliefs, socio-economic background, their expectations from you? If not, start right away. It's not always about loving the family, would so love us to believe.5. Have you discussed religion and religious ceremonies?

In case of inter-religious marriage, have you discussed important matters such as what religious ceremony will be performed and whether the partner's religion permits it? Will each partner be free to practise their respective religion after marriage or will there be a conversion expected from you? What religious upbringing will your children have?

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6. Have you discussed financial matters?

How will you share wedding expenses? Will you have joint or single accounts? Do you have an investment strategy, family budget? "We have noticed that financial matters are one of the most common reasons for marital problems. Questions like who will pay the loan, lack of transparency in investments and expenditure, and money being handled by either of the in-laws are points of contention.7. Do you have an accommodation plan?

Where do you plan to stay, both temporarily and in the long-term, after marriage? Will you be renting, buying or moving into your in-law's house? Will you have a nuclear or a joint family? With stressful work conditions and commute schedules in the city, it becomes extremely important for couples to have a consensus on accommodation.8. Have you discussed about the number of children you would like to have?

Would you consider adoption in case of infertility issues? What family planning methods do you propose to use and will this be a joint decision and responsibility? Marriage has to be an objective reality. At times a partner may be apprehensive about having children while the other partner may be keen. This is one of the very important decisions to make.9. Will this marriage help both of you to reach your fullest potential?Are you both willing to empower each other and help each other to pursue dreams and ambitions and develop your individual and collective identities? Often, a healthy separation is essential for partners to develop their career goals, suggesting that couples can also work out schedules that give each other freedom (to push one's career, ambitions, etc) -provided they respect the sanctity of marriage.10. Are you committed to making this marriage work?

Are there any circumstances under which either of you would consider a divorce? Would you be willing to getting specialised professional help if required to make your marriage work such as personal counselling, family therapy, according to timesofindia.


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