Relationship Talk With Bukky: Do I really have to tell my boyfriend that I've once been pregnant?

I'm confused; should I tell him the truth and stand the risk of losing my marriage-intended relationship?

Do I really have to tell my boyfriend that I've once been pregnant? [Credit: CreativeKenya]

Dear Bukky,

I’m writing this on behalf of a dear friend who is devastated and she really needs someone to talk to.

She had her one and only abortion at the age of 16 because she was naive and not prepared for it. Fast forward to present day, 12 years after, she's so in a very serious relationship which will definitely lead to marriage and her fiancé has asked her before if she has ever had an abortion before and she denied it jokingly.

But he asked on another occasion, and she was scared to talk but the guy sensed she had something to say about the subject but he didn't press further.


Now the question is - should she tell him the truth and stand the risk of losing the relationship or should she just keep quiet and let the guy find out himself?

Though ever since she has the abortion about 12 years ago, she never went to the hospital to check for anything because a month after she had the abortion, she started seeing her period again and she never had complications too even till date.

She's scared that maybe something isn't just right about her body since this issue is coming up at this time.

Thanks; I’m looking forward to your advice.



Dear reader,

I think your friend needs to tell her boyfriend the truth. Yes, it would be difficult, scary and would be a huge risk to take but it is the right thing to do.

If the relationship is going to lead to marriage as you say, then they want to go into it with all relevant details fully disclosed.

And while I believe that you are not meant to tell your partner everything about your past, sensitive and significant information as this, which could be later discovered in the relationship to devastating effects, is not one to be kept from one’s partner.

Your friend has to tell her fiance. It’s the only sensible way.


However I’ll advise that before she tells him, she should probably go to the hospital to see if every reproductive organ is intact and to get medical confirmation that she’s OK to conceive and give birth to babies. Because, let’s face it, that’s all this boils down to – the boyfriend’s need to be sure that nothing will interfere with childbirth in the marriage.

It’s tough, I understand, but one of the things about being an adult is living with, and taking full responsibility for all the choices we have made, good or not-so-good.

She has to tell him the truth about this part of her past.


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