Dear Bukky,

I need your help. I am married for three years plus with two boys. My husband stays out and sometimes sleeps out, and comes back the next day without remorse.

One day he went out from work and promised to buy some food stuff for the kids while coming back, only for him to come back the next day. I was so hurt that I started asking him where he was coming back from. He said I should never ask him that. I asked him for the baby food which he didn't even buy. We started exchanging words and ended up fighting. He almost strangled me to death that I told my parents out of anger and fear.

My elder sister was furious that she threatened him. He did not come home the next day even when the kids where sick it never bothered him. OK finally the issue was settled.

I had to go get family planning and in order to be able to have sex with him every two days because he loves sex. With all of this, this man is still withdrawn from me. I love him so much and already have two kids with him but with weaknesses like smoking, drinking and hanging out in the night to come back very late. I’m really confused and don’t know what to do.

__________________

Dear reader,

There is only one thing that stands out in all of this and that is the fact that there is domestic violence in this marriage.

Domestic violence is not something to just sweep under the rug and pretend like it’s not happening. Every other thing that bothers you in this relationship should be second to this. None of your worries really should be as big as looking for a way out of this.

So, in my opinion, get that man to a marriage counselor or whatever that will ensure that he never lays his hands on you again. And I only say that because I don’t want you to throw in the towel without trying to salvage what’s left of the relationship.

If he keeps hitting you, then you have no business being in that marriage. Nothing should make you stay there. Not your kids, not to save face, not for any reason. Your life and well-being and continued existence is more important than any of that.

Please don’t underrate the domestic violence aspect of his behavior. Be bothered. Try to get help but most importantly don’t be scared or too afraid to get out.

Love your life. Save yourself.

_______________

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