Staying off premarital sex won’t make your relationship stronger or longer

There are two obvious camps when it comes to the issue of premarital sex: those for it and those against it – each camp holding to their beliefs because they honestly believe in its merits.

And there can be no right or wrong here. Each opinion, when it comes to people’s predisposition to premarital sex, sounds just logical and is worth believing in and holding on to.

For example, those who have no qualms with premarital sex often justify their position with reasons such as the need to ascertain sexual chemistry before marriage, and the need to ‘test the goods’ before ‘buying’ them and taking them home.

For some premarital sex is simply about sampling the act before committing to a lifetime with a partner. [Credit: Youtube] To ensure that the spark does not die in your sex life, taking turns to initiate is also a very good idea [Credit: Youtube] Pulse Nigeria

Of course, those who stand against premarital sex can argue and say that sexual chemistry can be determined without actually having sex, and that testing the goods before taking them home still does not guarantee that they will last.

For those who say premarital sex is unadvisable, their reasons are often rooted in religious beliefs and the fear of God, whose commandment forbids the act. At other times, it is said that when you engage in premarital sex, you give away marriage benefits to someone you are not married to, and of course this is not a sensible thing to do, according to proponents of this school of thought.

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They also say that when partners stay off sex until marriage, they have no other experience to compare the sex in their marriage to, and this is a good thing as it allows partners enjoy and grow into their sexuality without having someone’s previous performance as a template to work against.

Don't limit your understanding of relationship mechanisms to just premarital sex. [Credit AK Accelerator] My girlfriend never has my time [Credit AK Accelerator] Pulse Nigeria

While all of these opinions have their own merits and sound logical in their own ways, there is one that I could never wrap my head around, nor ever agree with – the idea that shunning premarital sex allows partners have a stronger relationship that actually lasts forever.

It’s actually straightforward; whether or not you had sex before marriage, if basic communication is missing, that marriage will fail, falter, crash and burn. Also, without other stuff such as trust, honesty and an earnest desire to actually make things work, your premarital chastity won’t count for much.

Relationship and marriage happiness is hinged on many things, not just on your decision to stay off premarital sex. [Credit PeopleImages Getty] The physical appearance is the only point of attraction. One thing that carries a relationship far is the level of emotional maturity present in both partners. [Credit: Getty Images] Pulse Nigeria

If this opinion that abstinence from premarital sex allows marriages last longer is to be believed, then the inference to be drawn from it would be that couples who had premarital sex don’t last long in marriage. Of course, that can’t be true. The things that make marriages fail are usually far more nuanced than this.

To place the strength of an eventual marriage on whether or not partners indulge or abstain from premarital sex is to take a simplistic approach to this marriage thing and that simply does not make sense.