Broke at Home, Generous Elsewhere: Why Some Men Fund Other Women, Neglect Their Families

“He told me he doesn’t have money.” Meanwhile, he just bought another woman an iPhone. If you’ve ever found yourself confused by this contradiction, you’re not alone. Many women have experienced it — the man who complains about hardship in the relationship but suddenly becomes financially generous when another woman is involved.

It hurts. Not just because of the money, but because of what the money represents: effort, priority, and value. While every situation is different, there are psychological, emotional, and relational dynamics that can explain this pattern.

There’s something about new attraction that makes some men behave like billionaires.When a man is trying to win someone over, he performs. He wants to look capable, responsible, and generous. The dinners are better. The transfers are quicker. The surprises are louder. It’s not always love.

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Sometimes it’s strategy. In the early stages, money becomes a tool to secure attention. But once comfort sets in at home, the urgency to impress fades. The mindset becomes: “She understands me.”And that’s where complacency begins.

In long-term relationships, familiarity can breed complacency. Some men unconsciously assume their partner will “understand” their financial limitations, even when they do not extend that same explanation to others.

They may think:

• "She knows I’m going through a lot.”

• “She will manage.”

• “She’s already mine.”

• Unfortunately, this mindset can lead to emotional neglect.

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Meanwhile, the “new” woman doesn’t know the struggles — and he doesn’t want her to know either. So he spends to maintain the illusion of stability and success. Sometimes, the partner becomes too comfortable — and unfortunately, taken for granted.

Spending money can be tied to ego. Providing financially can make some men feel powerful, admired, or respected. If a man feels unappreciated at home — whether real or perceived — he may seek validation elsewhere.

A new woman who praises his generosity may boost his self-esteem in ways he feels he lacks in his primary relationship.In this case, the spending becomes less about the woman and more about his need for validation.

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When emotional intimacy weakens in a relationship, financial generosity may decline as well. Some men associate giving with emotional attachment. If they feel disconnected, resentful, or misunderstood, they may withdraw financially as a form of emotional distancing — consciously or unconsciously. Meanwhile, with someone new, emotional energy is fresh, so spending feels easier.

Harsh, but true. If a man feels he’s no longer being admired, respected, or desired in his relationship, he may look for a space where he feels valued. In unhealthy dynamics, money becomes transactional. He spends where he feels celebrated.

Some men simply lack emotional maturity. They may enjoy the attention of multiple women and see financial spending as part of the “game.” In such cases, the behaviour is not about depth — it is about ego gratification and temporary pleasure.

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In some relationships, finances are not transparent. A partner may genuinely believe there is no money, only to later discover spending elsewhere. This can create deep trust issues, as financial honesty is closely tied to relationship security.

In healthy partnerships:

• Financial expectations are discussed openly.

• Both partners feel valued.

• Money is not used as punishment or control.

• Generosity reflects care, not performance.

• When actions consistently contradict words, it may be time for honest conversations about priorities, respect, and long-term intentions.

When a man spends freely on another woman but not on his partner, the issue is rarely just about money. It often signals deeper emotional, psychological, or relational imbalances. Money is a resource — but how it is used often reveals where the heart truly lies. However, consistent financial neglect combined with spending elsewhere is a red flag that should not be ignored.