For every one unconventional and/or small wedding you see, there are many more that would have happened, if couples really had their way. Sometimes it’s one person who desires a small ceremony, sometimes it is both of them. In any case, these wishes hardly become realized.

Why are young Nigerians not getting the lowkey wedding of their dreams?

The simple answer – parents.

“My mother keeps telling me that she attends weddings and participates in aso-ebi purchases because she knows I am going to get married one day, too, and she’d need people to come around and celebrate with her,” says Adaobi, a corp member in Lagos.

This response may have been given by only one person, but the purport of it is the reality of several young Nigerians who know that despite their desire to wed by the beach-side or in a garden with only 30 people in attendance, they will most likely end up in a noisy hall crammed full with well-dressed people they barely know, and enough food to feed a legion.

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Nigerian kids submit their wills to their parents when it comes to wedding matters because most times, it is these parents who pay for the ceremonies. This explains why it is widely said that the wedding is not for the couple… but for their parents.

ALSO READ:I attended a Yoruba ceremony alone; it was a bad move

What do you do when your wedding wish clashes with your parents’?

Phoebe Dami-Asolo, wedding counsellor and author of “Miss to Mrs” tells Pulse Weddings through an email interview that when faced with a situation like this, she advises brides to be calm and tactful about the whole thing.

“I always preach ‘peace’ to my brides. You want an intimate wedding but your parents want a big wedding, you can always come to a middle ground,” says the expert who has worked with over 100 brides-to-be.

“As a bride, ask yourself, who is sponsoring or contributing the most to this wedding? If it is your parents, then try to input their needs/requests into the wedding.

"'If you are really adamant, there are ways you can respectfully make them understand but causing a scene, being rude or arguing with your parents over a wedding is definitely not worth it,” Phoebe adds.

In her new book which can be purchased here, Phoebe takes brides-to-be on a journey, using her own wedding experience in 2016 to help other brides maneuver pits and mistakes that many brides wish someone told them before their big day.