The s*x conversation: How to talk about s*x with a new partner

Intimate relationships are built on communication and any form of prolonged sexual engagement with someone is an intimate relationship. This means that without honest communication, you are doing your relationship a disservice.

Problems with sex and sexual satisfaction can cause relationship and marital distress.

If you want to have good sex with a new partner, then you have to talk about sex. That goes for both relationships and one-night stands. Sure, some of your former partners may say you’re a sex god. But what worked for them, may not work for everyone. And chances are neither you nor your partner is a mind reader; even if you’re good with non-verbal cues, you may be missing out on more of your partner's wants, needs, and willingness than you’d imagine.

Unfortunately, talking about sex can feel awkward or scary for all too many people, whether in a one-off encounter or a long-term relationship, it can be an act of vulnerability. But trying these tips below might help you:

How to talk about sex with your partner

Here are some strategies for making conversations about sex easier for both of you.

Start slowly

Have a "soft start" to the conversation. Begin with your goal to feel closer and connected with your partner. Avoid blaming. Skip criticism, and focus on things you both can do to make your sex life more fulfilling.

Focus on intimacy

Remember that affection and intimacy are just as important as frequency.

Look into ways to build intimacy and feel more connected beyond intercourse, and talk about your needs for other types of affection and attention, too.

Skip the surprises

You should both be on the same page, so initiate these conversations before springing any surprises on your partner. Talk about what you both might enjoy and fantasies you have. If you do decide to introduce some of these into your relationship, research your options together.

Express yourself

Talk with one another about expectations, fears, desires, and concerns—and be honest. Share your innermost thoughts and feelings regarding your sexual relationship, and help your partner feel emotionally safe enough to do the same.

Talk often

The "sex talk" is not a one-time conversation; it should be an ongoing discussion and a normal part of your relationship. Needs and desires can change over time. Check in with your partner often.