4 horrible ways you hurt your partner...without talking

Couples communicate everyday not just with words but also body language, and certain moods can result to giving off vibes using body communication.

These body languages affect your relationships either positively or negatively as they send loud and clear messages to your significant other.

Bad vibes from you could put a strain in your relationship and may hurt it in the long run, they are not hard to recognise and most couples are guilty of cruel body languages.

Resmaa Menakem of YourTango, lists 4 ways you could be hurting your partner with your body language.

And what is the “thing” they want and need that you withhold? Why, your love, affection and attention, of course. Your withholding looks like this:

Your partner tries to tell you about his day, you listen briefly, then change the subject before he finishes.

Your partner asks to discuss something with you. You agree, but while she talks, you send texts, or surf the web, or check your e-mail or you interrupt the conversation to make or take a less-than-urgent phone call.

You pretend to pay attention, periodically saying “uh huh” and “okay.” But really you don’t give a rat’s ass about the conversation (what they’re trying to tell you) and you’re letting them know with your bored tone and indifferent questions such as, “Who are we talking about, again?”

You say the right words — “I’m sorry” or “That must really hurt” or “Go on, I’m listening” — but in a bored or uncommitted or uncaring tone.

You respond in an angry monotone, “Whatever. It doesn’t matter” or (the nastiest of all) “It’s fine.” Meanwhile, the vibe you send to them screams, Oh, I care, and it does matter — a lot. But right now I’m pissed as hell, so I’m going to pretend I don’t care and refuse to engage with you. You won’t be able to do anything about my anger. I’m going to make you FEEL it for awhile. Until I feel better, I will make YOU feel bad.

So, how can you improve the vibe in your relationship?

The truth is — we all send out positive and negative vibes, occasionally without fully realizing it. When I call attention to one of these four toxic patterns emerging between one of my couples in a therapy session, the guilty partner almost always says, "What?! I didn’t say anything!" and hopes that their partner will cave to them or take their side.

But, let’s be honest (more often than we’d like to admit), we’re perfectly aware that our “bad vibes” are wounding or seriously distressing the other person.

And you likely know that you’re hurting your partner, too!

In these instances, what often happens is that the other partner finally calls their lover out on this unfair behavior. They straighten their spine and speak their truth.

This can blow the relationship apart—or it can blow it open and create an opportunity for growth and transformation.

But positive change can’t occur until both partners acknowledge and commit to changing the way they energetically wound one another without words.

So, if you recognize yourself in this article, I challenge you to find the courage to change your own behavior before your partner calls you out on it (or walks away from you entirely).