The only trouble is that for all the times it might keep us alive, negativity bias also has a way of causing us a ton of unnecessary stress. The negativity bias gives us a warped view of the world, says John Tierney, who worked with Baumeister to coauthor the upcoming book The Power of Bad. We focus only on whats going wrong (in the present) and assume that it will keep going wrong (in the future). We despair, lose hope, and conclude that things wont change. As if that werent already bad enough, Twitter, Instagram, and other feeds hit us with crisis after crisis. But theres some hope: Through their research, Baumeister and Tierney have found real solutions that can help us fight our instincts and keep us out of a daily emotional funnel cloud.

Five to one. Thats the famous Gottman Ratio, a predictive formula showing that couples tend to stay together when they have five times as many positive experiences as negative ones. Baumeister thinks of it as a positivity ratio, and when it comes to your kids, your spouse, your underlings and bosses, he recommends aiming for a more attainable ratio of about four to one. For every negative comment you feel compelled to make, make four positive ones. Baumeister even believes that this four-to-one ratio applies to other aspects of your life. For instance, if youre having sex with your partner four times for every one argument (sex because of arguments probably doesnt count), then your relationship is likely positive.

Nostalgia used to be a dirty word. People prone to indulging in nostalgia were thought to be depressed or living in the past, says Tierney. But recent research has shown something else entirely. Far from keeping you down, nostalgiayearning for past positive events or relationshipscan actually pick you up. In one study, people who were prompted to think of an experience that made them long for the past before work reported feeling more motivated and therefore worked harder than those who were asked to think of an ordinary life event.

Another study even showed that people experiencing nostalgia judged a room to be warmer than those remembering an everyday event. Your move: Spend a moment before your workday begins to relive a special memory. Then extend the good vibes by writing down four keywords that best describe that memory.

You may not like tooting your own horn, but a proven way to combat negativity is to heighten positive experiences, and highlighting the positives gives them extra power. When something good happens, sharing that good news with people you care about makes it more important, gives it a bigger impact, and it helps you develop a bond with the person youre sharing with, explains Tierney. Pay attention to and celebrate other peoples victories, too. If they share good news with you, really hear it. A Thats great! /Amazing!/Tell me about it! ratchets up positivity. Even better if you put down your phone for the story and your response. On the flip side, you can also draw strength from negative experiences. Baumeister points to Shelley Taylors research on breast cancer patients. The surprising thing was that most of them ended up talking about it as a positive experience, he says. They saw it as an opportunity to make positive changes: to appreciate life, to focus on the present, to manage stress. One way to reframe is to think about what you can learn from a negative experience, not how it holds you back.

Why do you think youre a good relationship partner? Thats what Baumeister asks in his senior psych class at FSU. Many of his students list what they do well, saying that maybe being a good listener or a good sexual partner gives them an edge. Its good to be good. But what makes more impact, says Baumeister, is not doing the bad things. Because bad always outweighs good, what you do is less important than what you dont do. Sometimes that means holding your tongue, he adds, and putting a lid on the judging or curtness for minor infractions.

For the majority of us, our greatest negativity is behind usin our tendency to dwell on past mistakes and regrets, according to Baumeisters current research. The future also carries negativity: stress about outcomes and potential failures. The present, however, is something of a golden mean, a place away from all that. The mindfulness people are right, Baumeister says. Keep your attention focused on the here and now. Catch yourself regretting the past? Bring yourself back to now. Worrying about tomorrow/next month/dinner tonight? Bring yourself back to now. If thats too hard, just write down one thing youre grateful for every day. That pushes away the negative and lets the positive flow in.