5 ways to tell your child may be experiencing sexual abuse, and what you should do

Childhood should be a time of innocence and joy, a right every child deserves. Yet, this fundamental right is being stolen by the silent epidemic of child sexual abuse.

The tragic stories of 13-year-old Ochanya Ogbanje in Nigeria, who died from complications of prolonged abuse, and 16-year-old Ransford in Ghana, assaulted by a trusted coach, are heartbreaking reminders that this is not a distant threat. These are preventable tragedies.

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Often, children are too frightened, ashamed, or confused to speak the words. It falls to us parents, guardians, teachers, and community members to hear what they cannot say. The signs are often subtle: a behavioral shift, an emotional withdrawal, a sudden fear. Paying attention to these small changes isn't just care; it is a lifeline. Our vigilance can be the shield that protects them. Let's break the silence and protect our children.

Here are key warning signs to look out for, and what you can do if you suspect a child is being abused.

1. Sudden Change in Behaviour

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One of the earliest warning signs of sexual abuse is a sudden and unexplained change in a child’s personality or behavior. A once cheerful, playful child may become withdrawn, quiet, or unusually moody. They may start avoiding eye contact, lose interest in activities they once enjoyed, or show frequent sadness or irritability.

These shifts often reflect deep emotional distress caused by trauma. Parents and guardians should pay attention to these changes rather than dismissing them as “normal mood swings.” A gentle conversation, paired with professional help, could reveal underlying pain before it’s too late.

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2. Nightmares or Trouble Sleeping

Children who have gone through sexual abuse often experience recurring nightmares, fear of the dark, or a sudden refusal to sleep alone.Such disturbances usually stem from anxiety and flashbacks related to the abuse. A child’s nighttime fears can sometimes be their mind’s way of reliving a painful experience they cannot express verbally.

3. Fear Around Specific People or Places

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A sudden fear or refusal to go somewhere or to be left alone with a certain person should not be ignored. It could mean that the child feels unsafe with that individual and it could signal abuse.

Children may not have the words to explain what happened, but their fear speaks volumes. When a child’s reaction to someone changes drastically, adults should listen, observe closely, and never force the child into contact with that individual again until the matter is investigated.

4. Unexplained Injuries or Pain

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Any unexplained bruises, soreness, or bleeding in the private areas should be treated as a red flag. A child who suddenly walks or sits uncomfortably, or frequently complains of pain in those areas, may be trying to hide what happened.

Even if the explanation seems inconsistent or unclear, such injuries should be treated as urgent. Immediate medical attention and a report to the appropriate authorities are crucial to protect the child and gather evidence.

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5. Sexual Knowledge Beyond Their Age

When a child starts using sexual words or acting in ways far beyond their age, it might mean they have been exposed to sexual activity in an unhealthy way possibly through abuse.

They may also display sexualized behavior during play or with other children, or use explicit language that seems out of place.

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What You Should Do

If you suspect that a child is being sexually abused, how you respond can make all the difference. Many children never get the help they need because adults around them overlook, dismiss, or mishandle the signs. Here are important steps to take when you notice red flags or when a child opens up to you:

1. Stay Calm and Listen Carefully

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The first and most important thing is to stay calm. A panicked or angry reaction can frighten the child and make them shut down. Listen without interrupting or asking too many questions. Allow them to speak in their own words.

Let the child know that you believe them, appreciate their courage for speaking up, and reassure them that they are not to blame for what happened. Children often fear that adults will get angry or won’t believe them, so your calmness builds trust and safety.

2. Reassure the Child and Protect Their Privacy

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Tell the child clearly that what happened is not their fault. Avoid making promises you can’t keep such as “I won’t tell anyone” — because reporting is necessary to protect them. Instead, say something like, “I’m going to find people who can help keep you safe.”

Keep details private and avoid discussing the issue with others except professionals directly involved in helping the child. Gossip or public disclosure can cause more trauma and embarrassment.

3. Do Not Confront the Abuser Yourself

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No matter how angry or emotional you feel, never attempt to confront or question the alleged abuser on your own. This can put both you and the child in greater danger and may also interfere with official investigations.

Instead, focus on keeping the child safe. Move them away from the abuser’s reach if possible and contact the authorities immediately.

4. Report the Case Immediately

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Every suspicion of child sexual abuse should be reported even if you are not completely certain. It’s better to be wrong than to stay silent.

You can report to:

The Police (DOVVSU – Domestic Violence and Victim Support Unit)

The Department of Social Welfare

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The Ministry of Gender, Children, and Social Protection

CHRAJ (Commission on Human Rights and Administrative Justice)

5. Seek Medical Care and Counseling

Children who have been sexually abused need urgent medical attention, even if there are no visible injuries. Medical professionals can provide care, collect evidence, and help prevent infections or pregnancy.

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Equally important is psychological support. Sexual abuse can leave deep emotional scars that last a lifetime if ignored. Trained child psychologists, counselors, and social workers can help the child process the trauma, rebuild trust, and begin healing.

Child sexual abuse thrives in silence but awareness saves lives. As adults, our responsibility is to create safe spaces for children to speak, to listen when they do, and to act when something feels wrong.