Pulse Opinion: How much sacrifice is too much to make for a partner?

When Rapunzel, the fairy tale character continuously let that charming prince in through the tiny window of that mythical tower, she did so at the risk of being caught by Gothel, her witch mum.

But she continued doing it nonetheless, hoping that she would one day escape, like Alice, into wonderland with her Prince Charming.

Of course, everyone knows what became of that plan, and how that story eventually ends. If you don’t, just search Google for ‘Rapunzel’ after reading this article and you’ll be good.

We published a story here about Japanese Princess, Mako, the real-life, modern Rapunzel, who is risking it all for love.

Japan's centuries-old law requires a Princess to leave the imperial family if she marries a commoner. Although the Princess is well aware of this, she intends to go ahead and marry her partner, Kei Komuro, a commoner she met in University, in 2020.

Actress, Lauren London, Nipsey Hussle’s partner also once mentioned that she gave up a desired movie role when she got pregnant with their son.

Even Kim Kardashian has a story of how she turned down a million dollars because she considered her partner, Kanye West’s interests.

This inevitably leads to the question of how much sacrifice one deserves from a partner, and how much of the same one should be willing to make.

How much of yourself are you supposed to invest in a relationship? Of course not just in monetary value, but in more general terms.

Like, how much of your heart do you pour into it, how much soul, how much sacrifice is too much, how much discomfort/inconvenience do you have to endure with a partner before giving up on them and moving on?

But really, how high can one go?

This wouldn't be a difficult question to answer or a complex issue to address if relationships weren’t the scarily uncertain things they are, especially as it relates to our present-day society

ALSO READ: Why it's important to have honest expectations while dating

It is a modern day reality that an insane number of people are entering into relationships with a part of them hugely scared and uncertain; fearful and treading in the relationship as if they're on a mine field.

And they really can’t be blamed.

Many really want to trust completely, to love without reservation and commit fully, but past experiences and stories of genuine sadness that befell others who loved in that manner have taught them that that might not be the way to go.

Like I wrote in a previous article, “ you are left wondering if [your present relationship] is the real deal…

"You fear that they might be like the previous people you’ve once been with, if they would rip your heart out and remorselessly trample on it as someone had previously done."

So, people often tread carefully and love partially. They give just enough of themselves - one leg in and the other poised to run like crazy at the tiniest hint of trouble. They enter with paranoia and uncertainty, and because they were never dedicated to the relationship in the first instance, every problem or difficulty encountered in it feels like a verification of those fears they came into the relationship with. Issues that could be calmly resolved are either discussed from a place of distrust, indifference or way too much aggression.

What everyone needs to know, though, is that it does not make sense to go into a relationship, let alone a marriage without the right intentions and mindset. You need to know what you want and what you are willing to give.

And regardless of what you have seen or heard, your all is what you should be willing to give to your partner. All of you – body, soul and spirit.

Genuine, meaningful relationships are such that you either go hard, or go home. You’re either in it all the way or not in it at all.

Obviously, being willing to give your all implies that you should look well before leaping. You have to do your due diligence, ask the right questions. You cannot afford to give 100% to someone who obviously does it have it in them to give half of that.

I mean, who gives kingly meals to swine?

You know what you are looking for in a partner, and you know what you bring to the table. You know your desires, your goals, your values and all the things that are deal breakers for you.

So ask questions, and make sure a potential partner levels up to many or all of these personal benchmarks before you commit to anything. As in, anything.

Is this a fool proof plan?

I wish I could say it is 100% impregnable but the certainty does not exist that doing this will make your relationship last forever.

However, you can, at least, be sure that you did your best before the relationship, and held nothing back during it. It'll be their fault, not yours if things go south. You'll be certain that you asked all the relevant questions, exercised due diligence and covered all possible bases.

Lessons from failures make us stronger, and better. And of course, there are always second chances to get it right, to hit jackpot. In reality, some might need to try again a third time. Maybe even a fourth or more-th time, although chances are slim that it will come to that if you are intentional about these things as prescribed in this piece.

Whatever your lot, just make sure to love truly, really and deeply, and that you make your relationships count.

Every. Single. Time.